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Reply to "what's your biggest regret in life?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My absolute biggest regret is my total and absolute failure as a mother to my oldest son. I have failed him by all of my standards. I push him too hard. I'm too demanding. I'm too critical. I have continually failed to meet him where his is academically emotionally, physically--his entire life. I regret that he has me for a mother. He deserves a better, kinder, more forgiving, more accepting mother. I am trying every day to be a better mom to him--but every year, as I look back I feel I have gotten worse and worse. He is only 12. I have tried therapy on and off for years. I will again. I am almost wild with grief that there are only 3 weeks left of summer and then we are back to our eternal battle ground issue: school.[/quote] PP, I'm so sorry. Does your son know that you feel this way? I think it would help him if you have a talk with him and let him know that you're aware and it's something you are working on. make sure you let him know that you feel the problem is you and not him. I saw an interview with an author awhile back. His book (at least a portion of it) compared children to business accounts. He said that parents tend to put more pressure on the oldest because they are like the "client" that you've invested the most time in so you feel like the stakes are higher then with your newer "clients." Seems extremely crass, but kind of made sense to me. I've always felt that the stakes are higher with my oldest for some reason, so I can relate to what he's saying. I feel more intense about it when she struggles with school, friends, or quits an activity or sport, and also when she succeeds. [/quote]
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