Advantages of Having An Only

[Anonymous]

I'm on of "them"...an only...and this is an odd observation. It seems to have way more to do with college-aged dilemmas than family structure.

Anonymous wrote:i come from a family of 4 so i have no idea how it would feel for an only. yes, they actually said that. you know what was the worst for them? when they're in college and come back home during the xmas holidays on their break with no siblings to hang out with at home, sure the parents are there but it's not really the same. I knew several onlys who had the same sentiments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:right, there are no guarantees siblings will get along. But i'm not here to argue, and there's no right or wrong answer. And there are valid reasons to having an only and I'm not disputing them, i'm just thinking in the best interest of the child and what makes them ultimately happy, not the parents per se. Sure, if having one will make the parents less crazy, happier family all around. Really? Lot of only childs i know grew up lonely especially around the holidays (Thanks, Xmas) with no silblings around or in other words, would've prefered to have a sibling growing up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

My DH is one of four. Every one of them moved far away from their parents and from one another, as soon as they became adults, to every corner of the US.
They hardly ever see one another and rarely talk to each other. They are friendly, but not friends. There was and is no drama/trauma. An average family.

There are no guarantees for anything! You do not have to give your child a sibling. And you certainly should not do it for the often cited reasons of 'giving them a friend' or 'sharing the burden to take care of their aging parents together' . These things have a knack for not panning out.

Are you sure they actually said that, or that you perceived it? I mean, I certainly was "bored" sometimes, but no more than a child with siblings was being picked on or neglected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:right, there are no guarantees siblings will get along. But i'm not here to argue, and there's no right or wrong answer. And there are valid reasons to having an only and I'm not disputing them, i'm just thinking in the best interest of the child and what makes them ultimately happy, not the parents per se. Sure, if having one will make the parents less crazy, happier family all around. Really? Lot of only childs i know grew up lonely especially around the holidays (Thanks, Xmas) with no silblings around or in other words, would've prefered to have a sibling growing up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

My DH is one of four. Every one of them moved far away from their parents and from one another, as soon as they became adults, to every corner of the US.
They hardly ever see one another and rarely talk to each other. They are friendly, but not friends. There was and is no drama/trauma. An average family.

There are no guarantees for anything! You do not have to give your child a sibling. And you certainly should not do it for the often cited reasons of 'giving them a friend' or 'sharing the burden to take care of their aging parents together' . These things have a knack for not panning out.

It's impossible to take you seriously. I hope you're not one of the people I know with three or more kids who aren't saving a dime for their kids' educations. Regardless, the thread title is "Advantages of having an only." I suggest you start your own thread about "advantages of having multiple children."

[Anonymous]

A couple more advantages I can't believe haven't shown up so far:

- Never having to endure pregnancy and childbirth again!!

- I'm probably an outlier here, but I happen to believe in the radical notion that women have more to contribute to this world than just babies. With one child, I can shower my son with affection and offer him ample quality time AND still have the time left to put energy into my professional life too. I have a fulfilling career that improves the wellbeing of low-income families, so I'm excited that being a parent of one allows me to do work that will make my son proud of my accomplishments one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my child asks me why she doesn't have a sibling, I'm going to say, "We're happy with our family the way it is." Which is the core truth, regardless of any adult concerns about having enough resources, whether financial or emotional.

Just tell her you stopped at perfection!

Fool-proof approach: pick a kid she can't stand (classmate, cousin, neighbor, bully, etc.), and tell her that kid could have been her sibling; that we don't get to choose siblings personalities; and no one can guarantee she'd get the dream sibling she's probably fantasizing about; and that's it's irreversible: once the sibling appears, there's no return policy.

Works like a charm. Kids would rather be onlies than stuck for life with someone they can't stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:right, there are no guarantees siblings will get along. But i'm not here to argue, and there's no right or wrong answer. And there are valid reasons to having an only and I'm not disputing them, i'm just thinking in the best interest of the child and what makes them ultimately happy, not the parents per se. Sure, if having one will make the parents less crazy, happier family all around. Really? Lot of only childs i know grew up lonely especially around the holidays (Thanks, Xmas) with no silblings around or in other words, would've prefered to have a sibling growing up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I felt that way and I had a sibling. I dysfunctional sibling and a dysfunctional family.

Why are people like you coming in and ruining this thread with you're version of what ideal is? This is about the pros of having an only. Not your opinion as to why they shouldn't. Start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

I'm taking my only to Europe this year. We do a lot of things together. My husband and I are going on a two week trip to India and my parents are watching my daughter.

I don't think grandparents would watch multiples, and many people with multiple kids can't afford those types of vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple more advantages I can't believe haven't shown up so far:

- Never having to endure pregnancy and childbirth again!!

- I'm probably an outlier here, but I happen to believe in the radical notion that women have more to contribute to this world than just babies. With one child, I can shower my son with affection and offer him ample quality time AND still have the time left to put energy into my professional life too. I have a fulfilling career that improves the wellbeing of low-income families, so I'm excited that being a parent of one allows me to do work that will make my son proud of my accomplishments one day.

[Anonymous]

I'm probably an outlier here, but I happen to believe in the radical notion that women have more to contribute to this world than just babies.

Why would you think that makes you an outlier here? Is this the only DCUM thread you have ever read? There are people here who want no children at all, just one child, a few children, a bunch of children, etc.

You're not a special radical, you are just one of the gang.

[Anonymous]

Being parents of an only is a breeze, as is evident from the PPs. Being an only child certainly has its ups and downs. I'm the only one to deal with parents as they get older, help with their expenses and long term decisions, my kids don't have aunts, uncles or cousins on my side, I could go on and on.

I do wish I had siblings. Being an only has informed my decision that I want multiple kids.

I also worry about what would happen to my parents if something happened to me.

[Anonymous]

Studies show that only children tend to be happier than those with siblings:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/nov/14/only-children-happier-competition-bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being parents of an only is a breeze, as is evident from the PPs. Being an only child certainly has its ups and downs. I'm the only one to deal with parents as they get older, help with their expenses and long term decisions, my kids don't have aunts, uncles or cousins on my side, I could go on and on.

I do wish I had siblings. Being an only has informed my decision that I want multiple kids.

I also worry about what would happen to my parents if something happened to me.

You could be in the shoes of those with siblings who don't do a damn thing to help their elderly parents, but who manage to be around to split the inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being parents of an only is a breeze, as is evident from the PPs. Being an only child certainly has its ups and downs. I'm the only one to deal with parents as they get older, help with their expenses and long term decisions, my kids don't have aunts, uncles or cousins on my side, I could go on and on.

I do wish I had siblings. Being an only has informed my decision that I want multiple kids.

I also worry about what would happen to my parents if something happened to me.

You could be in the shoes of those with siblings who don't do a damn thing to help their elderly parents, but who manage to be around to split the inheritance.

This happened to my dad, who was the local son and was there for his parents, and who spent a ton of his own money maintaining/fixing up the family properties. He got completely shafted in the will...

[Anonymous]

During this heat wave I am so glad I don't have an only.

My 4.5 and 7 year old boys have been playing fantastically with no fights. They get long great. Older one said last night--I am soooo glad I have a brother.

We just returned from two vacations where they had each other to chase around the beach, etc.

Less work for mom and dad and they are never bored.

[Anonymous]

Pro: everything they do is so special!

Con: everything they do is so special?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During this heat wave I am so glad I don't have an only.

My 4.5 and 7 year old boys have been playing fantastically with no fights. They get long great. Older one said last night--I am soooo glad I have a brother.

We just returned from two vacations where they had each other to chase around the beach, etc.

Less work for mom and dad and they are never bored.

Yes, that's great. But not relevant here, since this thread is about advantages of having an only child.