Advantages of Having An Only

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I read through this entire thread and most frequently mentioned advantages of having one and only seem to be all money related. I am wondering if many of you would change your mind if you had monetary resources to have more than one kid and still continue maintaining exact same lifestyle.

If you take money out of equation then what is the real advantage of having an only kid? Let's pretend for a second that money is not an issue and that hypothetically, you can afford the same lifestyle, live in the same area, send kids to private school if needed, afford the same vacations and overseas trips, hire additional help to enjoy the same amount of couple/personal time and not have to deal with extra cooking/cleaning, etc. If this was the case, would this have any influence on your decision on how many kids to have?

Honestly? No. But if I had enough $ I would be able to pursue endless fertility treatments or adopt. But I don't so I have an only. Thanks for rubbing it in.

Now, what's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only and DH and I are currently debating having an only or trying again. I feel all the pros have been touched on over and over---my house was also the house as previously mentioned the "fun" house, after prom, sleepovers etc were always at my house. My mom always had an open door policy. We had friends come on trips with us, and I never remembered feeling slighted, if anything I felt thankful. The only downside is my parents were older ( mom had me at 40)--this may not be the case for all, but I feel being an only helped to make my mom and I have an amazing relationship, I can honestly say she is one of my best friends. We talk every day, usually multiple times--my parents moved closer ( as they could since I am an only and don't have to split time) to be near their grand baby and have forged an amazing relationship already. My only concern honestly in having an only--is I know I am terrified of when my parents pass, yes there are friends and my amazing husband, but I watched my aunt and my mom lean on each other when my grandma passed away this past fall ( all of us are quite close), and that bond they shared and ability to be each others support is the only thing swaying me now. I know as others have mentioned it is no guarantee, but having seen my dad ( an only) and my mom and her sister go thru the loss of parents they were extremely close to is night and day. Anyways, I don't have an answer, but I can say that I had an amazing childhood, felt loved unconditionally and never felt that I lacked friends/reason to come home/had sad Christmas's . If there is love in the house your child will feel it with or without siblings!

You're awesome. Thank you for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only and DH and I are currently debating having an only or trying again. I feel all the pros have been touched on over and over---my house was also the house as previously mentioned the "fun" house, after prom, sleepovers etc were always at my house. My mom always had an open door policy. We had friends come on trips with us, and I never remembered feeling slighted, if anything I felt thankful. The only downside is my parents were older ( mom had me at 40)--this may not be the case for all, but I feel being an only helped to make my mom and I have an amazing relationship, I can honestly say she is one of my best friends. We talk every day, usually multiple times--my parents moved closer ( as they could since I am an only and don't have to split time) to be near their grand baby and have forged an amazing relationship already. My only concern honestly in having an only--is I know I am terrified of when my parents pass, yes there are friends and my amazing husband, but I watched my aunt and my mom lean on each other when my grandma passed away this past fall ( all of us are quite close), and that bond they shared and ability to be each others support is the only thing swaying me now. I know as others have mentioned it is no guarantee, but having seen my dad ( an only) and my mom and her sister go thru the loss of parents they were extremely close to is night and day. Anyways, I don't have an answer, but I can say that I had an amazing childhood, felt loved unconditionally and never felt that I lacked friends/reason to come home/had sad Christmas's . If there is love in the house your child will feel it with or without siblings!

You're awesome. Thank you for posting.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I read through this entire thread and most frequently mentioned advantages of having one and only seem to be all money related. I am wondering if many of you would change your mind if you had monetary resources to have more than one kid and still continue maintaining exact same lifestyle.

If you take money out of equation then what is the real advantage of having an only kid? Let's pretend for a second that money is not an issue and that hypothetically, you can afford the same lifestyle, live in the same area, send kids to private school if needed, afford the same vacations and overseas trips, hire additional help to enjoy the same amount of couple/personal time and not have to deal with extra cooking/cleaning, etc. If this was the case, would this have any influence on your decision on how many kids to have?

This is a different question for a s/o thread (one that was recently posted, btw). THIS thread is to help those of us who can't freaking have more than one feel better about having "only" one. For me, it's not a decision. I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I'm frustrated by how many people seem to be completely ignoring the objective of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I read through this entire thread and most frequently mentioned advantages of having one and only seem to be all money related. I am wondering if many of you would change your mind if you had monetary resources to have more than one kid and still continue maintaining exact same lifestyle.

If you take money out of equation then what is the real advantage of having an only kid? Let's pretend for a second that money is not an issue and that hypothetically, you can afford the same lifestyle, live in the same area, send kids to private school if needed, afford the same vacations and overseas trips, hire additional help to enjoy the same amount of couple/personal time and not have to deal with extra cooking/cleaning, etc. If this was the case, would this have any influence on your decision on how many kids to have?

This is a different question for a s/o thread (one that was recently posted, btw). THIS thread is to help those of us who can't freaking have more than one feel better about having "only" one. For me, it's not a decision. I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I'm frustrated by how many people seem to be completely ignoring the objective of this thread.

Please re-read the original post. The OP seems to have wanted more than one kid and doesn't seem to have any specific problems or money issues that definitely prohibit her from having another one. It's the choice she is making and is trying to feel better about this choice. She is asking what the advantages are. Unless I am missing something, to me it doesn't sound like she is in the situation like others posting on this thread, who cannot physically have another kid and have no option. I am sorry that you cannot have another and looking for this thread to confirm that having one and only will have some lifestyle advantages, it definitely has for both parents and kids, so, I hope you feel better. But this thread is not about people who cannot have another kid, it's also about people who have the choice and must make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't look like the dishelved mom of three in my neighborhood - who NEVER quite seems to have her shit together.

Erm, I do, but I have an only. Lol.

[Anonymous]

I love this thread! I have an only and in my culture many is the norm! Thank you for reinforcing my decision as a single mom, onlies rock!!! - Made my divorce more bitter tho - hee hee

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It feels like everyone I know is either pregnant with twins or announcing their third baby. We've compromised at one-and-done, but I certainly do catch myself feeling jealous or wishing it were me. It's not gonna be me, though.

Anyone care to share perks of an only? Or ways to achieve that "full of kids house" feeling that I want to have as DC gets older? ("Give it a few years, your DH will come around!" comments are not welcome.)

Here are mine so far:

- We'll be energetic and sort of young when DC goes to college, and still be able to travel/renovate a home/do youthful things.
- At sports games, I can stand on the sidelines with my coffee instead of chase a toddler all over the adjacent fields. And if I want, I can offer to chase someone else's toddler.
- I can afford to take more trips and offer to pay for a friend of DC's to join us when we go on summer vacation.
- Instead of going to ballet and hockey and piano three nights a week, I can go to just one or two things and take a class myself.
- I can hep with homework and make dinner AND have time to read a book before I go to bed.
- I'll never have to choose where to spend a holiday or which graduation to attend.

\
Portability; private school; private swim class; attention, attention, travel is easy with 1 (we don't have to drive if we don't want to); my son is demanding (adhd). Can't imagine being more tired than I am now.

[Anonymous]

I'm definitely not against only children... I think that's great... to each their own. But damn. Most of the nasty, defensive, self-righteous comments are coming from the "only" parents. God forbid if somebody disagrees with you or asks a sincere question. It's not some personal attack to make you feel bad.

[Anonymous]

One great thing about being the mother of an only is that you don't have to spend all your time trolling parenting forums trying to rationalize why having a dozen kids is awesome despite compelling evidence to the contrary.

[Anonymous]

I was one of eight children (Irish Catholic, no bc, don't get me started on that). It was HELL. Not enough clothes, no time with parents, never went anywhere. I would never wish that on any child. DH and I are having two max.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of eight children (Irish Catholic, no bc, don't get me started on that). It was HELL. Not enough clothes, no time with parents, never went anywhere. I would never wish that on any child. DH and I are having two max.

This inspires me to show my children by example that children truly are gifts from God.

Mother of nine
Oldest of ten
Not much $ growing up
Not much $ now
But lots and lots of love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of eight children (Irish Catholic, no bc, don't get me started on that). It was HELL. Not enough clothes, no time with parents, never went anywhere. I would never wish that on any child. DH and I are having two max.

I am the youngest of 7 and had an amazing, loving, wonderful childhood. The best thing my parents ever, ever, gave me were my siblings. BUT, having multiple kids is not for everyone--and that's fine! Life can be wonderful, children can feel happy and loved with no siblings. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of eight children (Irish Catholic, no bc, don't get me started on that). It was HELL. Not enough clothes, no time with parents, never went anywhere. I would never wish that on any child. DH and I are having two max.

I am the youngest of 7 and had an amazing, loving, wonderful childhood. The best thing my parents ever, ever, gave me were my siblings. BUT, having multiple kids is not for everyone--and that's fine! Life can be wonderful, children can feel happy and loved with no siblings. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

Ditto to PP. I am oldest of 6 and loved it, love having lots of siblings now, love having lots of nieces and nephews. Would happily recommend it!

currently only have one myself (due to years of IF, followed by adoption) and will prob only have 2-3 total when we are finished. But like OP said, I am happy with both large (which I came from) and small (which I have now), b/c families come in all shapes and sizes!

[Anonymous]

I'm laughing at everyone trying really hard to convince themselves having one is enough. Clearly you all seem to want to see the silver lining of having one. I bet more than less of you deep down wish you could have 2 or want 2. Wanting and being able to deal of course are different things so you're one and done but if you are writing out all these benefits that's f up - you make your choice and it makes sense because you should know what you can handle. I have 2 and wish I could deal with 3 - ain't no way if ever do it - so I tell myself all the reasons why 2 is perfect. That totally does not mean I don't wish in some alternate universe I had started having kids earlier or Had money to feel I could manage 3. I admit this wholeheartedly. And you sound like - to someone who has 2 - to be people who somehow think anyone having more than one is either a dumbass, crazy or wrong. Having even one child I think is a gift - it's not about you - it's about them. Having 2 is double the BS, the pain and the nightmares but also double the joy.