Advantages of Having An Only

[Anonymous]

This thread has made my day! We are parents of one which was never the plan. However, a second is not possible physically and costs/age make adoption prohibitive. There are days that my heart breaks that there won't be a second. On the flip side, we ADORE our DD and things have gotten relatively easy lately. We try to spend lots of time with family and friends.

I read a quote recently that said something to the effect of not letting focusing on what you want prevent you from enjoying what you have. I try to remind myself of that whenever someone is pregnant with their second/third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the moms I know are now on their second babies, too -- either just had them or are pregnant. I feel no jealousy at all. I do think that it's the case that some women have a second and realize how horrible it is so they try to convince everyone else it's great/necessary to have another one. Ha -- can't fool me! I love having one!

How horrible it is?! I'm sorry, I don't want to be harsh to tell you how wrong you are, because this thread is about the advantages of one so I don't want to make others feel bad, but you are really wrong to think that it's horrible. It's busy, tiring, expensive, etc, but it's freaking awesome.

[Anonymous]

All the PPs cited good reasons 1 is wonderful. I just wanted to chime in to say that I'm an adult only with an only, and it was definitely a choice for us (i.e. not fertility-related). Life is great!

[Anonymous]

One and DONE!

[Anonymous]

Well..I don'think there is anything wrong with having one child...but my kids are best friends. I love seeing them bond and play together. I thought it would end and maybe it still will but they are tweeners now and still really close. That is more important to me than the finances and logistics of two+. I wish we had more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well..I don'think there is anything wrong with having one child...but my kids are best friends. I love seeing them bond and play together. I thought it would end and maybe it still will but they are tweeners now and still really close. That is more important to me than the finances and logistics of two+. I wish we had more.

Cain and Abel?

[Anonymous]

We have three, and this summer has been so tough (toddler, 3 and 6). My friends with just one child have so much more freedom and can tailor their outings and schedule to their child's needs/interest/activity level. E.g., my 6 yo could swim at the pool all day, but the toddler is still napping 2x a day. The 3 yo is pt-ing and needs to pee every time we go anywhere. And it is so difficult to take everyone somewhere at the same time. One child sounds like a dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well..I don'think there is anything wrong with having one child...but my kids are best friends. I love seeing them bond and play together. I thought it would end and maybe it still will but they are tweeners now and still really close. That is more important to me than the finances and logistics of two+. I wish we had more.

Cain and Abel?

Way to spoil a sweet thread, PP. Glad your kids like each other. No one asked.

I'll go: can buy a smaller house, less clutter, no one gets the shaft, it's the difference between one pizza and two (or two to three in the teen years!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the moms I know are now on their second babies, too -- either just had them or are pregnant. I feel no jealousy at all. I do think that it's the case that some women have a second and realize how horrible it is so they try to convince everyone else it's great/necessary to have another one. Ha -- can't fool me! I love having one!

How horrible it is?! I'm sorry, I don't want to be harsh to tell you how wrong you are, because this thread is about the advantages of one so I don't want to make others feel bad, but you are really wrong to think that it's horrible. It's busy, tiring, expensive, etc, but it's freaking awesome.

Being chronically busy, tired and tapped out financially sounds pretty horrible to me, but to each her own!

[Anonymous]

You can host foreign exchange students when your LO is in middle school or high school. That'll help give him/her the sense of a sibling and give you a fuller house, but it won't be a long-term commitment. I was an only, and my parents always promised me this when I complained about not having a sibling but never did it. I think it would have been an amazing experience.

[Anonymous]

when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

[Anonymous]

I was an only for 8 years before my parents had two more. Those 8 years were happy, calm, and nurturing. That drastically changed after my brothers were born. My mom was super stressed, my brothers fought like crazy and my parents grew to hate each other. Nurturing and peace went out the window. I love my brothers and wouldn't trade them for anything, but at least in my case, it drastically changed the dynamic in my family and frankly my parents weren't great parents with 3. It's led to some heavy emotional stuff for all of us that we still work on. My point is that I think not feelin emotionally prepared to deal with more than one kid is a strong and legitimate reason to stick to one. If you can be a good parent to one but possibly too stretched with more, than give that one child your best. I dont think giving your kid a sibling overrides the emotional status of the parents as the PP argues. I would have preferred to be an only in a happy home, than a semi neglected stressed out kid with siblings.

[Anonymous]

Have as many kids as you can afford to provide your lifestyle of choice, and as many as you can afford to competently meet the needs of emotionally.

Isn't that Chapter 1, Paragraph 1, of Parenting 101?

[Anonymous]

Go away, thread killers! This is not the place to argue which is better. It's a place to state the positives of having one. Start a new thread if you want to extol the virtues of siblings, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

All of those things can be accomplished with a close friend or a spouse (though I don't know what "on their deathbeds together" means). Now, please go away.