Advantages of Having An Only
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Anonymous
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It feels like everyone I know is either pregnant with twins or announcing their third baby. We've compromised at one-and-done, but I certainly do catch myself feeling jealous or wishing it were me. It's not gonna be me, though.
Anyone care to share perks of an only? Or ways to achieve that "full of kids house" feeling that I want to have as DC gets older? ("Give it a few years, your DH will come around!" comments are not welcome.) Here are mine so far: - We'll be energetic and sort of young when DC goes to college, and still be able to travel/renovate a home/do youthful things. - At sports games, I can stand on the sidelines with my coffee instead of chase a toddler all over the adjacent fields. And if I want, I can offer to chase someone else's toddler. - I can afford to take more trips and offer to pay for a friend of DC's to join us when we go on summer vacation. - Instead of going to ballet and hockey and piano three nights a week, I can go to just one or two things and take a class myself. - I can hep with homework and make dinner AND have time to read a book before I go to bed. - I'll never have to choose where to spend a holiday or which graduation to attend. |
Anonymous
| The big advantage I see from the perspective of having three kids is that one parent can take the kid and have quality one on one time, while the other parent does stuff around the house, or has some quality time by themselves. |
Anonymous
| I'm a Mom of two, but insanely jealous of those with one. I adore both of my children, but they spend so much time fighting, and I spend so much time just DEALING with them, that I'm hardly getting a chance to ENJOY them. My friend with just one is always out doing fun stuff with her daughter - art shows and dance classes and whatnot. I don't regret my second child but desperately regret having two. |
Anonymous
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No fighting!
No jealousy! No fighting! No bickering! Just putting one child to bed. No fighting! |
Anonymous
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PP again -- some people have kids that actually get along most of the time. In that case, I think it's great to have two.
Mine do NOT! |
Anonymous
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I am an only. My mom was oldest of 4, dad the oldest of 9 so they were very worried that I would be "spoiled" and they wanted that full-of-kids house feeling. They ended up being the fun parents and would invite everyone over all the time. I used to come home and there would be someone's sister playing in my yard.
They always had me invite a friend when we went to dinner or away on trips (which made their lives easier too). It was great. I feel like I never was lonely and that our house was very kid-centric, despite being an only. |
Anonymous
| More: time, money, patience, attention, resources, etc. Check out the recent research on only children. They (and eldest children, who are onlies for the first few years of their lives) benefit in measurable ways from the undivided attention of parents. The reputation of only children as antisocial, selfish, etc., just doesn't pan out. |
Anonymous
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Oh, I desperately need this thread! I would love to have another, but for a number of reasons I just don't think it's in the cards for us.
I'm really close to my siblings, and have feelings similar to OP's. So thanks, OP, for posting! |
Anonymous
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I have an only - but I was always very close with my brother. I worry that my only will be loney. My brother has several kids and we are always do thing things as a family. And, we are part of several playgroups with friends. My daughter actually said to me the other day "mom, I'd like some time alone please"
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Anonymous
| I'm a single mom of an only. I'm pretty sure I can manage to save for ONE kid's college education. I am positive I couldn't do it for two. |
Anonymous
| We have an only and there are MANY reasons I love it. We can afford to travel together as a family. We can afford college when it comes. We make an effort to ensure he spends plenty of time with his friends- often our house is filled with boys. I have the patience to deal with him, my job, my life and still have time for ME. I have a DH that travels extensively for long periods of time and being a solo parent to a solo kid is pretty easy. We can do a lot of spontenous things and not have to worry about impacting everyone in the families schedule. We can easily get to activities and participate in his important stuff rather than having to decide which kid gets what. When the grandparents come to stay they are happy to watch him and interact with him because there is only one to look after. Unlike trips to the other family members with more than 2 they pick the older kid to watch and let the nanny deal with the younger ones. As he gets older I imagine we might start inviting a friend with us on trips so he has another kid but he is also very comfortable in an adult world or left to himself to play and be independent. I grew up with a sibling that we never, ever got along..to this day he is a PITA, so the idea of a sibling for company is not something I feel particularly wedded to. I see friends with more than one child close in age pulling their hair out, frustrutrated stressed etc (granted it will get easier as their kids get older) and I observe them and I remember why one child works well for us. |
Anonymous
I love this. This is the type of dynamic I'm trying to create for my son. |
Anonymous
On the flip side of this, I was not close to my brother at all. We fought like cats and dogs for well over a decade. I even broke his nose once (not totally on purpose, but still). To this day, he isn't the nicest individual to be around. And he probably feels the same about me. When you have a close bond with siblings, it's priceless. But there is no guarantee that just because you have siblings, you'll be close. |
Anonymous
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When you get through a tough stage- teething, sttn, potty training- you're done and never have to do it again.
You don't have to worry about a possible #2 upsetting the dynamic of your existing family. You can put your resources toward one rather than splitting them. This means money AND time. I know so many families with 3 kids in sports and activities and every weekend, one kid gets the shaft because there's only 2 parents to attend games. It seems with 3, one of the three is getting short changed when it comes to stuff like this. A big plus for me is just not being constantly surrounded by kids. I love my one but frankly hate being in the presence of many children. A house full of children, catering to kid culture, just sounds like hell for me. And as PP have said, one parent on duty means the other can have me time. Tomorrow night I'm going to the movies. Sunday, DH is golfing. We can switch off with one an give each other time to do that stuff. |
Anonymous
| I have an only 3.5 year old daughter, and parenting is just so darn easy these days, I often feel like I am cheating! Travel is easy - and much cheaper with only one. We can easily afford private school for her if we need to (but would be stretched to pay for two). As someone above mentioned, one parent can do something with her, allowing the other parent to get some alone time. If all goes as planned (famous last words, eh?!), we should be able to leave her a nice inheritance (which wouldn't be nearly so nice if split between two or more kids). I wish though, that I didn't feel like such an outlier as the parent of an only - while I hear more people are having onlies, it seems like all of her future classmates in P3 have siblings! |