No help with #2... Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you Asian by any chance?

What about your DH's family? Why can't your husband take off from work? He has a right to 12 weeks for FMLA.

For the most part, none of my friends in DC had family help for an extended period of time. We did have help immediately after birth (1-2 weeks). After that, most of us managed with the help of our friends and husbands. Frankly, my family wasn't all that helpful (and same with most people)! Most family just tends to get in the way and creates more people that you have to take care of.

Nope, not Asian. DH's family is not in the US either and his parents are elderly. We know our rights regarding the leave but unfortunately DH's company is not family friendly and if he takes such leave they'll fire him. He's been looking for local jobs and interviews just started happening, we're hopeful that he'll get a 9-5er soon.

We move a lot because of his job and there are absolutely no friends we can count on around here. I even had to hire someone to be on call when I go into labor because we don't have anyone to come stay with DC1 when it happens.

When I wrote the thread I had just learned that my mom was not coming, I was really upset and needed to get it out of my chest. For her I have to give the impression it's no big deal, she was already so upset, I can't imagine how much worse it would be if both of us were crying on the phone. Anyway, it's DCUM after all so I can't complain about all the nastiness thrown around...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH only took one week off for DC#2. DC#1 was in daycare so it was really not an issue. Can you try to find a part-time nanny share for the older child or hire a mother's helper? You should post at the career center at your local college. I have a friend who did this with great success.

OP here.

We do have a mother's helper. She'll come during the witching hour (after school for her, 4-7pm for us) to take DC1 to the park, feed DC dinner and eventually give DC a bath.

Right now she comes once a week - that's when I deep clean the house. It works well, I talked to her and she's willing to come 4 days a week when DC2 comes along.

I'll give the pre-school some thought. I didn't want to start now or around the due date because it will be a lot of transition for DC1 to go through. We're also potty training so there's some changes happening already. This is all so overwhelming... I was so sure my mom would get her visa this time around

Let me get this straight. You have a mother's helper coming four days a week, and you're husband will be home the first few weeks? OP, most people make do with far less help. Suck it up!

Like I said to PP, I'm not "most people" and every person has their own way to cope with adversity. If you can't help why did you respond to the thread anyway?

[Anonymous]

Start working with 21-month old now to get him/her used to the idea of the baby coming and to get DC#1 excited about being the older sibling. Give them ways to help out (bring you diapers, wipes, creams for the baby) and praise DC#1 for any type of helping behaviors. Make DC#1 feel like they are helping you and the baby. Have a small basket of books and toys handy to keep DC#1 occupied while you feed/change DC#1.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you need your mama, go back to whatever country you're from. Seriously. You chose to come here, you chose to stay here, you can choose to leave if you don't like it. You have no friends, you have a potty mouth, you have a huge sense of your own importance (most of us just deal) you don't seem happy about your life or your choices. If you want your family, then go. Dulles has planes that fly in both directions. May I suggest you board one? Also OP, you want pity. I don't feel sorry for you. Your "poor mother" isn't my problem.

[Anonymous]

OP is a selfish twit with a lot of "needs". I bet she's from South America, they all act that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you Asian by any chance?

What about your DH's family? Why can't your husband take off from work? He has a right to 12 weeks for FMLA.

For the most part, none of my friends in DC had family help for an extended period of time. We did have help immediately after birth (1-2 weeks). After that, most of us managed with the help of our friends and husbands. Frankly, my family wasn't all that helpful (and same with most people)! Most family just tends to get in the way and creates more people that you have to take care of.

Nope, not Asian. DH's family is not in the US either and his parents are elderly. We know our rights regarding the leave but unfortunately DH's company is not family friendly and if he takes such leave they'll fire him. He's been looking for local jobs and interviews just started happening, we're hopeful that he'll get a 9-5er soon.

We move a lot because of his job and there are absolutely no friends we can count on around here. I even had to hire someone to be on call when I go into labor because we don't have anyone to come stay with DC1 when it happens.

When I wrote the thread I had just learned that my mom was not coming, I was really upset and needed to get it out of my chest. For her I have to give the impression it's no big deal, she was already so upset, I can't imagine how much worse it would be if both of us were crying on the phone. Anyway, it's DCUM after all so I can't complain about all the nastiness thrown around...

Your husband's company absolutely cannot fire him for taking leave under FMLA. If they do, they will have a huge lawsuit on their hands. That being said, your husband can do the 'reasonable' thing and use his vacation time with you.

I thought you said you were having a c-section? You can plan the labor that way. If not, you don't have daycare or other care such as a babysitter? You could ask the babysitter to be on-call. What about a neighbor with kids? Sounds like you live a very lonely life, sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start working with 21-month old now to get him/her used to the idea of the baby coming and to get DC#1 excited about being the older sibling. Give them ways to help out (bring you diapers, wipes, creams for the baby) and praise DC#1 for any type of helping behaviors. Make DC#1 feel like they are helping you and the baby. Have a small basket of books and toys handy to keep DC#1 occupied while you feed/change DC#1.

Thank you so much! DC1 is such a great helper, getting DC involved in the care of the new baby I bet will be a nice way to get things going. I really appreciate your input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you need your mama, go back to whatever country you're from. Seriously. You chose to come here, you chose to stay here, you can choose to leave if you don't like it. You have no friends, you have a potty mouth, you have a huge sense of your own importance (most of us just deal) you don't seem happy about your life or your choices. If you want your family, then go. Dulles has planes that fly in both directions. May I suggest you board one? Also OP, you want pity. I don't feel sorry for you. Your "poor mother" isn't my problem.

My guess is that you are 13:33, and you are a racist. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

If you have nothing positive to say to OP, why bother saying anything at all? It sounds like the rest of you are all perfect superwomen who are perfectly pulled together at all times and have wonderful, loving, compassionate personalities that you are showing your babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you Asian by any chance?

What about your DH's family? Why can't your husband take off from work? He has a right to 12 weeks for FMLA.

For the most part, none of my friends in DC had family help for an extended period of time. We did have help immediately after birth (1-2 weeks). After that, most of us managed with the help of our friends and husbands. Frankly, my family wasn't all that helpful (and same with most people)! Most family just tends to get in the way and creates more people that you have to take care of.

Nope, not Asian. DH's family is not in the US either and his parents are elderly. We know our rights regarding the leave but unfortunately DH's company is not family friendly and if he takes such leave they'll fire him. He's been looking for local jobs and interviews just started happening, we're hopeful that he'll get a 9-5er soon.

We move a lot because of his job and there are absolutely no friends we can count on around here. I even had to hire someone to be on call when I go into labor because we don't have anyone to come stay with DC1 when it happens.

When I wrote the thread I had just learned that my mom was not coming, I was really upset and needed to get it out of my chest. For her I have to give the impression it's no big deal, she was already so upset, I can't imagine how much worse it would be if both of us were crying on the phone. Anyway, it's DCUM after all so I can't complain about all the nastiness thrown around...

Your husband's company absolutely cannot fire him for taking leave under FMLA. If they do, they will have a huge lawsuit on their hands. That being said, your husband can do the 'reasonable' thing and use his vacation time with you.

I thought you said you were having a c-section? You can plan the labor that way. If not, you don't have daycare or other care such as a babysitter? You could ask the babysitter to be on-call. What about a neighbor with kids? Sounds like you live a very lonely life, sorry OP.

Yeah, it's been really difficult lately... They're not going to fire him exactly for that but they make it so hard and they throw threats that make us understand what's going on. DH has been home sick with a lung infection for 10 days on sick leave and they keep calling him. His manager even asked him to be on a conference call when he had absolutely no voice to talk and demanded him to use the chat to respond to the technical questions. It's horrible! I can't wait to have this job change thing figured out.

We move a lot and it's hard to make friendships... Don't we see people here all the time saying they've been living in the area for X amount of years and can't make friends? I guess it happens more often than we think. We stay in hotels or corporate housing most of the time so there are no neighbors. When we finally connect with people we can't have them over and I feel bad to accept going to people's houses and can't reciprocate the invitations... The mother's helper has been such a blessing in our lives! I'm glad to know I will be able to count on her when DC2 comes along. She's such a sweet young lady...

My baby is still breech, I was going for a VBAC but now we don't know. It's been a blur, I'm almost in a point that I feel like scheduling a C-section to get it all over with ASAP... Well, thanks for letting me vent. It feels better already...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you need your mama, go back to whatever country you're from. Seriously. You chose to come here, you chose to stay here, you can choose to leave if you don't like it. You have no friends, you have a potty mouth, you have a huge sense of your own importance (most of us just deal) you don't seem happy about your life or your choices. If you want your family, then go. Dulles has planes that fly in both directions. May I suggest you board one? Also OP, you want pity. I don't feel sorry for you. Your "poor mother" isn't my problem.

My guess is that you are 13:33, and you are a racist. Seriously.

Let's just hope this PP's daughter never ever needs her help... No matter where she's from and wherever she is.

[Anonymous]

Why are we resorting to 'go back to your country' etc statements??? It's ok not to agree with OP, but that doesn't give anyone a right to start using racist tones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Millions of women take care of two or more children every single day of the year and have no help. Why can't you do the same. The secret is to get organized and not to sweat the small stuff. Make sure they are fed, dry, clean, and loved. Everything else can wait.

Wow. Really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you need your mama, go back to whatever country you're from. Seriously. You chose to come here, you chose to stay here, you can choose to leave if you don't like it. You have no friends, you have a potty mouth, you have a huge sense of your own importance (most of us just deal) you don't seem happy about your life or your choices. If you want your family, then go. Dulles has planes that fly in both directions. May I suggest you board one? Also OP, you want pity. I don't feel sorry for you. Your "poor mother" isn't my problem.

[Anonymous]

lollllll