my husband is a terrible gift giver and it bums me out each year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
It appears that I'm getting a vacuum (handy vac) this year. I was checking our Amazon account to figure out when my remaining purchases are due to arrive and I saw that he ordered a vacuum to be sent to himself (c/o my dad) to my parent's house. It's not a gift for my parents (i buy all their gifts).
Under what paradigm is it okay to buy your wife a vacuum for Christmas?
I honestly don't know what to say. That man could literally buy me any piece of jewelry in the world and I'd be okay with it. He could go to Macy's and buy a $10 pair of earrings and I'd thrilled out of my mind. It would be the first pair of earrings he ever bought me and I would cherish them. But a vacuum? I am so sad.

Christmas is now officially just about the kids in our house.

At least he thought of you and got you something...as utilitarian as it may be.

[Anonymous]

I give DH a list every year or else I am going to end up with some sort of electronic game device that he wants me to love that I could care less about. On this list are items ranging from $2 to several hundred, anywhere from 10-20 items, and I just let him choose. This way he gets to pick, the element of surprise is there, I still get something I like.

All of this said, it really does irk me that he waits until the last minute to purchase any of these items. I want to be thought of, not an afterthought. Men are just thoughtless and clueless sometimes.

[Anonymous]

My husband's gifts have improved significantly since my children have been old enough express an opinion on "what to get Mommy for Christmas, starting around age 4-5. My nine year old son wasn't bad, but six year old daughter has excellent taste and a persuasive manner, so I'm hopeful this year.

[Anonymous]

Do what we do -- just don't give each other gifts. If some deals come up (holiday time sales, etc), we might take advantage of those, for things we might need or could use. But I'm happy to not have pressure to find *the* right gift, etc. Kind of wish all occasions were like this (birthdays, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband fits right in here. He actually means well, but is pretty forgetful a lot of the time. We do stockings for each person in the family - even the dog. I remind my husband a bazillion times not to forget to get something for my stocking. Last year, he totally spaced it. So on christmas morning, both kids, the dog and the husband all had stockings filled with fun, thoughtful gifts, but mine was empty. My daughter actually cried because she was so sad for me. "Oh mamma," she told me. "What did you do wrong last year? Santa must be so mad at you, but I thought you were really good most of the time." She went on to speculate for DAYS about why Santa was mad at me - was it the parking ticket? the time I forgot to feed the dog? the time I said $*%&* when I dropped something in the kitchen? I had to totally suck it up and let her think I'd totally blown it in Santa's eyes, when it was actually my husband's fault for forgetting. He felt so bad! Never again - I'm stuffing my own stocking this year!!

Oh, this made me cry!

This is also (partly) why we don't have stockings at our house.

My DH gave me a vacuum one year for xmas. He will not live it down. Ever.

I hear you on the self-starting. I wish my DH was more demonstrative, too. DH wanted to get me something HE actually wants this year. I would've been pissed. I had already decided to get it for HIM. There's nothing physical I want that costs as much $$, so after much pestering I told him I want him to take me out... of course I will more than likely have to figure out when and where and hire a babysitter :/

I would LOVE a new vacuum for Christmas! Why is that such a bad gift? They're not cheap - good ones, that is. And they staples, no?

Maybe I'm too practical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a great thread -- thanks for sharing. my husband rocks at gift giving and he's getting an extra big hug and kiss tonight.

You need to start your own thread.

Happy people NOT wanted here . . .

[Anonymous]

I agree. What's wrong with a vacuum? My DW would LOVE a good hand vacuum for cleaning the car, food under the kids chairs and the like. She would value that I had thought about ways to make our lives easier.

And OP, how do you know for sure that it is the only thing he has purchased for you? Don't get upset until Christmas day has passed. If he got you something else, you'll feel terrible about all this emotion and stress you've needlessly introduced in your lives. You'd be upset if your kids were snooping around looking at some subset of their gifts before the big day. So stop doing the same thing to your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband fits right in here. He actually means well, but is pretty forgetful a lot of the time. We do stockings for each person in the family - even the dog. I remind my husband a bazillion times not to forget to get something for my stocking. Last year, he totally spaced it. So on christmas morning, both kids, the dog and the husband all had stockings filled with fun, thoughtful gifts, but mine was empty. My daughter actually cried because she was so sad for me. "Oh mamma," she told me. "What did you do wrong last year? Santa must be so mad at you, but I thought you were really good most of the time." She went on to speculate for DAYS about why Santa was mad at me - was it the parking ticket? the time I forgot to feed the dog? the time I said $*%&* when I dropped something in the kitchen? I had to totally suck it up and let her think I'd totally blown it in Santa's eyes, when it was actually my husband's fault for forgetting. He felt so bad! Never again - I'm stuffing my own stocking this year!!

Oh, this made me cry!

This is also (partly) why we don't have stockings at our house.

My DH gave me a vacuum one year for xmas. He will not live it down. Ever.

I hear you on the self-starting. I wish my DH was more demonstrative, too. DH wanted to get me something HE actually wants this year. I would've been pissed. I had already decided to get it for HIM. There's nothing physical I want that costs as much $$, so after much pestering I told him I want him to take me out... of course I will more than likely have to figure out when and where and hire a babysitter :/

I would LOVE a new vacuum for Christmas! Why is that such a bad gift? They're not cheap - good ones, that is. And they ARE staples, no?

Maybe I'm too practical.

had to edit this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. What's wrong with a vacuum? My DW would LOVE a good hand vacuum for cleaning the car, food under the kids chairs and the like. She would value that I had thought about ways to make our lives easier.

A vacuum may be a great gift for your wife, but clearly it's not a great gift for OP, and after 10 years of marriage, it would be nice if her husband realized that. (You're not her husband, are you?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give DH a list every year or else I am going to end up with some sort of electronic game device that he wants me to love that I could care less about. On this list are items ranging from $2 to several hundred, anywhere from 10-20 items, and I just let him choose. This way he gets to pick, the element of surprise is there, I still get something I like.

This is what I do. My husband would really prefer it if I find what I want, buy it, and just tell him that I got my Christmas/birthday present. That's the way they tend to do things in his family, and that way he knows I'm getting what I want (he tends to have a lot of anxiety around gift giving). On occasion, if I happen across something perfect, I will do that.

In general, though, I like to be surprised a little bit. So, the list lets me have a surprise and he knows he's getting something I'll like.

[Anonymous]

This is why I get my own gifts and he does not get to complain about the price. Everyone is so much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband fits right in here. He actually means well, but is pretty forgetful a lot of the time. We do stockings for each person in the family - even the dog. I remind my husband a bazillion times not to forget to get something for my stocking. Last year, he totally spaced it. So on christmas morning, both kids, the dog and the husband all had stockings filled with fun, thoughtful gifts, but mine was empty. My daughter actually cried because she was so sad for me. "Oh mamma," she told me. "What did you do wrong last year? Santa must be so mad at you, but I thought you were really good most of the time." She went on to speculate for DAYS about why Santa was mad at me - was it the parking ticket? the time I forgot to feed the dog? the time I said $*%&* when I dropped something in the kitchen? I had to totally suck it up and let her think I'd totally blown it in Santa's eyes, when it was actually my husband's fault for forgetting. He felt so bad! Never again - I'm stuffing my own stocking this year!!

I'm sorry, this totally cracked me up! I can just imagine this, and love kids this age (I'm guessing 4?) and am looking forward to when my DS is old enough to be this funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what we do -- just don't give each other gifts. If some deals come up (holiday time sales, etc), we might take advantage of those, for things we might need or could use. But I'm happy to not have pressure to find *the* right gift, etc. Kind of wish all occasions were like this (birthdays, etc).

The problem with this is it sets a bad example for the kids. I want to them to see that we love each other and enjoy GIVING gifts to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, my husband is my gift. The gift of unconditional love, loyalty and being a wonderful father. Every day I spend with him is another present for me. Sure we fight like mad sometimes, (I threw a leg of chicken at him recently) and I have been know to tell him to go away. But I love him dearly and would never expect him to purchase something in order to make me feel special. He does that just by putting up with me. I am sorry if this makes some of you angry, but I hope you have wonderful Christmases anyway.

Hahahahahahaahaaha! This is priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give DH a list every year or else I am going to end up with some sort of electronic game device that he wants me to love that I could care less about. On this list are items ranging from $2 to several hundred, anywhere from 10-20 items, and I just let him choose. This way he gets to pick, the element of surprise is there, I still get something I like.

All of this said, it really does irk me that he waits until the last minute to purchase any of these items. I want to be thought of, not an afterthought. Men are just thoughtless and clueless sometimes.

My DH is also bad at choosing gifts, so I make a list like this and he picks from it. BUT he is nervous about getting the right gift and has a lot of baggage from his family about there being many many gifts under the tree. So, he ends up hounding me for weeks about which gifts I really want and asking me to please put a bunch of less expensive things on the list because he doesn't want to buy me the one thing I actually want (even though it's in the budget we agreed on) because then I'd only have one gift, etc. It's exhausting and makes me feel like I'm STILL doing all the work even after generating a list. This year I told him that I would like some element of surprise and asked that he please deal with his own issues himself and do some sneaking around so that I don't actually know what I'm getting.

Anyway, I know it swings the other direction regarding the actual gifts, but this thread resonates with me with regard to the process becoming all about the other person's issues.