44 and pregnant, and getting silent treatment

[Anonymous]

OP, I wonder if the silence is actually amazement at how lucky you are. Would you feel comfortable asking the nurses or techs... You seem so quiet! Why is that? Also, where did you do IVF? Here in town or did you travel? Many congrats to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, it's safe to color your hair at home when you are pregnant. There's hardly a website that says that it isn't. That's old news. So being pregnant isn't an excuse to let yourself go anymore than getting married is an excuse to get fat.

Very true. Dr. McLaren told me it's ok to dye hair while being pregnant. I color my roots every 2 weeks, I've never let my gray show - EVER. I was completely gray by my mid 30s.

[Anonymous]

OP: I tried IVf's but they all failed. I started on alternative treatment and did this for quite some time before trying another IVF. That IVF, after the alternative treatment, resulted in a healthy blastocyst.

I did acupuncture 2 x a week, sometimes once a week. I followed Dr. Randine Lewis' protocol as defined in her book. I also scheduled a phone consult with one of her herbailists. They prescribe chinese herbs, a diet supportive for pg, and make other recommendations.

There's no saying my pg is healthy just yet...autism is not preventable or detectable with nuchal translucency tests, amnio or cvs, or with any genetic tests but we all know it may be more common among women of advanced maternal age.

Btw, there's no proof of a lot of these type of things but I play it safe anyway. Even before pg I colored my hair with semi permanent hair color from a box. It's not as decent quality as salon color but far less potent. I wash my hair only twice a week to make it last long.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how this thread came to focus on hair color (other than the "oh noes, women over 40 having babies!" posts), but I will say that my RE said absolutely no way was I to highlight or color my hair after transfer, or if successful, during the 1st trimester. Since I was paying what felt like a bazillion dollars for IVF, I figured I could forgo the color, roots be damned.

[Anonymous]

Since this post has turned to hair color I'll say that I continued to color my hair throughout the first trimester of both of my IVF pregnancies. I now have a healthy 5 and 7 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how this thread came to focus on hair color (other than the "oh noes, women over 40 having babies!" posts), but I will say that my RE said absolutely no way was I to highlight or color my hair after transfer, or if successful, during the 1st trimester. Since I was paying what felt like a bazillion dollars for IVF, I figured I could forgo the color, roots be damned.

It's funny how these threads morph into a completely different topic Both my RE and OB gave me the same advice -- no coloring my hair during the first trimester! Both said there's no evidence that it's harmful, but dye does seep into the scalp (that is known), so they said why risk it during the most crucial time of a baby's development. So what if I'm partially gray for 12 weeks. . . . small price to pay for my baby's health.

[Anonymous]

OP,

How do you know they aren't this quiet with everyone?

[Anonymous]

well I haven't told anyone but found out today. I've got endometriosis and M.E and no IV and I wasn't trying, infact it would be near impossible but at nearly 44 (45 in January) I have found out I am pregnant....shocked and panic stricken.

[Anonymous]

PP - did you realize that you were replying to a two year old thread?

Re your age, don't panic about that. Obviously you'll have things to watch for, and hopefully you will have a healthy baby (which the odds still hugely favor at your age, even with all the scary possibilities).

I spent a couple of years in fertility treatments before finally getting pregnant at 44. I turned 45 in the hospital 3 days after delivering my twins (healthy, term, 6lb babies).

They, and I, are thriving today.

There is a lot of scary talk around age but the truth is that if you make it through the first trimester the odds of you having a perfectly healthy baby are very, very good.

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

I am 43.5 and in early labor with my second child. I honestly haven't sensed any disapproval or silent treatment from health care practitioners in DC. If anything, I get dismissed by care providers when I express worries about age-related complications with statements to the effect that I am pretty average for pregnant patients around here. That isn't to say that they didn't also recommend extra testing and induction before 40 weeks, but that's very different from expressed or thinly-veiled shock or disapproval.

I think there could be three things going on in your case. First, people from outside of East Coast urban centers where everyone is overly educated and career-obsessed tend to start families before the age of 30-32 and they really can't fathom waiting until their 40s. A lot of these people probably react similarly to other non-traditional lifestyle choices, like gay marriage, single parenthood by choice, etc. It's just very unfamiliar and therefore, to them, strange. Many of these people absolutely think that their way is the better way and that there is something kind of sad about 40+ moms. Oh well.

Second, especially if it is early in the pregnancy, care providers are probably concerned at each visit that something will have gone wrong, and they will have to tell you and crush you. This will probably ease as the pregnancy progresses and test results come back clean.

Third, in the case of friends and colleagues, they are probably silent because they are wondering how you got pregnant but know that it is inappropriate to ask. Anyone who knows anything about conception knows that when a woman is pregnant at 45, she might just have magic ovaries, but it is far more likely that she used donor eggs or embryos frozen when she was younger. The dropped jaws and silent types may just be wondering which camp you are in, but they are too polite to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well I haven't told anyone but found out today. I've got endometriosis and M.E and no IV and I wasn't trying, infact it would be near impossible but at nearly 44 (45 in January) I have found out I am pregnant....shocked and panic stricken.

Beyond tasteless to complain about your unexpected pregnancy on the IF forum.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know it was an IF forum. I just found this thread when looking for age related pregnancy stuff. I wouldn't be that insensitive had I have realised! I am sorry. Then again I thought I was unable to have children. I had come to terms with that. I was in shock, worried about health issues. I did nit mean to offend anyone. I can see it is inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

I find that lots of women who think they look much younger than their ages are incorrect. You may look really good for 44, but most people can probably tell you're over 40, easy, even if you use fillers, hair color, etc.

I've been shocked into silence by coworkers who I find are pregnant because I had assumed they were even older than they must be. They announced one woman (who I don't see often) was going on maternity leave and I felt my eyes get huge. I had assumed she was 50-ish and I was/am going through my own fertility issues at 35 y.o., so it just didn't compute at first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that lots of women who think they look much younger than their ages are incorrect. You may look really good for 44, but most people can probably tell you're over 40, easy, even if you use fillers, hair color, etc.

I've been shocked into silence by coworkers who I find are pregnant because I had assumed they were even older than they must be. They announced one woman (who I don't see often) was going on maternity leave and I felt my eyes get huge. I had assumed she was 50-ish and I was/am going through my own fertility issues at 35 y.o., so it just didn't compute at first.

Many many women claim they look younger that heir age, virtually none that they look older. That says it all; we can't all be above average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well I haven't told anyone but found out today. I've got endometriosis and M.E and no IV and I wasn't trying, infact it would be near impossible but at nearly 44 (45 in January) I have found out I am pregnant....shocked and panic stricken.

Beyond tasteless to complain about your unexpected pregnancy on the IF forum.

PP: if you can't take a short post from a very older mother who suffered from fertility issues and is shocked in her mid-40's to find out she is pregnant, may I kindly suggest therapy. If you are in therapy already it may not be working.