44 and pregnant, and getting silent treatment

[Anonymous]

OP, Of course you look nearly a decade younger than your actual age. Every DCUMer does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Of course you look nearly a decade younger than your actual age. Every DCUMer does.

Yeah, that's pretty funny. If you look SO young, why in the world are so many people giving you looks and the silent treatment? Very odd.

[Anonymous]

That's rude to imply she's lying. Jerks.

I think now it's just so hard to "guess" someone's age by looking at them. With all sorts of light plastic surgeries (botox, fillers) and how much better wrinkle creams are, and the fact that hair color is $10 and accessible to everyone - you have to really go out of your way to look like a grandma.

[Anonymous]

Point taken. But even with all of the cosmetic advances we benefit from some women like me actually do look our ages. I never smoked or drank heavily or did drugs but I look every one of my 36 years. There are plenty of other women like me but many of them refuse to admit it. We can't all be Halle Berry.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP. This is wonderful news for you. Ignore the funny looks, the rude questions, the judgement etc. What is important is that you are lucky enough to have a baby on the way- a much worked for and longed for baby. Enjoy the pregnancy and your child.

[Anonymous]

My son's friend's mom had him at age 45 and all has worked out just fine. So when the boys get togther I am hanging out with her and her husband and they are in their mid-fifties now but it doesn't seem like they are a whole lot older. The boys don't notice the difference. She does tons of stuff with him, I think she is more energetic than me.

Don't let it bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Of course you look nearly a decade younger than your actual age. Every DCUMer does.

Yeah, that's pretty funny. If you look SO young, why in the world are so many people giving you looks and the silent treatment? Very odd.

This is getting to be a long thread so maybe I forgot what I wrote. Did I say strangers give me the silent treatment? Technicians, OB's and those who do know my age give me the silent treatment.

I have no problem admitting if I did look my age! Two OB's told me they could not believe I was 44. One was theorizing that maybe its because I have olive skin and olive skin doesn't look as if it ages as fast. I assured him that on the inside, though, I was indeed 44. I'm not saying that to flatter myself.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give you the silent treatment, OP -- I'd give you a high five! 44 is older than average, yes. In this area, though, it shouldn't be a shock, especially to people who work with many pregnant women.

Maybe I'm just aggressive this way, but if I sensed a bad reaction from someone AND it's a person who I have to interact with regularly (like an ultrasound tech or a nurse) I'd just ask them about it. I'm all for going to the source, because none of us here can really know what is in another person's head. What would it hurt to bring it up? They'll probably tell you that you're wrong and they're ecstatic for you and think you look 18, but your point would be made: they would understand that their behavior is noticeable and you don't appreciate it. You don't need their bad mojo around you.

[Anonymous]

I was 32 when I first went to my IVF clinic and I thought, "Look at all these older women. I am so glad that I have more time than them." Fast forward five years. I am 37 with no baby and most of those "old" moms probably have kids in kindergarten now. Just remember when you feel the need to judge, those "old" women that you see at your clinic might have been young women at IVF clinics once and they just haven't been the lucky ones.

[Anonymous]

Good morning, I am late to this thread and just skimmed.

Congratulations OP. I am sorry you feel like you are getting the silent treatment. I am in awe that you are expecting and wish you the best.

I am the "not sure if I'll be back" OP. You can look back to mid-September in this forum to find out about the birth of my now 6-week old daughter. I am 44. I don't feel like I got the silent treatment, but I was very familiar to the practices I was with (having lost two pregnancies in a year). I did usually almost immediately make some joke about my age with whomever I was dealing (since I was truly in awe of being pregnant at 44). Frankly, I am the oldest woman I have every known personally who had a baby. I only know of older women by word of mouth.

I was high energy in my pregnancy and have always been physically fit. However, I was not prepared for the aches and pains I am experiencing with this child. Sleep deprivation - yes. Stiff as a board - no. And it kills me I can't find time to take a bath to soak it off.

Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Of course you look nearly a decade younger than your actual age. Every DCUMer does.

Yeah, that's pretty funny. If you look SO young, why in the world are so many people giving you looks and the silent treatment? Very odd.

This is getting to be a long thread so maybe I forgot what I wrote. Did I say strangers give me the silent treatment? Technicians, OB's and those who do know my age give me the silent treatment.

I have no problem admitting if I did look my age! Two OB's told me they could not believe I was 44. One was theorizing that maybe its because I have olive skin and olive skin doesn't look as if it ages as fast. I assured him that on the inside, though, I was indeed 44. I'm not saying that to flatter myself.

OP, I'm black and have gotten told the same thing by various people. But I know they are just being polite. Perhaps you do actually look younger. I just don't get why accomplished women still seem to value themselves on the youthfulness of their appearance so much. Is it really so terrible to look your age?

[Anonymous]

should read "I'm black and have been told"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm black and have gotten told the same thing by various people. But I know they are just being polite. Perhaps you do actually look younger. I just don't get why accomplished women still seem to value themselves on the youthfulness of their appearance so much. Is it really so terrible to look your age?

Well PP, the darker the skin, the less you show age. I would venture a guess here that you do not look your age, and that OP with olive skin also does not look her age.

I do find the friend I have who is 40 and looks every bit of 45, to be completely hysterical when she says she looks early 30's. No honey, I'm sorry, but having fair skin and light hair isn't your friend right now...at all.

All this age discussion is interesting, but it wasn't started with a direction of being happy with how you look. OP was getting a weird vibe from the people in the doctor's offices, and we were all trying to figure out why. People did chime in that they look around at the older women in the waiting rooms with them and wonder what their story is, but then the conversation came about that of 2 women who are both early 40's, one could look much younger and so would that women be getting the same vibe? The question was, is it just that OP looks her age or that "looking her age" really looks older because we're all so jaded these days with all the plastic surgery people can get.

Age is subjective and it's really none of anyone's business why someone at a certain age may choose to pursue motherhood is really what it boils down to. But we still don't know if this is why OP is getting the weird vibe. We're all assuming it's age, but it could also be concern for higher stats on pregnancy loss because of her age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good morning, I am late to this thread and just skimmed.

Congratulations OP. I am sorry you feel like you are getting the silent treatment. I am in awe that you are expecting and wish you the best.

I am the "not sure if I'll be back" OP. You can look back to mid-September in this forum to find out about the birth of my now 6-week old daughter. I am 44. I don't feel like I got the silent treatment, but I was very familiar to the practices I was with (having lost two pregnancies in a year). I did usually almost immediately make some joke about my age with whomever I was dealing (since I was truly in awe of being pregnant at 44). Frankly, I am the oldest woman I have every known personally who had a baby. I only know of older women by word of mouth.

I was high energy in my pregnancy and have always been physically fit. However, I was not prepared for the aches and pains I am experiencing with this child. Sleep deprivation - yes. Stiff as a board - no. And it kills me I can't find time to take a bath to soak it off.

Good luck to you!

Being stiff after childbirth happens to younger women, too. It just may take a while longer for those of us in our 40s to bounce back, but don't worry, you will. My joints were so sore for about 1 year after giving birth, but now I'm back to normal and love chasing after my little munchkin, even if I am 40+. You will only feel like an old mother if you let yourself feel that way. I like the PP who said that we need more loving mothers in this world, regardless of age. Congratulations OP!!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP!