Wives of physicians--dealing with loneliness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a doctor's wife. I have a full-time career of my own as well, not in medicine. I work significantly fewer hours than DH.

Anyhow, I am wondering how other doctor's spouses deal with the loneliness of their spouse's long work hours/overnight call at the hospital, etc. I have been married for 9 years but still have never felt comfortable with my husband's long hours. He works about 80 hours a week, and I am lonely all the time, especially when he is on overnight call at the hospital. We have no family in the area and have only lived in the DC area a few years, so only have made a few new friends, who are busy with their own lives most of the time and don't have time to hang out with me during the lonely nights and weekends. I hate sitting home alone while DH is working late or working weekends. I do go out by myself for a nice lunch, dinner, or movie, etc., but don't really enjoy doing it alone. We don't have children yet. We spend all of DH's free time together but it's not very much and I need more connection. Sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me and I just feel sad a lot of the time, because I don't have a close social circle to spend time with during the lonely times. DH's work hours will never change, they have always been like this. How do other doctor's spouses deal with this?

One good way is to stop feeling so sorry for yourself! You have a job and you don't have any friends there? Whose fault is this? You have plenty of money and time so find a family who needs help and help them. Give of yourself this Christmas season. You will be amazed at how good you can feel when you help someone less fortunate, babysit for a single mom, the list is endless of the good things you can do.

I have no sympathy for people who just love to wallow in self-pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a doctor's wife. I have a full-time career of my own as well, not in medicine. I work significantly fewer hours than DH.

Anyhow, I am wondering how other doctor's spouses deal with the loneliness of their spouse's long work hours/overnight call at the hospital, etc. I have been married for 9 years but still have never felt comfortable with my husband's long hours. He works about 80 hours a week, and I am lonely all the time, especially when he is on overnight call at the hospital. We have no family in the area and have only lived in the DC area a few years, so only have made a few new friends, who are busy with their own lives most of the time and don't have time to hang out with me during the lonely nights and weekends. I hate sitting home alone while DH is working late or working weekends. I do go out by myself for a nice lunch, dinner, or movie, etc., but don't really enjoy doing it alone. We don't have children yet. We spend all of DH's free time together but it's not very much and I need more connection. Sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me and I just feel sad a lot of the time, because I don't have a close social circle to spend time with during the lonely times. DH's work hours will never change, they have always been like this. How do other doctor's spouses deal with this?

One good way is to stop feeling so sorry for yourself! You have a job and you don't have any friends there? Whose fault is this? You have plenty of money and time so find a family who needs help and help them. Give of yourself this Christmas season. You will be amazed at how good you can feel when you help someone less fortunate, babysit for a single mom, the list is endless of the good things you can do.

I have no sympathy for people who just love to wallow in self-pity.

How is doing charity work ALONE going to help this woman with her loneliness? It might be a good thing to do anyway, but not really on topic.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. I think your DH needs a new job. I know lots of doctors (post-residency) who don't work these hours. They work 8-6 with call 1 night a week and 1 weekend every month or so.

He can be happy/challenged/fulfilled without completely abandoning you. I think you need to have a serious talk with him. Life is short. This is no way for either of you to live. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Ashley madison?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a doctor's wife. I have a full-time career of my own as well, not in medicine. I work significantly fewer hours than DH.

Anyhow, I am wondering how other doctor's spouses deal with the loneliness of their spouse's long work hours/overnight call at the hospital, etc. I have been married for 9 years but still have never felt comfortable with my husband's long hours. He works about 80 hours a week, and I am lonely all the time, especially when he is on overnight call at the hospital. We have no family in the area and have only lived in the DC area a few years, so only have made a few new friends, who are busy with their own lives most of the time and don't have time to hang out with me during the lonely nights and weekends. I hate sitting home alone while DH is working late or working weekends. I do go out by myself for a nice lunch, dinner, or movie, etc., but don't really enjoy doing it alone. We don't have children yet. We spend all of DH's free time together but it's not very much and I need more connection. Sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me and I just feel sad a lot of the time, because I don't have a close social circle to spend time with during the lonely times. DH's work hours will never change, they have always been like this. How do other doctor's spouses deal with this?

One good way is to stop feeling so sorry for yourself! You have a job and you don't have any friends there? Whose fault is this? You have plenty of money and time so find a family who needs help and help them. Give of yourself this Christmas season. You will be amazed at how good you can feel when you help someone less fortunate, babysit for a single mom, the list is endless of the good things you can do.

I have no sympathy for people who just love to wallow in self-pity.

How is doing charity work ALONE going to help this woman with her loneliness? It might be a good thing to do anyway, but not really on topic.

It does a lot of good. When I had broken up with my fiancee, I was so lonely I cried myself to sleep every night. Finally, I realized that I needed to stop thinking about myself. I started going to church and volunteered to help one of the members who was a single mom. I babysat for her so she could have some time for herself and I also began to tutor her children in math. At Christmtas, I had a one day workshop for children to make some gifts for their teachers and family. Nothing special, just an empty soup can, they drew a picture, glued it on the can and glued rickrack around top and bottom of can. Children, as most of you know, are an amazing cure for lonliness because they need so much.

OP, I apologize for coming off so mean because this is an area where making friends can be difficult. I can guarantee you, however, that finding a way to reach out to others helps tremendously. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a doctor's wife. I have a full-time career of my own as well, not in medicine. I work significantly fewer hours than DH.

Anyhow, I am wondering how other doctor's spouses deal with the loneliness of their spouse's long work hours/overnight call at the hospital, etc. I have been married for 9 years but still have never felt comfortable with my husband's long hours. He works about 80 hours a week, and I am lonely all the time, especially when he is on overnight call at the hospital. We have no family in the area and have only lived in the DC area a few years, so only have made a few new friends, who are busy with their own lives most of the time and don't have time to hang out with me during the lonely nights and weekends. I hate sitting home alone while DH is working late or working weekends. I do go out by myself for a nice lunch, dinner, or movie, etc., but don't really enjoy doing it alone. We don't have children yet. We spend all of DH's free time together but it's not very much and I need more connection. Sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me and I just feel sad a lot of the time, because I don't have a close social circle to spend time with during the lonely times. DH's work hours will never change, they have always been like this. How do other doctor's spouses deal with this?

One good way is to stop feeling so sorry for yourself! You have a job and you don't have any friends there? Whose fault is this? You have plenty of money and time so find a family who needs help and help them. Give of yourself this Christmas season. You will be amazed at how good you can feel when you help someone less fortunate, babysit for a single mom, the list is endless of the good things you can do.

I have no sympathy for people who just love to wallow in self-pity.

Seriously!!!! Me too!!! Here you are a rich Doctor's wife... Boo f*cking Hoo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a doctor's wife. I have a full-time career of my own as well, not in medicine. I work significantly fewer hours than DH.

Anyhow, I am wondering how other doctor's spouses deal with the loneliness of their spouse's long work hours/overnight call at the hospital, etc. I have been married for 9 years but still have never felt comfortable with my husband's long hours. He works about 80 hours a week, and I am lonely all the time, especially when he is on overnight call at the hospital. We have no family in the area and have only lived in the DC area a few years, so only have made a few new friends, who are busy with their own lives most of the time and don't have time to hang out with me during the lonely nights and weekends. I hate sitting home alone while DH is working late or working weekends. I do go out by myself for a nice lunch, dinner, or movie, etc., but don't really enjoy doing it alone. We don't have children yet. We spend all of DH's free time together but it's not very much and I need more connection. Sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me and I just feel sad a lot of the time, because I don't have a close social circle to spend time with during the lonely times. DH's work hours will never change, they have always been like this. How do other doctor's spouses deal with this?

One good way is to stop feeling so sorry for yourself! You have a job and you don't have any friends there? Whose fault is this? You have plenty of money and time so find a family who needs help and help them. Give of yourself this Christmas season. You will be amazed at how good you can feel when you help someone less fortunate, babysit for a single mom, the list is endless of the good things you can do.

I have no sympathy for people who just love to wallow in self-pity.

How is doing charity work ALONE going to help this woman with her loneliness? It might be a good thing to do anyway, but not really on topic.

I do charity work already, I don't do it alone, there is another volunteer there at the same time. I love my charity work but it doesn't really help me feel less lonely. It is fulfilling for sure, but I can't say it helps at all with the loneliness.

[Anonymous]

Well . . . maybe he WANTS to work those hours.

ever think of that????

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. I think your DH needs a new job. I know lots of doctors (post-residency) who don't work these hours. They work 8-6 with call 1 night a week and 1 weekend every month or so.

He can be happy/challenged/fulfilled without completely abandoning you. I think you need to have a serious talk with him. Life is short. This is no way for either of you to live. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well . . . maybe he WANTS to work those hours.

ever think of that????

That isn't very nice and I really don't appreciate it. I am feeling very down about myself on yet another lonely night while he is working overnight and this isn't helping at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a doctor's wife. I have a full-time career of my own as well, not in medicine. I work significantly fewer hours than DH.

Anyhow, I am wondering how other doctor's spouses deal with the loneliness of their spouse's long work hours/overnight call at the hospital, etc. I have been married for 9 years but still have never felt comfortable with my husband's long hours. He works about 80 hours a week, and I am lonely all the time, especially when he is on overnight call at the hospital. We have no family in the area and have only lived in the DC area a few years, so only have made a few new friends, who are busy with their own lives most of the time and don't have time to hang out with me during the lonely nights and weekends. I hate sitting home alone while DH is working late or working weekends. I do go out by myself for a nice lunch, dinner, or movie, etc., but don't really enjoy doing it alone. We don't have children yet. We spend all of DH's free time together but it's not very much and I need more connection. Sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me and I just feel sad a lot of the time, because I don't have a close social circle to spend time with during the lonely times. DH's work hours will never change, they have always been like this. How do other doctor's spouses deal with this?

One good way is to stop feeling so sorry for yourself! You have a job and you don't have any friends there? Whose fault is this? You have plenty of money and time so find a family who needs help and help them. Give of yourself this Christmas season. You will be amazed at how good you can feel when you help someone less fortunate, babysit for a single mom, the list is endless of the good things you can do.

I have no sympathy for people who just love to wallow in self-pity.

Seriously!!!! Me too!!! Here you are a rich Doctor's wife... Boo f*cking Hoo!

Yes, OP, only the poor are allowed to be sad and pitiful. Don't you know that you will find no sympathy from the jealous hens on this Board (who you should promptly ignore, btw).

I have nothing to offer but good thoughts. Hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well . . . maybe he WANTS to work those hours.

ever think of that????

That isn't very nice and I really don't appreciate it. I am feeling very down about myself on yet another lonely night while he is working overnight and this isn't helping at all.

You have to take it with a grain of salt. A lot of miserable ugly people on this site. You can take consolation in knowing that, if there is a choice between being alone or in the company of this ugly bitch, alone is the better situation.

[Anonymous]

I agree, he obviously wants to work those hours. Or else he wouldn't!!!

Where is he overnight anyways? I'm a nurse and I don't know a lot of doctors who work 80hrs a week when they're not in residence or doing surgical training. It's weird. Most doctors I date actually try to work as little as possible and have 4 day weeks.

Maybe he senses you are clingy and don't have a life outside of this relationship and doesn't want to be your be all end all.

I say this with love- get a life. You only live once and you clearly have the means to be enjoying life. Take a class, learn to cook, take yoga, join a reading group. I wish I had time and money to sit around feeling sorry for myself- nope. I'm babysitting when I get off work from my real job just to pay my student loans. You piss me off. You have time to do things and can afford to have a life BUT YOU CHOSE NOT TO. Too bad for you. Everyone else can hold your hand and give you sympathy but I'm going to tell you life is short and you're wasting yours.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the meanies. But seriously, can't your DH get a private practice (non-hospital based) gig! I think his hours are unusual.

[Anonymous]

I would be dropping by at that hospital unexpectantly during those 80 hours, checking up. Lots of doctors have affairs and this is just really weird. 80hrs a week and out of residency? Doesn't make sense. I'm the nurse who posted earlier and my boyfriend is an ER doctor and he only works 12 days a month. Your situation is VERY UNUSUAL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, he obviously wants to work those hours. Or else he wouldn't!!!

Where is he overnight anyways? I'm a nurse and I don't know a lot of doctors who work 80hrs a week when they're not in residence or doing surgical training. It's weird. Most doctors I date actually try to work as little as possible and have 4 day weeks.

Maybe he senses you are clingy and don't have a life outside of this relationship and doesn't want to be your be all end all.

I say this with love- get a life. You only live once and you clearly have the means to be enjoying life. Take a class, learn to cook, take yoga, join a reading group. I wish I had time and money to sit around feeling sorry for myself- nope. I'm babysitting when I get off work from my real job just to pay my student loans. You piss me off. You have time to do things and can afford to have a life BUT YOU CHOSE NOT TO. Too bad for you. Everyone else can hold your hand and give you sympathy but I'm going to tell you life is short and you're wasting yours.

Clearly you have not read the posts in this thread. I am the OP and I like I have already mentioned, I work full-time, do volunteer work (charity work) in my spare time, go to the gym, and am in a book club, not to mention going to groups and events at my church. So I think I am doing things, joining groups, and meeting people, but keeping busy has not helped me much with the loneliness. You would think it would, but it just hasn't. I don't know why. I think because rather than just keeping busy, I am longing for connection with others--good friends to connect with, to share with, to chat with or get together with during the lonely times. But I can't seem to find this.

And yes, I know that ER docs do shift work, but most other hospital-based (and especially surgical-based) specialties are not like that, and require very long and unpredictable hours, weekends, late nights.