Wives of physicians--dealing with loneliness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this thread. I was surprised to see it back on here given that it's such an old thread.

Anyhow, it is ironic to see this thread up as my husband is working late yet again tonight. The loneliness is still very difficult for me.

Not a whole lot has changed since I first posted this thread. I joined a number of new social/meetup groups, and we even started our own meetup group (but it was a dismal failure). I am still incredibly lonely, have only a few friends in the area, no local family, and find it hard to cope with his long hours sometimes. We still spend every holiday alone, or I spend it alone while he is working. I am feeling particularly blue due to the loneliness today, so I'm not in the most perky mood.

I wish I could post now and say that things have really turned around, but unfortunately, despite my best efforts, they have not.

OP, can you go away for the holidays when you know your husband is working? Visit your family or a friend in another city who would also be celebrating alone.

[Anonymous]

Completely agree with the last poster. I'm also a dpctor's wife. I'm not one to wallow in self-pity. If my DH works over the holidays, I either invite people to visit, or I go to them. Making friends in new cities takes time and persistence, so while I am working on that, i also continue to cultivate the people who love me but are a plane ride away. I'm really thinking the problem here is OP's approach to life and not her husband's profession.

[Anonymous]

Hey, at least he's working and not cheating. Find a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this thread. I was surprised to see it back on here given that it's such an old thread.

Anyhow, it is ironic to see this thread up as my husband is working late yet again tonight. The loneliness is still very difficult for me.

Not a whole lot has changed since I first posted this thread. I joined a number of new social/meetup groups, and we even started our own meetup group (but it was a dismal failure). I am still incredibly lonely, have only a few friends in the area, no local family, and find it hard to cope with his long hours sometimes. We still spend every holiday alone, or I spend it alone while he is working. I am feeling particularly blue due to the loneliness today, so I'm not in the most perky mood.

I wish I could post now and say that things have really turned around, but unfortunately, despite my best efforts, they have not.

Hi, OP. Sorry things haven't improved much for you. I'll be moving to DC sometime this year. I'm a single female doc (so not a physician's wife like you, but would love to make friends in the area). I work about half as much as your DH, so I have a little more free time than most docs. Let me know if you are interested in chatting by e-mail or meeting up when I move. If so, I'll make up a new e-mail address and post it. Or if you post the name of the meet up group you started, I'll contact you that way. This is the problem with anonymous forums. It's a pain in the butt to contact someone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is a surgeon (3 years out of residency) and he makes every effort to be with me and 1 year old DS whenever he can manage. That might mean going in to the office early to finish charting but on his non-surgery days, he is home for dinner 9 out of 10 times. Sure on the days that he's in the OR things are a bit more unpredictable, but really, it's not that hard to make family a priority. We also chose to live very close to his office and the hospital he has privileges at, so he's home 15 minutes after he finishes up for the day. It's all about priorities.

Arent you lucky

[Anonymous]

Have you tried using Skype to chat with family and friends who are out of the area? It feels like the person you are speaking to is in the room with you. Maybe it would help you feel less lonely if you can frequently see people you care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this thread. I was surprised to see it back on here given that it's such an old thread.

Anyhow, it is ironic to see this thread up as my husband is working late yet again tonight. The loneliness is still very difficult for me.

Not a whole lot has changed since I first posted this thread. I joined a number of new social/meetup groups, and we even started our own meetup group (but it was a dismal failure). I am still incredibly lonely, have only a few friends in the area, no local family, and find it hard to cope with his long hours sometimes. We still spend every holiday alone, or I spend it alone while he is working. I am feeling particularly blue due to the loneliness today, so I'm not in the most perky mood.

I wish I could post now and say that things have really turned around, but unfortunately, despite my best efforts, they have not.

Try to make a life for yourself outside of DH. At least, he's working and hopefully it won't be forever. If you live in the DC area, we can connect if you want to. I'm a mom of three so I'm not sure if that's the kind of friend you're looking for. Let me know if you're interested or post your meet up group

[Anonymous]

I have been married to a physician for 15 years. Now, that my kids re going into high school they don’t need me as much Nd I’m very lonely. My doc husband puts his career first and I’m always depressed Nd sad.

[Anonymous]

I have been married to a physician for 3 years and it is lonely. I think it’s hard for people to understand unless you have been through it which makes it even lonelier. Yes, I do all of the things I’m supposed to do to make the loneliness less but there are times it feels unbearable. The only thing that helps me when I simply can’t take the loneliness anymore is to have some kind of adult beverage and watch a show with people who have friends. I watch and hope that one day I’ll have friendships like they do in the show one day. lol And when I really can’t take it at all anymore, I stalk the fridge and pantry with food for my husband and do all the laundry so he has food and clean clothes for the week and I book a plane ticket to my home town to be with my friends and family. Sometimes I have to just go home to be with actual people who love me and I can talk to. I end up missing my husband and wanting to come back to him after a few days but it gets me out for a minute and I come back feeling somewhat refreshed. My husband gets a little weird before I go because he would love to get back to our hometown too but he understands. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. lol

[Anonymous]

We all have a responsibility and choice in how we approach life. Sitting around and feeling sad because you are “lonely” isn’t going to improve anyone’s life. Your husband works long hours. That’s just a fact - military spouses and many others gave this, too. Figure out what you want your life to look like and make it happen. It’s not your spouse’s job to fulfill every need. My spouse needed to commute internationally for 2 years and traveled for 2-3 weeks at a time. Was it traditional? Not - but the kids and I made the best and we had a very full life when he was gone. And we enjoyed it immensely when he was home. Complaining about it would have nothing to make the situation better.

OP, you should really think about what is important to you and make it happen (hobbies, travel, volunteer, book club, exercise communities, faith communities, etc.). Sitting around being resentful of your spouse literally doesn’t do anything to make the situation better.