Wives of physicians--dealing with loneliness

[Anonymous]

how old are you OP?

(another physician's wife here)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how old are you OP?

(another physician's wife here)

Mid 30's

[Anonymous]

22:38 here again.

Where are you located OP? I'm a physician's wife as well and the interesting thing is that for the first time ever (living in DC) I feel like I have a ton of peers whose spouses work just as long hours but in a variety of different fields. I live in NW DC and I don't know a single husband who works less than 50-60 hours a week and many travel and as a result work much more. When I lived elsewhere I definitely felt like the odd one out when my husband was working all hours of the day and my friends' husbands were clocking out at 5.

However, we also moved here knowing no-one and it's definitely been difficult to make friends. I have a zillion acquaintances and very few good friends. I've also had the bad luck of having people move away as soon as we do become better friends. It's definitely very frustrating and I've been quite lonely at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surgeon's wife here. I don't have any answers for you. The crazy hours (overnight on call at the hospital) 14 hrs a day on the weekend and 80 hour weeks are sadly completely the norm for most medical specialities. They would work these kind of hours even if it were not required, I think. Most docs are possessed by their work--my DH, his brother and FIL are all the same with this (all docs) It is a lonely life for the spouses--Unless you could convince your spouse to take some kind of fed position--I don't see that ever changing.

OP here. Surgeon's wife, would you like to talk by email? I don't actually know any other physician spouses. DH's colleagues are all in their 50's and 60's pretty much so we never got to know them socially. I'd love to chat with someone else who understands the loneliness.

How do you deal with the lonely lifestyle? How have you coped? I've been married a long time but have never really been able to be successful at managing the loneliness.

Well to be honest I have four kids and I've been terrible about maintaining close friendships since I've had kids. I'm not proud or happy about it. But in my case the kids do overwhelm my free time for friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22:38 here again.

Where are you located OP? I'm a physician's wife as well and the interesting thing is that for the first time ever (living in DC) I feel like I have a ton of peers whose spouses work just as long hours but in a variety of different fields. I live in NW DC and I don't know a single husband who works less than 50-60 hours a week and many travel and as a result work much more. When I lived elsewhere I definitely felt like the odd one out when my husband was working all hours of the day and my friends' husbands were clocking out at 5.

However, we also moved here knowing no-one and it's definitely been difficult to make friends. I have a zillion acquaintances and very few good friends. I've also had the bad luck of having people move away as soon as we do become better friends. It's definitely very frustrating and I've been quite lonely at times.

NoVA burbs. Would you like to chat by email? We used to live in Cleveland Park.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to live here? Can your dh find a job closer to your family? He would still be working longer hours but you would have more of a support system. You say that you see your family only once a year - could you go visit them on weekends when your dh is working? I do feel bad for you. I think it is very hard to make friends here. You aren't the only one having a problem with this (see multiple other threads on this topic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to live here? Can your dh find a job closer to your family? He would still be working longer hours but you would have more of a support system. You say that you see your family only once a year - could you go visit them on weekends when your dh is working? I do feel bad for you. I think it is very hard to make friends here. You aren't the only one having a problem with this (see multiple other threads on this topic).

Well they live on the West Coast so visiting them on weekends is not an easy feat (6 hour plane ride). My parents used to live in the midwest but then they retired to the West Coast, so basically they chose to move as far away from us as possible, and I feel a bit abandoned by their choice to do that. They are too busy traveling the world to come visit more than once a year.

DH is not interested in moving to the West Coast, and neither am I (as it's not my hometown anyway). We made the decision to move to the DC area together, and we love it here, except for the complete lack of social support.

[Anonymous]

move back to the city. logan circle, adams morgan, penn quarter. you'll have more to do. also, perhaps get a pet. taking a dog to the dog park is social and the dog can keep you company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:move back to the city. logan circle, adams morgan, penn quarter. you'll have more to do. also, perhaps get a pet. taking a dog to the dog park is social and the dog can keep you company.

Well we just bought a house so I don't think that can happen. Plus, we prefer the burbs, actually. We already have two pets.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a very nice person OP--but I think you should really be careful to not let your loneliness here affect your judgement about meeting a random person from the internet. You are a young woman with means living w/o any family or friends nearby. Just want you to be safe about meeting or chatting. You could set up a chat roulette account and post the address here, perhaps? That seems very anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a very nice person OP--but I think you should really be careful to not let your loneliness here affect your judgement about meeting a random person from the internet. You are a young woman with means living w/o any family or friends nearby. Just want you to be safe about meeting or chatting. You could set up a chat roulette account and post the address here, perhaps? That seems very anonymous.

Thanks. DH was once a random person from the Internet--we met online, LOL!

[Anonymous]

Just spend some of his money and make yourself feel better.

You knew what you were getting into!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just spend some of his money and make yourself feel better.

You knew what you were getting into!

I did know the hours would be long but I did not realize just how much the effects of the hours would have on me (i.e. chronic loneliness). I also did not know we would be so socially isolated here, not for lack of trying to create a sense of community.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree that OP knew what she was getting herself into.

In this terrible economy, I can't have sympathy, as OP's husband is probably bringing in some good money.

Furthermore, I think military spouses have it worse, as in many cases it's a life-death situation.

So I'll be the bitch and say to OP - "Deal!" You're actually quite lucky.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a really depressed extrovert. I'm an introvert and the life you describe sounds like heaven to me. I'm not sure how you can solve the problem, because if you are an extrovert, you need to be around people and interacting with people or you will be miserable. But you seem to not have been able to make any friends--and I'm guessing the reason is that you are in your mid-30s and all your potential friends have kids.

Not sure what to tell you.