Do you take your teen's smart phone at night?

[Anonymous]

We have a middle schooler who just got her first phone. We did not spend $700 on a phone, we got a free iPhone because we signed up for a new contract -- both of our phones come through our work so we have never had a cell phone contract.

We do take her phone at night. She still has training wheels on when it comes to technology. She will get more and more autonomy as she matures. I have no interest in managing more than I need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Computer and phone with parents at night. If they can't do it, then the lose the technology. Sleep is critically important at this stage.

+1000

[Anonymous]

you should not be reading to a 15 year old kid at night kids need their phones at night to watch porn and jerk without anybody bothering them like in the day time

[Anonymous]

I Would not ever allow a teen, a web-enabled mobile device, a webcam, and complete privacy. I argued against an iPhone in the room when my stepdaughter was in HS, but my DH thought I was being unnecessarily harsh since dhe got good grades. Now it's three years later, she's dropped out of college entirely, and she has a shattered self-esteem and reputation in part because she said yes to too many guys for sexting/webcam sex. DH didn't want to believe it, but she needed a lot more guidance and supervision than her grades suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There shouldn't be any internet, TV, non-landline phone in a teen's room. When will parents stand up to their kids?

Agree. My daughter can use her phone in her room after HW but by 8pm, it is plugged in downstairs. It is amazing how late we hear texts coming thru. Some kids are texting at 1am.

No tv or computer in her room ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I finally bought 15 yo DS an i-phone. I would like him to continue the habit we have been trying to instill since birth of reading at bedtime, but he now likes to keep his phone next to his bedside. This summer I have found him up texting or participating in social forums through apps or the internet as late as 2 am. I have tried insisting he put the phone in my room after 10 pm and would like to have this rule during the school year, because I think the temptation is just too great to answer every text, check facebook, etc., and completely lose track of time at night. But he objects because he says this is babyish, and also that all his music is on his i-phone, and listening to music helps him sleep. Should I buy another i-pod for music and enforce the no phone at bedtime rule, or is he too old for that? Is there a way to disable the phone after a certain hour, the way you can with some computers? Or is 15 1/2 old enough to make his own mistakes? TIA for any suggestions.

We keep a docking/charging station off the kitchen and the teens are supposed to put their phones there by 9 during the school year. One of them didn't remember the rule so well. So for her I needed to add a disabling parental control from Verizon for $4.99 per month. She couldn't send/receive texts or calls (except to/from "safe" numbers that I controlled) from 9pm until 7:30 am during the week and 11 on the weekends. It's been working great.

I didn't know I could disable her computer after a certain hour. How does that work?

If they have an iPhone they can still iMessage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No teen should have privacy, an internet connection, and a webcam all at once. Giving them this is just asking for trouble.

I'm sorry but PRIVACY is a HUMAN RIGHT, mean you have no rights to take it away from your children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious. As a teen myself, I'm thinking maybe you should stop and think. If you want your teen to be responsible for themselves in the future, you need to trust them now.

Seems like there are a lot of teenagers on this thread. Please come back after your prefrontal cortex is more developed and when you have kids of your own.

No devices in the bedroom after 9pm. Never at the dinner table. When friends come over for sleepovers, which happens every few weeks, they check their phones at the door.

[Anonymous]

I would be all, This is X's mom, go the hell to sleep and don't ever text my son at this hour again, tell your mom I said hi.

[Anonymous]

Lmao these comments though. From a teen perspective, my parents taking my phone/laptop away at night has done no good and has taught me no self-control because I havent been able to establish boundaries myself. This parental/administrative driven society is essentially the downfall of our generation and ultimately causes us more stress in the long run. Stepping in and being authoritative teaches kids that only parents set your boundaries for you and then when we get out into the real world we go full swing the other way and you people wonder why partying and drug-abuse is on the rise. Smh at parents of the 2000's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious. As a teen myself, I'm thinking maybe you should stop and think. If you want your teen to be responsible for themselves in the future, you need to trust them now.

Seems like there are a lot of teenagers on this thread. Please come back after your prefrontal cortex is more developed and when you have kids of your own.

No devices in the bedroom after 9pm. Never at the dinner table. When friends come over for sleepovers, which happens every few weeks, they check their phones at the door.

I probably have a higher IQ and more potential in life than most parental figures in this thread so please don't act so naive to our generation's level of intelligence before commenting something so ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No teen should have privacy, an internet connection, and a webcam all at once. Giving them this is just asking for trouble.

I'm sorry but PRIVACY is a HUMAN RIGHT, mean you have no rights to take it away from your children

Exactly. We have rights too

[Anonymous]

15yr old. Laptop and iPhone down in kitchen to charge by 10:30. She is at private so she doesn't wake up until 7am.

Weekends, she is allowed to have the computer and cell all day until midnight.

We charge our phones downstairs too. Bedrooms are for sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its so weird to me that all these posters consider those of us who give our kids electronics and let them have it in their rooms are doing it because we have no backbone, no ability to say no, we are "giving in"...like we really, really want to say no deep inside, but we say yes anyway.

personally I have 3 teenagers, all of whom have every electronic under the sun. Early on in their iPhone texting days, they were stupid and stayed up late texting and they were exhausted at school the next day, and at sports practice that night. They learned pretty darn fast.

I don't care what electronics they have as long as they follow the basic rules we outline about them in our house. I don't care whether they are in their rooms at night. (Geez I mean when I was a teenager we spent all our time in our rooms, too...on our land lines, talking on party lines and 3-way calls. Its hardly like we were hanging with the 'rents playing monopoly in the family room as teenagers. They are teenagers...they don't want to hang with us. And I don't care...as long as they come to dinner, come out on family trips and vacations, do well at school, stay active physically, and are healthy and happy. They are growing independent people...and I have zero desire to micro-manage them!

+1. I see no need to step in and make rules unless my kids show that they cannot handle their own responsibilities. DD13 can have her phone with her and use it whenever she wants as long as her use of it does not start interfering with her other obligations. This is my approach to almost everything, not just electronics or bedtimes. I'm raising future adults and I want them to have as much practice as they are able to handle with making and owning their own decisions while I am still able to provide a safety net in case one of their choices is actually bad enough to need someone else to step in.

[Anonymous]

Some of these anti-technology posts are so weird to me, but to each his own!

My DD's phone is her lifeline, her administrative center of operations, and her primary means of communication with me during most of the day and evening. It's so strange to me that parents would demand that teenagers check their phones in downstairs at night!

My DD does her homework independently, gets good grades and has a life without my micromanaging her phone use! Like another poster said, I don't care what electronics she uses as long as she follows the basic rules that have been have established, including rules about online safety.

I don't care whether her phone is in her room at night, in her backpack, or on the dining room table under a stack of school books. Half the time, she doesn't bother to pull it out of her backpack until she realizes that she needs to charge it. It is her responsibility to keep track of it. She has learned what happens if it is lost or damaged via carelessness. In 10+ years, I have replaced her phone only once for one of these reasons.

She is not obsessed with texting, boys (or girls), plays 3 seasons of sports, plus travel, is deeply involved with extra-curricular activities, has several close friends with whom she socializes, is generally respectful, obedient (for a teen), and well-rounded. She is silly, loves to hang out with family, enjoys putting together puzzles at the beach, loves board games, baking, gardening, and playing Minecraft (oh, the horror!) with her younger brother. She has had some sort of phone since the age of 8.

It has never occurred to me to take her phone away at any point, except for misbehavior. She stays up routinely until 1:00am doing homework -- on her laptop. All of her assignments are online, as her high school is moving to a paperless environment. Generally, her phone is dead by then (as it is most evenings) because she could not be bothered to charge it.

We see her phone as an enabler, not a distraction or the enemy. How else would she dialogue with classmates about projects, if she didn't have access to her phone? What about her music? She puts on Spotify in the evenings to help her plow through the 4-5 hours of homework/night. Occasionally, I send her little uplifting quotes or silly texts to help ease the burden. Who cares if she texts her friends who are up doing the same thing -- homework! What else does she have time to do in the evening? Where are all of your kids in school who have so much free time to text, post to Instagram and chat all night?

We have lectured her on the perils of posting even so much as a bikini picture on social media. College admissions representatives are looking. She knows not to send revealing pictures of herself via text, e-mail or other forms of social media. We've talked with her about the dangers of clicking on unsolicited or otherwise strange links, of online predators, of posting or sending sensitive personal information on or via the Internet, of sexting, or engaging in other types of risky behavior online.

I occasionally perform a physical spot check of her phone and review the phone calls to and from her phone online. I have told her that she should have very little expectation of privacy until she turns 18. She does not like this, but as long as I am paying...

This works for us. I recognize and respect, however, that all kids and families are not the same. Please don't suggest that anyone who does it differently from you is a bad parent.