Do you take your teen's smart phone at night?

[Anonymous]

I finally bought 15 yo DS an i-phone. I would like him to continue the habit we have been trying to instill since birth of reading at bedtime, but he now likes to keep his phone next to his bedside. This summer I have found him up texting or participating in social forums through apps or the internet as late as 2 am. I have tried insisting he put the phone in my room after 10 pm and would like to have this rule during the school year, because I think the temptation is just too great to answer every text, check facebook, etc., and completely lose track of time at night. But he objects because he says this is babyish, and also that all his music is on his i-phone, and listening to music helps him sleep. Should I buy another i-pod for music and enforce the no phone at bedtime rule, or is he too old for that? Is there a way to disable the phone after a certain hour, the way you can with some computers? Or is 15 1/2 old enough to make his own mistakes? TIA for any suggestions.

[Anonymous]

There shouldn't be any internet, TV, non-landline phone in a teen's room. When will parents stand up to their kids?

[Anonymous]

My kids have televisions, video games, and laptops in their rooms. Plus, they have iphones.

We've never had a problem. They know that during the school year, they need to get all of their homework finished and be in bed at a reasonable hour. And they know that if they don't live up to those expectations, they will lose the privilege of having those things in their rooms.

During the summer and on weekends, it's not unusual for my older teens to be texting until 2am. But on school nights, it's never been an issue. They all study hard and make good grades. And they are all involved in extra-curricular activities and sports. Honestly, they are tired at night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There shouldn't be any internet, TV, non-landline phone in a teen's room. When will parents stand up to their kids?

Agree, completely. I just wish people would grow a backbone. You're dragging everyone else down with your permissiveness on this because most kids can't handle it. It creates a materialistic atmosphere for the kids that is really toxic. I wonder if the the super-media kids are mostly at public or private schools--and which ones.... I would want to avoid this type of "all-media-all-the-time" atmosphere. It is so shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I finally bought 15 yo DS an i-phone. I would like him to continue the habit we have been trying to instill since birth of reading at bedtime, but he now likes to keep his phone next to his bedside. This summer I have found him up texting or participating in social forums through apps or the internet as late as 2 am. I have tried insisting he put the phone in my room after 10 pm and would like to have this rule during the school year, because I think the temptation is just too great to answer every text, check facebook, etc., and completely lose track of time at night. But he objects because he says this is babyish, and also that all his music is on his i-phone, and listening to music helps him sleep. Should I buy another i-pod for music and enforce the no phone at bedtime rule, or is he too old for that? Is there a way to disable the phone after a certain hour, the way you can with some computers? Or is 15 1/2 old enough to make his own mistakes? TIA for any suggestions.

We keep a docking/charging station off the kitchen and the teens are supposed to put their phones there by 9 during the school year. One of them didn't remember the rule so well. So for her I needed to add a disabling parental control from Verizon for $4.99 per month. She couldn't send/receive texts or calls (except to/from "safe" numbers that I controlled) from 9pm until 7:30 am during the week and 11 on the weekends. It's been working great.

I didn't know I could disable her computer after a certain hour. How does that work?

[Anonymous]

I am not a parent of a teen - but I am currently reading queen bees and wannabes. It is about girls - but many of the messages apply to both girls and boys. Regarding technology - the recommendation is phones get checked outside of the bedroom at night.

Your child will catch up in the morning ...

[Anonymous]

I can't believe parents buy their kids IPhones. Why is a teen walking around with a $700 phone that will get stolen at school. Idiocy.

[Anonymous]

In middle school we had DD check her phone in every night. It was a condition of having the phone. This summer we've been lax, but can tell from online monitoring that she really isn't on it at night.

If she were on it like your son has been, i think I'd be inclined to continue the check-in. We are going to let her keep it in her room, but monitor the time stamp of texts to see if we need to reassess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe parents buy their kids IPhones. Why is a teen walking around with a $700 phone that will get stolen at school. Idiocy.

This is really not your problem. I don't think there's a high risk of his iPhone being stolen -- tons of kids have their own iPhones in high school. But agree that you shouldn't by it if you can't afford to lose it.

[Anonymous]

It's obvious that he's having trouble setting boundaries with it now and I would guess that will only get worse when all the activity of school and friends resumes full time. Our friends have a docking station on the kitchen counter and everyone in the family puts their phones there for the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's obvious that he's having trouble setting boundaries with it now and I would guess that will only get worse when all the activity of school and friends resumes full time. Our friends have a docking station on the kitchen counter and everyone in the family puts their phones there for the night.

This, mom and dad included.

[Anonymous]

No teen should have privacy, an internet connection, and a webcam all at once. Giving them this is just asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

My teens have the iPhone 3G, which was $50. Who spends $700 on a phone for a teen? We have limited data plans. What's the fuss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I finally bought 15 yo DS an i-phone. I would like him to continue the habit we have been trying to instill since birth of reading at bedtime, but he now likes to keep his phone next to his bedside. This summer I have found him up texting or participating in social forums through apps or the internet as late as 2 am. I have tried insisting he put the phone in my room after 10 pm and would like to have this rule during the school year, because I think the temptation is just too great to answer every text, check facebook, etc., and completely lose track of time at night. But he objects because he says this is babyish, and also that all his music is on his i-phone, and listening to music helps him sleep. Should I buy another i-pod for music and enforce the no phone at bedtime rule, or is he too old for that? Is there a way to disable the phone after a certain hour, the way you can with some computers? Or is 15 1/2 old enough to make his own mistakes? TIA for any suggestions.

Sure. Why don't you get him a credit card, too? He's old enough to make his own mistakes!

The notion that a freshman or sophomore in HS is old enough to be make his own mistakes is lunacy. He think's it's babyish? Well, if he'd act responsibly, these (very limited, trivial) measures wouldn't be necessary.

[Anonymous]

It totally depends on the individual kid.

DS1 loses everything so his phone is cheap. On the other hand he is pretty good at setting limits for himself, so he is allowed to hold on to his phone and laptop at night.

DS2 is careful with belongings, so his phone is fancier. But his self-regulation is iffy, so electronics stay downstairs at night.

Both have laptops. We check their usage some, and check their facebooks frequently, but don't constantly peer over their shoulders. DS2 has a limited data plan for his phone, which he pays for. DS1 didn't want to spend that money.

Good parenting means that you make the rules fit the individual kid, not that you make the rules according to someone else's theory of what all kids do/don't need.