SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM

[Anonymous]

13:11, my point stands. Good nannies make $40K around here. You simply can't compare kids who have SAHMs with kids who are cared for 40+ hours a week by minimum wage workers. I'd SAH in that case too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the SAHM at 12:29, am I right to guess that your spouse's income provides more than enough money to fund college and both of your retirements? Sure, I like spending time with my kids but not enough to sacrifice valuable college and retirement dollars.

OP's question was clearly geared toward SAHMs. Why are you chiming in? Shouldn't you be working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I decided to be a stay at home mom for pretty much all the reasons everyone else gave, but what sealed the deal for me was that as an elementary school teacher I noticed that pretty much all of my really "top" kids had stay at home moms. I know many working moms are going to slam me for saying that. Of course there are well-behaved, high achieving students who also have full-time working moms. But based on what I saw from teaching for 10 years at three different schools the "better" students seemed to disproportionately come from families with involved stay at home moms.

I taught elementary school kids for 7 years before becoming a SAHM for the last 3. I saw this, too, with my students' families. The kids who were really amazing kids - in their strong character, happy disposition, energy level, what was packed for their lunch each day, how much sleep they got, what sorts of things came out of their mouths, how they related to their peers and siblings - they all had moms who were at home with them when they were young - and some even had moms at home while they were in school taking care of other siblings or doing PT work. Either way, when the school day ended, mom was there.

My mom also worked PT, so I saw that she had the best of both worlds. I do a bit of PT work now here and there, educationally related, and love when I do - but if I had to work full time and THEN be at home with my child, I couldn't give her all of myself. I just don't have it in me. So I chose to stay home. Yes, our income majorly dipped. We got used to certain things as DINKs (dual-income-no-kids) but then we downsized in a lot of ways and make it work. And have never looked back. DD will only be young once - and I get to experience her childhood with her and shape it for her. I hope that this early attention and early stimulation will lead to her being like one of those "amazing" kids who I used to teach. That will have made all the sacrifice of losing my income worth it! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Okay 13:00 thanks for clarifying. You SAH because you wanted to AND because your family can afford its medium and long term goals without you earning any income. "

Until DH dumps you for his soul mate. Check out the stats for mothers and children living in poverty.

And here come the "Always sleep with one eye open!" folks who can't resist "warning" other women about their husbands and refuse to believe that some of us are in healthy stable relationships based on trust. You know, the 50% of people who don't get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:11, my point stands. Good nannies make $40K around here. You simply can't compare kids who have SAHMs with kids who are cared for 40+ hours a week by minimum wage workers. I'd SAH in that case too.

Right! OP asked, why did you decide to stay at home? I said, because I looked at the kids getting the daycare that I could afford and didn't like what I saw. I think quality care is very expensive, and I couldn't afford the quality I wanted for my own child, unless I provided it on my own.

[Anonymous]

"I taught elementary school kids for 7 years before becoming a SAHM for the last 3. I saw this, too, with my students' families. The kids who were really amazing kids - in their strong character, happy disposition, energy level, what was packed for their lunch each day, how much sleep they got, what sorts of things came out of their mouths, how they related to their peers and siblings - they all had moms who were at home with them when they were young - and some even had moms at home while they were in school taking care of other siblings or doing PT work. "

ALL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, PP again, and former teacher:

The other anecdotal evidence that informed by decision to stay home was my experience in gradulate school, as a research assistant to a professor who was studying early literacy experiences of children in preschools and daycares. My role in this study was to visit 20 different preschools and daycare centers and record literacy experiences (about 4 hours each visit, multiple visits per center) and characterize different types of "literacy interactions (teacher to whole group, teacher to small group, teacher to single child, child to teacher, child to child, etc.)

This experience, when I was only about 23 years old, got me into a wide variety of different preschools, daycare centers, and head start programs. It also informed my decision NOT to send my child to one of those programs, as I only say one out of the 20 centers that seemed like a place I would be happy to send my own child.

Again, I understand that this is not a sicentific experiment, but I happen to think that it was enough information for me, personally, to make a decision.

Interesting. So you literally studied this in grad school (or so you claim) yet you ask if there have been studies done in an earlier post. You think if you had done research on this in grad school you would have, I don't know, been aware of studies from colleagues in your field? You are either totally clueless, lying through your teeth, or just trying to be inflammatory or stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I taught elementary school kids for 7 years before becoming a SAHM for the last 3. I saw this, too, with my students' families. The kids who were really amazing kids - in their strong character, happy disposition, energy level, what was packed for their lunch each day, how much sleep they got, what sorts of things came out of their mouths, how they related to their peers and siblings - they all had moms who were at home with them when they were young - and some even had moms at home while they were in school taking care of other siblings or doing PT work. "

ALL?

Not 100% all, but maybe most. Thanks for helping me qualify my observation.

[Anonymous]

13:16, I did SAH. That's why I'm participating on this thread. Even if that's not okay with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I decided to be a stay at home mom for pretty much all the reasons everyone else gave, but what sealed the deal for me was that as an elementary school teacher I noticed that pretty much all of my really "top" kids had stay at home moms. I know many working moms are going to slam me for saying that. Of course there are well-behaved, high achieving students who also have full-time working moms. But based on what I saw from teaching for 10 years at three different schools the "better" students seemed to disproportionately come from families with involved stay at home moms.

I taught elementary school kids for 7 years before becoming a SAHM for the last 3. I saw this, too, with my students' families. The kids who were really amazing kids - in their strong character, happy disposition, energy level, what was packed for their lunch each day, how much sleep they got, what sorts of things came out of their mouths, how they related to their peers and siblings - they all had moms who were at home with them when they were young - and some even had moms at home while they were in school taking care of other siblings or doing PT work. Either way, when the school day ended, mom was there.

My mom also worked PT, so I saw that she had the best of both worlds. I do a bit of PT work now here and there, educationally related, and love when I do - but if I had to work full time and THEN be at home with my child, I couldn't give her all of myself. I just don't have it in me. So I chose to stay home. Yes, our income majorly dipped. We got used to certain things as DINKs (dual-income-no-kids) but then we downsized in a lot of ways and make it work. And have never looked back. DD will only be young once - and I get to experience her childhood with her and shape it for her. I hope that this early attention and early stimulation will lead to her being like one of those "amazing" kids who I used to teach. That will have made all the sacrifice of losing my income worth it! Good luck!

So all the really amazing kids have SAHMs? Guess I'll go home and tell my kids they're not amazing. They'll be so crushed. But then again, they're so mediocre, unhappy, low enegy, poorly fed, and overtired, that they may not care when I tell them.

Give me a break lady. Honestly, I don't think you would need to post this crap unless you were insecure about your own choices. There are many ways to produce amazing kids. Not just your way.

[Anonymous]

13:16, not all WOHMs are low energy, I assume you know that?

[Anonymous]

Like a similar PP, the main reason I choose to SH was bc I wanted to be my child's primary caregiver and spend as much time with him (esp during these early years) as I could. With my first, I stayed home for 6 months before returning to work. It broke my heart to put him in daycare and return to work. I was a lawyer at a big law firm, which meant I made a lot of money and worked really long hours. I would have weeks where I would only see my son for 1 hour in the mornings - that sucked. When DS was 8 months, I found out I was pregnant again. With 2 under two, we knew things had to change.

We decided to leave DC and move back to where our families live. My DH doesn't make a ton of money but it is enough to live on where we live now. I hated my job, so I don't at all regret leaving. I truly love spending my days with my kiddos. Sure, right now with a 20 month old and a 3 month old it is exhausting, but I still wouldn't trade these days for anything.

I plan to return to the workforce when they start school. I know that I will never reach the same pay scale or position, but I am ok with that - big law was not for me anyway. And as for the poster who commented about college and retirement, we figure that since we are already living on one paycheck, when I do return to work my salary will all go to savings. Sure, that means foregoing many "luxuries" that some people can't live without, but for us the tradeoff is totally worth it.

GL with your new endeavor OP. Remember to have fun with your LO every day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:16, not all WOHMs are low energy, I assume you know that?

I absolutely understand this and am more amazed at how my WOHM friends hold it all together than at my SAHM friends. I find SAH to be fulfilling, despite loving to work and earn money, but it's not pulling me in several directions at once. I don't know where WOH moms find the energy. I'm in awe at all they do. It's just not for me.

[Anonymous]

The DCUM teachers/former teachers really suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, PP again, and former teacher:

The other anecdotal evidence that informed by decision to stay home was my experience in gradulate school, as a research assistant to a professor who was studying early literacy experiences of children in preschools and daycares. My role in this study was to visit 20 different preschools and daycare centers and record literacy experiences (about 4 hours each visit, multiple visits per center) and characterize different types of "literacy interactions (teacher to whole group, teacher to small group, teacher to single child, child to teacher, child to child, etc.)

This experience, when I was only about 23 years old, got me into a wide variety of different preschools, daycare centers, and head start programs. It also informed my decision NOT to send my child to one of those programs, as I only say one out of the 20 centers that seemed like a place I would be happy to send my own child.

Again, I understand that this is not a sicentific experiment, but I happen to think that it was enough information for me, personally, to make a decision.

Interesting. So you literally studied this in grad school (or so you claim) yet you ask if there have been studies done in an earlier post. You think if you had done research on this in grad school you would have, I don't know, been aware of studies from colleagues in your field? You are either totally clueless, lying through your teeth, or just trying to be inflammatory or stir the pot.

I think you are confusing me with someone else. I didn't ask if there had been any studies.

And anyhow, no, I didn't study the effects of daycare on children's educational achievement, or anything of that nature. When I was a gradulate student getting my teaching degree, I was an assistant to a study that was looking at the effects of teacher/child interaction on literacy. My point was that it got me into 20 different daycare centers on a regular basis for a semester, so I do feel that informed my decision as to what type of child care I wanted for my own children when I got older, even though again, that wasn't the point of the study.

I'm certainly not trying to be inflammatory or stir any pot, and I really wonder what caused you to have that idea? I am sharing my personal experiences and opinions.