DD's precocious development driving a wedge between my mommy friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

With all due respect, the problem with OP's attitude is that her daughter is TWO. She is not "gifted" - perhaps she will be when she gets older, but maybe she won't. Who knows? Her TWO YEAR old is an early talker and very communicative. Great. But she also sounds like she has gross motor skills issues and social problems. Let's not pretend we are talking about an elementary aged school kid, okay? There really is no such thing as a gifted two year old.

Where did you see OP saying her child had gross motor skill issues and social problems? She never said anything of the kind.

Certainly a 2 year old can be gifted. OP isn't claiming it, and supposedly IQ tests aren't accurate at age 2.5... but the giftedness is there all the same even if it can't be accurately measured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate the link, but yeah, we are not there. DD is precocious. I though that was the right word to use. She speaks like a five year old. Her syntax and vocabulary are advanced and she also loves to learn facts and can easily memorize them. For example, she knows at least half of the presidents and can tell you a couple simple facts about each one. We don't drill her. We don;t videotape her. I have never shared this with my friends. It is just one of her many interests. She is also like this about continents, states, animals, planets, and car models of all things.

She is also starting to sound out words, which I have to say is scary. But none of this is shared with other parents. They jsut see her verbal ability. We cannot hide that.

Her gross motor skills are fine. And, I would not call her social issues problems yet. Like you said, She is 2.

I honestly can relate to you. My two and a half year old son knew all the presidents in order and when you said a world capital he would follow with the country name. He was a verbal sponge. I considered it a parlor trick (which I shared with grandparents and aunts). Anyway, not that my son is not bright, but I will say that early development does not mean they'll keep that pace forever. My son is a verbal 12 year old, who gets pretty good grades in a good school. That's about it. And he was early for everything at the playgroup stage, just as you described with your DD.

I think it's best not to even pay attention to it. In the end, what is to gain by these comparisons? My son was verbally brilliant, and now they all look about the same. It really is unimportant. Even if it carries through and your daughter is super advanced, that only means you need to try to make sure she builds contentment with friends for other reasons.

Speaking as an educator with an interested in gifted education, I would like to point out that one reason children who show early advances seem to lose it as they grow older is that they are not appropriately challenged and encouraged in the early years. There's this self-fulfilling profecy that kids start to even out by around grade 3 .. that may be true -- IF no one does anything to encourage tchildren who are showing precocious behavior early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's so seriously hilarious about the OP as I just read through 5 pages of comments (yes, it's been a long day and I need a little comic relief) is how much she chimed back in just sooooooo wanting to impress everyone. So this is either so fake or so funny. Either of which made me laugh.

What are you talking about? She sounds completely normal and well-balance to me. Not braggart or anything. Seems so strange that she's generated such hostile remarks. I don't get it. Maybe there are one or two troll-types here who are perpetuating this rather weird series of comments.

I have come on board here for some perspective on matters, which, on occasion, require me to disclose what I was already attempting to get the results I wanted. As a consequence, I was accused of trying to brag or boast by one or two posters... something I found so strange. Perhaps if I hadn't already been doing so much, these same people would've accused me of being clueless and lazy, who knows. I suppose with some folks you just can't win. Good news is that I believe the vast majority of participants are well-intentioned, even if there are a few who generate a whole lot of nastiness. And as a post-er, I suppose having thick skin helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just in case this is on the level, my prediction is this: your child is going to "peak" at about age five. This is often the case with precocious children whose parents overemphasize these sorts of banal milestones that everyone hits eventually.

Kids sense this, come to believe that they're hugely gifted and talented, and eventually they stop bothering to attempt anything that they aren't 100% sure they'll excel at. Eventually, they get a part-time job at Best Buy as the cynical, facially-pierced technical luminary of the Home Theater department. Their earthier peers--always up for a challenge--end up starting their own companies, or as ED of a global non-profit organization.

Holly Crap: This is MY high-school experience! Of all the "gifted" kids, only one or two of the dozen in my graduating class even graduated from collage. I have always wondered what went wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just in case this is on the level, my prediction is this: your child is going to "peak" at about age five. This is often the case with precocious children whose parents overemphasize these sorts of banal milestones that everyone hits eventually.

Kids sense this, come to believe that they're hugely gifted and talented, and eventually they stop bothering to attempt anything that they aren't 100% sure they'll excel at. Eventually, they get a part-time job at Best Buy as the cynical, facially-pierced technical luminary of the Home Theater department. Their earthier peers--always up for a challenge--end up starting their own companies, or as ED of a global non-profit organization.

Holly Crap: This is MY high-school experience! Of all the "gifted" kids, only one or two of the dozen in my graduating class even graduated from collage. I have always wondered what went wrong.

Maybe they spelled collage wrong on their collage applications.

[Anonymous]

Verbal ability does not equal intelligence. Your child being verbally advanced does not mean they are in fact gifted. And what does "sound out words" actually mean here? I have a feeling not much other than recognizing letters. Lots of kids prior to age 2 recognize letters.

The thing about fixating on knowing lots of facts - sorry I always hear of that in conjunction with developmental problems not as being some hallmark of genius.

OP - I am still left wondering, what do you want these moms to say? And why?

None of my friends ever really exclaimed over anything other than my child's first word, the first time they saw her walk, and the congratulations after potty training. I never expected them to comment all along on anything else. Kids develop new skills. Its supposed to happen and its expected.

[Anonymous]

Hm, well I knew a girl who truly was crazy-gifted all through elem, ms, and hs. Even my own very-proud and admiring-of-their-children parents would have to admit that this gal was extraordinary! And she did turn out to demonstrate extraordinary intellectual gifts throughout her young and later adulthood, earning her PhD in a very "HARD" field from an ivy league school at a stunningly young age...

Her social development pretty much was on course with everyone else's. Her biggest challenge was probably seeming "normal" and approachable even to the honors, AP, and other "GT" kids in her school. I remember going to her house to play video games (she usually beat me) board games (she usually beat me) and sports (aha! on par!) . She did just fine, though. Saw her at a 10 year HS reunion and, no surprise, she was in a relationship with someone 15 years her senior who also had been nominated for a "Macarthur Genius Award" (holy smokes).

I don't think she was richer or happier than anyone else. But she was definitely... well, smarter.

[Anonymous]

I have the other side - my #2 was very slow to develop. There was nothing wrong (which may have made it easier to rationalize) but it was very hard to sit at playgroups and watch others do things that my little pride and joy couldn't do. You try not to compare, you try not to be jealous, you know in your heart that there's not anything you can do besides wait it out but IT'S HARD! I'm sure your playgroup folks are feeling the inevitable pangs of jealousy which is normal. We all want our little sweetie to be the first/best/greatest and it stings when you see they aren't. And like others have said, it does help to hear that these wonder kids do have troubles to like with feeding or sleeping. So much of those first years is caught up in milestones and who is doing what and when.

The key is how people handle it. If they are being petty and talking behind your back, move on. If they are trying, give them another chance.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I hope all the PPs and readers here know that I was taking an unflinchingly honest look at myself and the situation. I read all the responses. I ignored most of the meaner-spirited snark. But, the stuff like the 'douche-bag' comment I did take to heart. Some of you were much more constructive, and I appreciate that. Thank you.

As far as gifted, genius, precocious... I have never claimed that I had some genius on my hands. She is not perfect. It is kind of sad that you really want me to say that. I did not think that in this context I had to list off a bunch of negative qualities about my DD. I tried to qualify where she is at, and then I was called a braggard. I haven't even begun to start bragging on my DD here. I wouldn't, and I never have in playgroup. Never. If anything, I am the one who started downplaying DD's abilities, and so perhaps it is me who started the trend.

The stuff came up about aspergers and I explained where were at, and what markers DD has. The obsession with american presidents being one, (She knows the half that I know. lol, someone asked.) as well as the early reading. (Hyperlexia, which she seems not to have since she communicates so well. She can sound out CVC words for the PP who wondered, absolutely nothing beyond that.) I didn't list all the signs of her not being on the spectrum. And, I won't for fear of being called a braggard again.

If you take all that out of the equasion you get a playgroup with same-aged toddlers where one is strikingly ahead in areas and the odd dynamic that ensues. This is what I wanted feedback on. And, I got it. I was right in thinking that it does not have to be so wierd between the other moms when DD does something remarkable. It should be remarked upon.

I have an example that I just remembered. A couple of months ago DD stood at the top of the slide and unprompted counted to 20 before sliding down. Two moms in earshot literaly turned around and left right after that. They did not say a word to me. It was really weird. Coincidence? possibly.

It has just felt off for awile now. I wanted to see what anonymous people thought about this. I was hoping for some BTDTs. And, oh, this goes without saying, but I am not perfect. But, I am looking to grow as a person everyday.

[Anonymous]

"I have an example that I just remembered. A couple of months ago DD stood at the top of the slide and unprompted counted to 20 before sliding down. Two moms in earshot literaly turned around and left right after that. They did not say a word to me. It was really weird. Coincidence? possibly. "

NP here. OP, I have refrained from commenting, although I have read much of this thread (not all), but I read the above and have to agree with the PPs who wondered, what were you expecting?? Do you think they should have congratulated you? Exclaimed in wonder? (Also, as an aside, your daughter is now 2, right? Hate to break it to you, but counting to 20 at two, even a young two, isn't actually all that remarkable. I know a number of kids who could do that, including one of my own. Is it somewhat "advanced" for the age? Probably. So amazing that it should be heralded? Sorry, but no.)

You truly in your heart of hearts believe that these mothers turned around and left because they heard your daughter count to 20? That's just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are real, and I still just don't buy any of it, you're the strangest person out there. I guarantee you that the two moms at the park did not leave because they were insulted / shocked speechless / upset / disturbed or any other adjective because your precious precocious pumpkin counted to twenty before sliding.

I have two friends whose children are very verbal. Sure, we notice, but the thing is, most people don't care what your child is doing and when, provided there are no major problems. If they think about it, I'm sure they are glad your child is precocious. But I don't think anyone is alienating you for it.

I'm positive, based on your odd posts, that your behavior and paranoia and obsession with your daughter's milestones is doing more to drive people away than the milestones themselves. And whether or not you intend to be, your description of your child vs. the other children is totally obnoxious. The halloween discussion, where you called the one child's response "cute" and then said how extensively your child answered tells me that you're keeping score and are fairly delighted by the fact that your child gets an A to someone else's C-. I'm pretty sure parents can see through this, even if you think you hide it.

So if this is real, why not relax a bit and stop overthinking your daughter's every move, or imagining reactions and snubs when people are just not thinking that hard about you or your offspring. Relax, and look at children as being children, not a series of milestones and accomplishments. They're really only "remarkable" to you. Honest.

[Anonymous]

Mother of the Year Nominee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I have an example that I just remembered. A couple of months ago DD stood at the top of the slide and unprompted counted to 20 before sliding down. Two moms in earshot literaly turned around and left right after that. They did not say a word to me. It was really weird. Coincidence? possibly. "

NP here. OP, I have refrained from commenting, although I have read much of this thread (not all), but I read the above and have to agree with the PPs who wondered, what were you expecting?? Do you think they should have congratulated you? Exclaimed in wonder? (Also, as an aside, your daughter is now 2, right? Hate to break it to you, but counting to 20 at two, even a young two, isn't actually all that remarkable. I know a number of kids who could do that, including one of my own. Is it somewhat "advanced" for the age? Probably. So amazing that it should be heralded? Sorry, but no.)

You truly in your heart of hearts believe that these mothers turned around and left because they heard your daughter count to 20? That's just bizarre.

Honestly, if a young 2-year-old stood at the top of the slide and yelled "boogers" or even just counted to three I would probably comment on it. I would at least smile or laugh. Especially if they were in my playgroup. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Many children actually are precocious and/or gifted and, even so, no one likes to hear a parent talk about how "exceptional" his/her child is, with the limited exception of grandparents. It just causes people to roll their eyes reflexively.

Maybe you need a new group of friends, maybe you need to learn not to read too much into other people's actions, or maybe both. Your being acutely aware of the differences may be being picked up on by the other parents and that may be causing the awkwardness. You do need to understand there is no need to highlight your child's gifts for others to see, other people will comment without prompting if they are there, often strangers who say things like "how old is she" after a strangely articulate response for someone's size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many children actually are precocious and/or gifted and, even so, no one likes to hear a parent talk about how "exceptional" his/her child is, with the limited exception of grandparents. It just causes people to roll their eyes reflexively.

Maybe you need a new group of friends, maybe you need to learn not to read too much into other people's actions, or maybe both. Your being acutely aware of the differences may be being picked up on by the other parents and that may be causing the awkwardness. You do need to understand there is no need to highlight your child's gifts for others to see, other people will comment without prompting if they are there, often strangers who say things like "how old is she" after a strangely articulate response for someone's size.

I don't talk about how "exceptional" DD is. I don't highlight her gifts. This is just stuff that comes up. And, yes, we get the "hold old is she" all the time. She gets way more comments from complete strangers than the playgroup moms.