DD's precocious development driving a wedge between my mommy friends

[Anonymous]

Not for real. No way.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was going to be about a little girl developing breasts. Damn.

[Anonymous]

Oh, come on, this is obviously a joke, and not a very funny one.

[Anonymous]

Pitch perfect concern troll! Let the festivities begin!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just relax. You may have an exceptionally precocious (which I can't spell?) child forever, or just for now -- sometimes kids spurt early and then plateau. The thing is, you want to hang out with people who love your kid for who she is, not because she's advanced, behind, on target or whatever.

That's the key to any good relationship. "For who you are."

So don't begrudge these particular parents. Just move on. With your child in school, you'll have many other parents to choose from. Don't add any fuel to the fire by comparing your kids to others or unnecessarily bragging about her accomplishments (a simple "We just think she's great, just like all kids are" or "We find her so much fun and entertaining!") without offering a similar compliments to parents of other children. The key here is to encourage your and your child's social development and happiness.

I am so aware of the difference between precocity and giftedness as it pertains to school. We really only can say she is precociuos at the point.

I don't begrudge these parents. I like them a lot. And, we don't brag at all. I stopped mentioning things she did at home very early on. I almost thing this added to the dilema.

[Anonymous]

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/136243.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't decide if I think this is for real.

But if it is...

Your kid can't be perfect. It's not possible. Talk to these people about some of your kids downfalls. Make yourself and your kid seem human. Open yourself up a bit about some things YOU are worried about and see if other people don't do the same about their kid (i.e., She talks so much, but boy she really throws temper tantrums that are out of control. What is your experience? OR She talks so well and really seems to love to read, but she is a terrible eater. What is your experience? Any tips for me?). People don't like other people who try to portray their lives or their children as perfect. It's not real and it's a turn off.

If you are already doing this and you truly aren't just smug and insufferable (I can't entirely tell from your post, but I'm suspicious since all you present is all the wonderful things about your baby genius), then these people aren't your real friends. I have "real" mom friends. People I have known for 20 years since way before kids. We talk about anything and everything - bad moments, good moments, etc. And we all take joy in each other's kids no matter how "advanced" they are.

Yes, I do do this. She actually doesn't throw tantrums, but she has major stranger anxiety and is not really freindly. She still won't say hi to a stranger. or thank you. She also is underweight and is difficult to get to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks this is a joke. Her entire playgroup decided to potty train at 18 months? Gimme a break.

OP here, I was as surprised as you are.

[Anonymous]

Just in case this is on the level, my prediction is this: your child is going to "peak" at about age five. This is often the case with precocious children whose parents overemphasize these sorts of banal milestones that everyone hits eventually.

Kids sense this, come to believe that they're hugely gifted and talented, and eventually they stop bothering to attempt anything that they aren't 100% sure they'll excel at. Eventually, they get a part-time job at Best Buy as the cynical, facially-pierced technical luminary of the Home Theater department. Their earthier peers--always up for a challenge--end up starting their own companies, or as ED of a global non-profit organization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just relax. You may have an exceptionally precocious (which I can't spell?) child forever, or just for now -- sometimes kids spurt early and then plateau. The thing is, you want to hang out with people who love your kid for who she is, not because she's advanced, behind, on target or whatever.

That's the key to any good relationship. "For who you are."

So don't begrudge these particular parents. Just move on. With your child in school, you'll have many other parents to choose from. Don't add any fuel to the fire by comparing your kids to others or unnecessarily bragging about her accomplishments (a simple "We just think she's great, just like all kids are" or "We find her so much fun and entertaining!") without offering a similar compliments to parents of other children. The key here is to encourage your and your child's social development and happiness.

I am so aware of the difference between precocity and giftedness as it pertains to school. We really only can say she is precociuos at the point.

I don't begrudge these parents. I like them a lot. And, we don't brag at all. I stopped mentioning things she did at home very early on. I almost thing this added to the dilema.

Ah, well then it just sounds like these parents are not your or your child's cup of tea. You'll find some other great parents out there!

For my part, I'll say it is fun to observe kids doing amazing things! I have heard of very young kids doing stuff like solving 10, 20 and 50 piece puzzles and I've always wanted to see it in action! My daughter was very verbal at an early age, too, but she never could compare with the physical agility of her (typically male) counterparts. So it goes... in the end, everyone learns to speak, construct puzzles, and jump rope, right?

[Anonymous]

Ok. My friend has a child who she describes as precocious. Thing is, the child is a brat. She IS advanced, anyone can see that, but the mom uses the precocity as an excuse. Sure you're not doing that?

[Anonymous]

I think you need a big slice of humble pie!!

It sounds like your daughter is extremely gifted in language/communication so try to foster that in any way you can (maybe enroll her in a foreign language class?)

My DS is pretty advanced in gross motor skills and I can tell it makes other mommy's really uneasy/insecure...so I don't play it up, instead I find something great about their kiddo and ask how they foster that or what I can do to stimulate my own kids progress in that area.

I think most mom's with little ones (and maybe big ones too?) are fragile and the best thing you can do is be a good friend andhave fun! If the group is stifling you and DD, move on. Otherwise, just enjoy the differences in the kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, if this is a joke, you may not realize but it's a hurtful one. For those of us raising kids with Asperger's your exaggerated description of advanced development is exactly what we experienced only to learn later that such "precociousness" was actually part of a disorder. So if this is a farce, and I suspect it is as that's how DCUM trends these days, please try to realize that your post reaches a varied body of readers some of whom may be sensitive to your parody.

[Anonymous]

What do you want them to do? Throw your kid a party? Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just in case this is on the level, my prediction is this: your child is going to "peak" at about age five. This is often the case with precocious children whose parents overemphasize these sorts of banal milestones that everyone hits eventually.

Kids sense this, come to believe that they're hugely gifted and talented, and eventually they stop bothering to attempt anything that they aren't 100% sure they'll excel at. Eventually, they get a part-time job at Best Buy as the cynical, facially-pierced technical luminary of the Home Theater department. Their earthier peers--always up for a challenge--end up starting their own companies, or as ED of a global non-profit organization.

OP again.

Lol. I don't disagree with you. It just seems in our case, I am not the one overemphasizing these milestones. The other parents are and have in turn perhaps unconsiously made it a point to ignore all development, whether advanced, typical, or behind. I truly think all development is amazing and should not be ignored. Of course, it should not be harped on for God's sake. There is way more important qualities to have and nurture in young ones than intelligence.

But, that is just half of the problem. These moms seem to be shying away from DD and myself. I am fine with it. I just want to know how to behave in the future. I have gotten some great advice. Nothing that I have not already been doing, but stuff I will focus on. I will also try to remember that most parents just don't care or think about these things. I didn't think I did either, but maybe I do care more than is healthy.