DD's precocious development driving a wedge between my mommy friends

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if it is Washington being such a competitive place or what, but at the end of the day, every child is learning so many things each day and developing so fast, but every mother thinks her child is THE most advanced at everything.

The truth is that developmentally, kids focus on different things at different times and some speak quickly and some walk earlier than others.

I always tell people, at the end of the day, no child goes to college still crawling or in diapers and I hate that people are so busy comparing notes about what makes their children better than other people's children that they forget to enjoy the miracle of watching them develop and learn.

Also - for the record, I would rather have a totally average child who knows about being a decent, kind human being than some brat who gets a perfect score on the SATs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also - for the record, I would rather have a totally average child who knows about being a decent, kind human being than some brat who gets a perfect score on the SATs.

Thanks, Mother Theresa. Did the OP ever say ANYTHING about SAT scores or not caring if her kid is a kind human being?

Many people in this thread are making it into something that it's not.

[Anonymous]

Agreed about making it something that it's not.

It's just a comically un self-aware person believing that people's reaction to her personality is really a reaction to her child. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also - for the record, I would rather have a totally average child who knows about being a decent, kind human being than some brat who gets a perfect score on the SATs.

Thanks, Mother Theresa. Did the OP ever say ANYTHING about SAT scores or not caring if her kid is a kind human being?

Many people in this thread are making it into something that it's not.

What ev! The SATs are another developmental milestone (which the OP was talking about) and my point is that development in very young children is not even and in older children (when things do even out to a more predicatable pace) there are more important things than being the best, most advance child.

Honestly, this probably would not even be an issue if the OP did not see her child as being more advanced than the other kids. Mothers are not paying attention to the exact day, hour and second that their kids playmates are doing things unless someone is bringing it to their attention.

[Anonymous]

haven't read all the responses so apologize if someone else has said this. what makes OP obnoxious is that she expects other moms to oooh and ahh over her daughter's development. but she would be equally if not more put out if her daughter was behind the curve and they commented on that! it seems to me that she's the one creating the tension within her group.

[Anonymous]

The SATs are a developmental milestone?

Wow, I learn something new on DCUM every day.

[Anonymous]

To 11/01, I'm the parent with the magnet kids. It's important to be clear that we're talking about both parents and kids here, as sone of the response to OP seems to be about whether the issue is her or her kid. I do know some misery-guts parents, and some poorly-adjusted kids, in the magnet programs. You must know them too, if you're there. I could also cite a local blogger.

So while there may or may not be more or less well-adjusted kids and/or moms in the magnet communities, I'm not sure it's down to being in a magnet per se. It's about checking those self-absorbed parental impulses and making a deliberate decision that it's not about the mom, its not about playing the martyr and everybody else "hates me because I'm beautiful/my kid is smart" but instead deciding to focus on the kid and what the kid really needs for sociology-emotional-intellectual development.

[Anonymous]

Social, not sociology. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I don't want to belabor this anymore than it already is.

For those of you who stood up for me (even those who did so with less tact than others,) I thank you.

I learned a lot here. I realize now that if even half of the stuff echoed here is going through my freinds' heads...well, that explains a lot. This seems to be a sensitive subject that no parent is immune. For those of you claiming that I am the problem, please take a good look at yourself. We are all the problem. This thread and all the clever spinoffs are evidence of that. We are all human and more similar than you'd like to think. At least I am being honest with myself.

I will not add anymore fuel to the fire. Continue this insightful debate going if you please, but I respectfully ask that you leave my daughter and predictions of her future out of it now. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Uh, you can't exactly lock the barn gate after the animals already fled. OP, if you didn't constantly re-flame this fire, it never would have reached the towering inferno that it is. YOU are to blame for all of your incessant defensiveness and "you all don't understand me" crap. Get over yourself - now you've had enough? You piss me off. Believe me, your new sense of self awareness will be very short lived if any of your posts are indicative of who you are as a person and a mother.
Sorry, flame away, but this woman really irritates the crap out of me.

[Anonymous]

13:27, that was pretty harsh. To me, OP seems to have learned a few things about herself and others' perceptions of her. Unless you disbelieve her last post, which I don't.

The poster who irritates the c$&p out of me is the one who puts her hand on her forehead and wails that the rest of us can never understand how hard it is to have gifted kids. Because of course if we disagree with her we must have "NT" kids (that's "normal" in English). Now there's somebody who is completely self-absorbed. OP, don't become her.

[Anonymous]

You know, I think the OP is about as charming as poison ivy, but I agree that it's uncool to predict her child will be managing a big box store. The OP does need to get over herself and her daughter, however, it's not the daughter's fault and it is just vindictive and mean-spirited to try to "take the wind out of" Op's sails this way. OP has enough issues! Op, if you have really learned something, that's good. At the very least, you are overthinking things. But it's possible you really do hang out with jerks. In this instance, find new friends. My son actually has some motor delays and, while it's a tiny bit hard for me to hang out with my even "normal" paced friends kids, I'd never ever project my worries over my son onto another friend's joy. But I also might not go out of my way to praise early talking, walking, etc, just because it doesn't really occur to me to do that, and praising someone else's kid might make it easier to shine a spotlight on what my kid is / is not doing. It's not something I think about, or do or don't do to upset someone. Just live and let live!

[Anonymous]

^^
Hit it square on the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^
Hit it square on the head.

Oh please.....it's misguided and ignorant. I hope OP chooses to ignore it. I can't believe she put her screen name on that crap.

[Anonymous]

AdequateParent wrote:OP, you didn't learn anything. You refused to learn anything. Many people told you that your own behavior could be a part of why others were distancing themselves from you, and you responded with more descriptions of your child, apparently to prove that she was so remarkable that the social issues in your life HAD to be because of what she's like.

At the end of the conversation, you thanked the people who validated your initial suspicion and told the others that this whole thread proves that people are sensitive about other people's brilliant kids. That's not learning. That's shopping for information that you like.

Then, after pages of letting people know minute details of your two-year-old's life, you told people to stop judging her. Even though you are sure that everyone else's judgment of her is why you can't stay close with friends.

Do what you want, but I hope that someday you are open to hearing that (a) most people are in fact immune to insecurities and concerns about other people's kids' development; and (b) thinking you've found kindred minds on this board does not get you one micrometer closer to having a decent relationship with your peers. Go back to them with a "now I will be more sensitive to your insecurities about my child's greatness" attitude and you will have accomplished nothing.

The OP only added more information about her DD when she was defending her DD against an autism comment and to explain that she did not think her DD was gifted. Are you insecure much? why would that bother you? The women has a right to defend her DD against stupid comments like that, doesn't she? And who are you to say she hasn't learned anything? And, I don't think I have ever met anyone who wasn't a bit insecure about their children's development.