Inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I both have divorced parents that range in age from 82-86.

The range of expected combined inheritance across the group of them is 2-10 M (this is my best ballpark for purposes of this thread based on possible spend down for health care and market losses for the one who is an aggressive investor) Both dads are pretty sturdy and have significantly younger wives, which will likely reduce their need to use assisted living. Both moms have lost their partners to death and are extraordinarily stubborn and living independently.

I think of it as money, if it occurs, that we can use to help our kids get a strong financial start. Not counting on it, hoping this will not be soon but realize they are getting older.

We continue to fund our own retirement. There was a point when we moved a substantial part of our investment dollars towards college because we felt comfortable with where retirement was going.

The fact that you think the existence of these younger wives is a money-saving mechanism that is preserving some portion of your inheritance is either funny or sad, depending on how much you need the money. You aren't getting anything from the remarried daddies; time to start being more grateful for your "extraordinarily stubborn" mom and MIL.

Not sure you are worth replying to.

OP asked a question and I tried to give the best answer I could with the information I have. The fact that I consider a wide range of variables that impact the potential outcome does not make me some plotting gold digger, i am simply practical. Could my step mother get hit by a bus tomorrow? Possibly, but it is unlikely. Does her existence impact how long my father can live independently given their 10 year age difference, yes it does. Independent and assisted living in retirement communities are among the largest costs of the last years of one’s life if we are lucky. How much of that care will be needed is a variable to be considered.

I am sorry that you have some other agenda to push. What a sad sack you are.

This . . . is not what the PP you're replying to you said, or even implied. I think you misread the comment. You also still seem to not understand it, so I'll say it plainly: your dad and FIL's money is going to their new wives, not to you and your DH. That money is gone as far as you're concerned. Stop mentally thinking it will come to you in any amount, whether or not it is preserved by the trophy wives' selfless eldercare.

is it standard policy for the new wifes to get all the $$ and not the kids?

Lord. "new" wife here (my stepkid will likely get a larger inheritance because of me, since they will get a portion of my estate and their dad was able to save more because I make more than he does).

Only if your dad is incredibly selfish and/or stupid and picks poorly.

But, if you expect your stepmom to do the heavy lifting of elder care - don't begrudge her the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m saving for retirement as though I won’t receive it.

I’m an only child and my mom is worth $3 million. She spends around $75k a year and doesn’t spend her RMD.

She earns around $80k a year in dividends and pension. She’d still earn that in LTC and in my LCOL it’s closer to $90k.

I’m more concerned about a market collapse.

+1 the market collapse is what has me worried.

From what my mom has said, her RMD surpasses her spending - reasonably significantly I think. She's in a CCR, but independent living so it's pricey, but not as expensive as it could be.

I don't think my parents were spending their RMDs when my father was alive and in assisted living and memory care.

I also am skeptical that all of these posters expecting $5M aren't thinking about it all all...I'm not counting on it, but like a PP said, it's partly how I have finally gotten over the "bag lady" fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are 50 yo and thinking about someone else’s money is so sad (doesn’t matter who that someone else is)

Welcome to the modern economy. It’s sad but not for the reasons you are probably thinking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I both have divorced parents that range in age from 82-86.

The range of expected combined inheritance across the group of them is 2-10 M (this is my best ballpark for purposes of this thread based on possible spend down for health care and market losses for the one who is an aggressive investor) Both dads are pretty sturdy and have significantly younger wives, which will likely reduce their need to use assisted living. Both moms have lost their partners to death and are extraordinarily stubborn and living independently.

I think of it as money, if it occurs, that we can use to help our kids get a strong financial start. Not counting on it, hoping this will not be soon but realize they are getting older.

We continue to fund our own retirement. There was a point when we moved a substantial part of our investment dollars towards college because we felt comfortable with where retirement was going.

The fact that you think the existence of these younger wives is a money-saving mechanism that is preserving some portion of your inheritance is either funny or sad, depending on how much you need the money. You aren't getting anything from the remarried daddies; time to start being more grateful for your "extraordinarily stubborn" mom and MIL.

Not sure you are worth replying to.

OP asked a question and I tried to give the best answer I could with the information I have. The fact that I consider a wide range of variables that impact the potential outcome does not make me some plotting gold digger, i am simply practical. Could my step mother get hit by a bus tomorrow? Possibly, but it is unlikely. Does her existence impact how long my father can live independently given their 10 year age difference, yes it does. Independent and assisted living in retirement communities are among the largest costs of the last years of one’s life if we are lucky. How much of that care will be needed is a variable to be considered.

I am sorry that you have some other agenda to push. What a sad sack you are.

This . . . is not what the PP you're replying to you said, or even implied. I think you misread the comment. You also still seem to not understand it, so I'll say it plainly: your dad and FIL's money is going to their new wives, not to you and your DH. That money is gone as far as you're concerned. Stop mentally thinking it will come to you in any amount, whether or not it is preserved by the trophy wives' selfless eldercare.

This is annoying. There are many memes about stepmothers out there. I am the executor for both my father and his wife. My DH is the executor for his father.

Sorry if you cannot take a lack of drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here - thanks for the responses. I will respond to individual posts but in generally I believe it's smart to think about these things. It's not grubby or anything like that.

but some background. my wife and I save. I like to save more than she does.

We are 50 years old and have $9-10MM in investable assets and $2MM in Real estate equity. Our HHI income is on the order of $500-700K depending on the year.

She wants to completely spend our HHI each year now. Does not want to save anymore.

Is she being reasonable? Normally I say no but not so sure anymore.

Two sets of parents. 1 of them aren't in the greatest shape and i could see a decade of memory care for both of them. My haircut assumption is $2MM in that case. The other set is healthier and really need to be planning on another 15-20 years. So who knows on that one but i haircut that to be $2MM as well.

In retirement we want to be able to spend exactly (if not more) than we spend today.

Normal retirement planning says withdraw 4% a year. so, in our case that would be 400k. we are about 100-200k short. Hence save is my view.

Wife view - expenses go down so today's life style costs alot less without expenses for kids. And 4% of some value for the inheritance gets us to the 100-200k number anyway.

is she correct?

p.s. we are very lucky. historically we have lived below our means.

I mean that's a very very high amount of spending. While you have high assets, that's not going to support spending 700k/year for long. So what is the plan when you retire?

There has to be a happy medium here. Sure, you have a lot saved but not enough to have extremely high expenses.

OP here - agree and lots of moving parts have to mentally/financially figure out. some items we have discussed
1) Spending on kids will dramatically decline post college.
2) the early years of retirement spending is probably high (travel is expensive) then tails down till very old and need medical care
3) Life is short, enjoy the money today.
4) outsource all not enjoyable items - laundry, cleaning are two easy examples.

You haven't been reading here long, have you? That's reasonable, to be sure, but many of your peers won't be doing this. Have you seen what people are paying for? Condos, weddings, trips, $$$$$$, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we have never really had a financial planner. I am always skeptical especially since they probably want to manage your assets.

My wife doesn't really want to "budget" either. I have asked several times in the past but it's gone nowhere (like other than a very basic budget with a few line items). It's not going to happen so i don't ask really anymore.

But she's not a huge spender. that's kind of her version of a budget.

She's not a huge spender but she wants to spend 700k/year?

Is this a troll at this point?

well, spend the after tax amount of 700k.

she doesn't spend that now. she wants to spend that. we save money. that's how we got 9-10mm.

essentially she wants to spend an extra $50-100k a year.

housekeeping each week instead of every week
dropping off all laundry
drinking $100 bottle of wine instead of $40
getting a massage 2x a month
taking an Uber more often.
Nicer clothes.

stuff like that.

Your math isn't quite mathing here. Which is why you should consider seeing an accountant or similar.

Exactly. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not count on it.

Memory care is $140,000 to more than $220,000 yearly.

They could need memory care and that would eat up 2.5 M pretty quick, especially if there are two.

No way. These estimates are way overblown. First off if you’re in memory care you have no other expenses. You also still earn social security, pension, dividends etc.

The chance of you having someone in memory care for years and the spouse too means you moved them there too early. The average stay isn’t even 2 years.

You should be more worried the market collapses.

Those prices for memory care are definitely not overestimated. Not everyone wants to go to a facility. My parents want full time carers and at $30/hour it's over $250,000 a year plus taxes, and house expenses, meds, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I both have divorced parents that range in age from 82-86.

The range of expected combined inheritance across the group of them is 2-10 M (this is my best ballpark for purposes of this thread based on possible spend down for health care and market losses for the one who is an aggressive investor) Both dads are pretty sturdy and have significantly younger wives, which will likely reduce their need to use assisted living. Both moms have lost their partners to death and are extraordinarily stubborn and living independently.

I think of it as money, if it occurs, that we can use to help our kids get a strong financial start. Not counting on it, hoping this will not be soon but realize they are getting older.

We continue to fund our own retirement. There was a point when we moved a substantial part of our investment dollars towards college because we felt comfortable with where retirement was going.

The fact that you think the existence of these younger wives is a money-saving mechanism that is preserving some portion of your inheritance is either funny or sad, depending on how much you need the money. You aren't getting anything from the remarried daddies; time to start being more grateful for your "extraordinarily stubborn" mom and MIL.

Not sure you are worth replying to.

OP asked a question and I tried to give the best answer I could with the information I have. The fact that I consider a wide range of variables that impact the potential outcome does not make me some plotting gold digger, i am simply practical. Could my step mother get hit by a bus tomorrow? Possibly, but it is unlikely. Does her existence impact how long my father can live independently given their 10 year age difference, yes it does. Independent and assisted living in retirement communities are among the largest costs of the last years of one’s life if we are lucky. How much of that care will be needed is a variable to be considered.

I am sorry that you have some other agenda to push. What a sad sack you are.

This . . . is not what the PP you're replying to you said, or even implied. I think you misread the comment. You also still seem to not understand it, so I'll say it plainly: your dad and FIL's money is going to their new wives, not to you and your DH. That money is gone as far as you're concerned. Stop mentally thinking it will come to you in any amount, whether or not it is preserved by the trophy wives' selfless eldercare.

is it standard policy for the new wifes to get all the $$ and not the kids?

Lord. "new" wife here (my stepkid will likely get a larger inheritance because of me, since they will get a portion of my estate and their dad was able to save more because I make more than he does).

Only if your dad is incredibly selfish and/or stupid and picks poorly.

But, if you expect your stepmom to do the heavy lifting of elder care - don't begrudge her the money.

I’m not the PP you’re responding to but my dad’s wife is my age. There is no way that I’m getting more than a token amount, at most. It’s just life. She’ll presumably have a lot of life left to live and will need the money.

She has no kids or nieces/nephews so it’s reasonable to think that our kids will inherit from her. And that would be great, if it happens.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine to plan for it but not in a “make or break” way. You be 100% fine with no inheritance. Your kids will probably also think about getting your money when you’re nearing death as well. It’s the circle of life.

[Anonymous]

The only reason I hope to get a sizeable inheritance is because I think there’s a decent chance I’ll get divorced eventually and I stand to lose a lot of money. An inheritance would be protected from divorce as long as I keep it non commingled. I earn 3x DH and he barely helps at home or with the children, and I’m dreading him walking away with half. Not saying we will get divorced, our relationship is fine at the moment but we do have some bad fights. Inheritance would make me feel much more secure.

[Anonymous]

My parents have more than $20 million in assets and very good long term care insurance policies. I feel pretty confident that eventually my two siblings and I are likely to inherit at least a few million dollars each. I am not considering any of that when it comes to my own financial planning, because I don’t know (a) if it will actually be what happens or (b) if it does, when.

It’s possible that at some point I’ll be wealthier than I planned for, but that doesn’t seem — from a financial perspective — like a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I was promised inheritance but they never gave me a dime when alive. Dad died and gave most of it to random women. My sibling grabbed the rest. I suspect sibling will get all mom’s money. Till you have it don’t plan with it.

When someone dies you cannot grab money. Personal property, yes. Was it money? What did the estate doc/probate court say? Were you around and helpful to your dad through his life? Was sibling?

[Anonymous]

I never even considered an inheritance until my dad got sick. We saved aggressively in our 403b/457 plans. We have about $2m. Then my dad got sick and passed quickly. He had worked his entire life. Retired at 73 and died at 78. I was his only heir, since my brother passed away a couple of years before him. The inheritance doubled our money. Half of which was in IRA accounts. We worked for a couple of more years, until our youngest was out of high school and then retired. We are in year 4 of trying to empty the IRA. We will live on that money, until I can draw on my pension and access our retirement accounts.

My mom is aging. She has about the same amount of money as my dad. She also has long-term care insurance to help offset the expense of assisted living. I am not counting on that money, but I also know that I will probably get something. I will probably set that money aside for our daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never even considered an inheritance until my dad got sick. We saved aggressively in our 403b/457 plans. We have about $2m. Then my dad got sick and passed quickly. He had worked his entire life. Retired at 73 and died at 78. I was his only heir, since my brother passed away a couple of years before him. The inheritance doubled our money. Half of which was in IRA accounts. We worked for a couple of more years, until our youngest was out of high school and then retired. We are in year 4 of trying to empty the IRA. We will live on that money, until I can draw on my pension and access our retirement accounts.

My mom is aging. She has about the same amount of money as my dad. She also has long-term care insurance to help offset the expense of assisted living. I am not counting on that money, but I also know that I will probably get something. I will probably set that money aside for our daughters.

do you think you will be able to pass along as large of an inheritance to your kids (adjusted for inflation)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not count on it.

Memory care is $140,000 to more than $220,000 yearly.

They could need memory care and that would eat up 2.5 M pretty quick, especially if there are two.

No way. These estimates are way overblown. First off if you’re in memory care you have no other expenses. You also still earn social security, pension, dividends etc.

The chance of you having someone in memory care for years and the spouse too means you moved them there too early. The average stay isn’t even 2 years.

You should be more worried the market collapses.

Those prices for memory care are definitely not overestimated. Not everyone wants to go to a facility. My parents want full time carers and at $30/hour it's over $250,000 a year plus taxes, and house expenses, meds, etc.

This is crazy expensive and you can use common sense to figure out this is abnormal. There would be a huge market if you could take care of a couple 24-7 and earn $250k without even having a college diploma. Heck even at $150k you could have live-in help.

My own parent ended up in memory care and it cost us all out maybe $250k over 2.5 years at a facility. He earned interest and dividends at this time and his net worth continued to grow.

Do you also think college has to be $80k per year? I ask because it’s a similar mentality and it just means you’re a big spender and aren’t smart about things. Sure, if you want to spend $1 million educating your kids and $1 million on LTC you can do that. But it isn’t necessary.