The working parent grind is so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how we made it work- my kids are out of the house now so mainly this was pre-pandemic/telework.
1. Few activities. They probably just had one each at any one time.
2. Lots of independence and responsibility. The kids did their own laundry from 8 or 9, and cooked a meal a week from 12 or 13. They took themselves to activities on their own by bus or bike from 12 onwards. They walked to school on their own from 9 onwards.
3. We had a nanny from 3 to 6 for a couple of years during the worst of it.

It wasn’t easy but the kids don’t seem any the worse for it. Indeed, they adapted to college much better than many of their peers. I think we infantilize kids in this country.

This. My parents were both doctors who had very inflexible jobs. All of our afterschool activities were done through the school. We otherwise were latchkey kids who made our own dinners most nights of the week. We also would clean up after ourselves, do the laundry, bike to the grocery store, etc., without being told. The only kids I knew who went to therapy were kids who had SAHMs. Otherwise you had to figure things out on your own. But there was also wasn't the expectation to go to college. ADHD kids usually went to vocational school instead of high school, and did better there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

Not even sure I would call it insane but rec sports are like 2 practices per week + 1 game. 2 kids playing rec is like 4 separate practices + 2 games. It's still a lot to play at a basic level of a sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how we made it work- my kids are out of the house now so mainly this was pre-pandemic/telework.
1. Few activities. They probably just had one each at any one time.
2. Lots of independence and responsibility. The kids did their own laundry from 8 or 9, and cooked a meal a week from 12 or 13. They took themselves to activities on their own by bus or bike from 12 onwards. They walked to school on their own from 9 onwards.
3. We had a nanny from 3 to 6 for a couple of years during the worst of it.

It wasn’t easy but the kids don’t seem any the worse for it. Indeed, they adapted to college much better than many of their peers. I think we infantilize kids in this country.

This. My parents were both doctors who had very inflexible jobs. All of our afterschool activities were done through the school. We otherwise were latchkey kids who made our own dinners most nights of the week. We also would clean up after ourselves, do the laundry, bike to the grocery store, etc., without being told. The only kids I knew who went to therapy were kids who had SAHMs. Otherwise you had to figure things out on your own. But there was also wasn't the expectation to go to college. ADHD kids usually went to vocational school instead of high school, and did better there.

I remember school activities were extremely boring, just kids hanging out.
I wish I had done serious dance or sports or music. That’s going to be harder when you are an adult.

[Anonymous]

Gen X latch key kid here. Did my own laundry at a young age, and had one night per week that I was responsible for making dinner/doing the dishes. Sibling did another night and mom did the rest. I think we were 10 and 12 when that started

I worked PT until our kids went to college. I drove them all over the place for activities, and managed the household. We sacrificed. Drove old cars until they died, the only vacations were driving to grandparents, and as they grew up, our kids did not have the latest and greatest phones that their peers did.

I learned 2 things:

1. It takes a village. I am grateful to the friends we made, who helped us, who we helped, who lived aloud kids as we did theirs.

2. I am the daughter of a feminist who fought for rights we no longer have and this saddens me. My mom taught me women can have it all, work and family. Well, what I learned is that you can have it all, just not all at the same time. My FT job before leaving for children didn't pay enough to make a nanny or child care worth it. And if it did, I would have missed out on family things. I opted to prioritize family, and once the kids went off to college, leaned back in to FT work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

1999? Those are GenX moms. And they were starting the opt out revolution realizing it sucked.

In 1985, 60% of school age moms worked.

But out of all moms, only 15% were professional jobs.

[Anonymous]

What kind of job do you have? You shouldn't be super exhausted by a desk job. This is the time when my thyroid gave up so maybe have your checked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s awful - especially because we all know it does not need to be this way for many professional workers who sit on Teams. All of these anti- worker policies directly harm families and kids.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

I am GenX and both my parents worked. My brother and I came home after school to an empty house using the hidden key, we got our own snacks, played, fought and maybe got some homework done. If we had sports practice or scouts that was not directly after school maybe mom would come home early to drive us but mostly we rode our bikes there and back. Summers were just hanging out with the neighborhood kids for HOURS every single day.

Simpler times. Wonderful memories.

Same but I had a single mom. Dad didn't do anything except take us every other weekend (sometimes because he was an alcoholic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen x here and watched a lot of soap operas by myself and ate granola bars for dinner

Yes! watched tons of soap operas back then. General Hospital with Luke and Laura!

Days of Our Lives with Marlena and Stefano! Buried alive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

1999? Those are GenX moms. And they were starting the opt out revolution realizing it sucked.

In 1985, 60% of school age moms worked.

But out of all moms, only 15% were professional jobs.

Bullshit. Show your cites for those statistics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

1999? Those are GenX moms. And they were starting the opt out revolution realizing it sucked.

In 1985, 60% of school age moms worked.

But out of all moms, only 15% were professional jobs.

Bullshit. Show your cites for those statistics

Here is an article about it:
https://www.nytimes.com/1985/11/20/garden/women-who-work-increasing.html

It’s pretty easy to figure out. Go look at what % of law school graduates in 1985 were women. Or med school. Certainly not many.

If I go look at my dad’s college yearbook, the business degrees are 99% men. Women are getting nursing or education degrees.

I grew up in an affluent community and don’t remember a single mother with a high earning job. Not one. But I knew plenty of male doctors, lawyers, bankers etc.

[Anonymous]

I grew up around mostly single moms. They all worked FT and some had second jobs. It's just what they did. My mom worked FT and had around an hour commute. She did this for 40ish or so years. Everyone did.

I think parents these days are so tired because their kids have way too many activities. Stop signing your kids up for all of that. You're bringing this on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of job do you have? You shouldn't be super exhausted by a desk job. This is the time when my thyroid gave up so maybe have your checked.

My desk job is pretty exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

1999? Those are GenX moms. And they were starting the opt out revolution realizing it sucked.

In 1985, 60% of school age moms worked.

But out of all moms, only 15% were professional jobs.

Bullshit. Show your cites for those statistics

DP - You can't seriously think women commonly had white collar jobs in 1985, can you? Women's progress in education and in the workforce is very recent.

Here's a table of grad degrees awarded each year in the US and what percent went to women. The last column for doctor's degrees includes law, dentists, terminal degree in education, etc, not just PhDs. Women earned 30% of such degrees in 1980 and 35% in 1985.
https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d15/tables/dt15_318.10.asp

Here's a chart on workforce participation that includes all kinds of jobs. Participation - working or looking for work of any kind - is about 50% for mothers of kids under 6 in 1985.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/wb/data/lfp/mother-age-youngestchild