The working parent grind is so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

Don’t most people work because they have to, men and women?

Of course a lot of people may still work in some capacity even if they win the lotto, but the vast majority of people of either gender are primarily there to pay the bills.

No, actually, they don't. I'm quite sure that there are many families on DCUM where both parents don't have to work but choose to anyway. And I'm not just talking about women working. There are plenty of women on this website out earning their spouses. This is a rat race town. Many of you are absolutely 100 percent choosing to live the way you do. It's not out of economic necessity.

Most people want savings, a retirement account and access to health insurance. Why give this up to be dependent on someone else like a child? There are situations where it’s necessary but really most people don’t income. It’s not unreasonable to want access to money and an income.

Don’t discount how many men are idiots and risky bets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many activities are your kids in? If you truly don't see your husband during the week except for before bed, it makes me wonder if there are too many activities.

This is a fair question. One does sport twice a week and Girl Scouts. The other does therapy, a class that is really more social skills therapy than anything, and tutoring. Yes the after school shift is definitely draining. I don't want to deny them these things though. I know that's a choice but it just feels like the choices are very hard!

I likely need to focus on a job with no commute or less commute but that is very hard to find at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many activities are your kids in? If you truly don't see your husband during the week except for before bed, it makes me wonder if there are too many activities.

This is a fair question. One does sport twice a week and Girl Scouts. The other does therapy, a class that is really more social skills therapy than anything, and tutoring. Yes the after school shift is definitely draining. I don't want to deny them these things though. I know that's a choice but it just feels like the choices are very hard!

I likely need to focus on a job with no commute or less commute but that is very hard to find at the moment.

The problem is that the activities aren’t going to go away with a job. I also find the grind exhausting but I think it’s more the activities than the job.

[Anonymous]

^without a job

[Anonymous]

How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Op. This is a good question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Kids didn’t have multiple sports practices a week, therapy, clubs, etc… I don’t think kids did much after school but good around at home and do homework. So there was less schlepping of kids back and forth every afternoon and evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Disagree. You didn't just do it. Women took on menial or part time jobs or were SAHMs. This is what I see from my mom, MIL, aunts.

We millennials were promised more and told that women could excel in workplaces, be equal to men. Telework sort of made this possible for most of us, but now that it's gone, it's become infeasible to both work. Neither my dh, nor I have telework or flexible jobs. School schedules are insane (my kids get out at 2:30) and school is always closed. Dh and I just burn through leave and now we have no leave for family vacations to relax.

I'd love to go part time. We don't need both of our salaries, but we also can't rely just on dh's. Dh + 1/2 of my salary would be perfect. But there doesn't seem to be part time work anywhere to be had. Working 8-2pm would be ideal for me.

[Anonymous]

Op - I went part time and telework only and have no regrets. It lost us a significant chunk of our income (almost 1/3 before tax) but I could not have made it work otherwise. It’s certainly not easier to spend more time with my kids and it’s actually more lonely in some ways as suburban moms are somewhat isolated but it’s what feels right to me, and these years go by so fast!

I was a latchkey kid. There were good and bad things about that but I was pretty lonely and really did miss having more time with my mom.

[Anonymous]

Yes, sounds like it totally sucks OP.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer is in the commute. Over two hours a day is not tenable. You need to get a new job that's closer to home, get a remote job, or move. I would seriously consider moving.

[Anonymous]

Here’s how we made it work- my kids are out of the house now so mainly this was pre-pandemic/telework.
1. Few activities. They probably just had one each at any one time.
2. Lots of independence and responsibility. The kids did their own laundry from 8 or 9, and cooked a meal a week from 12 or 13. They took themselves to activities on their own by bus or bike from 12 onwards. They walked to school on their own from 9 onwards.
3. We had a nanny from 3 to 6 for a couple of years during the worst of it.

It wasn’t easy but the kids don’t seem any the worse for it. Indeed, they adapted to college much better than many of their peers. I think we infantilize kids in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

I am GenX and both my parents worked. My brother and I came home after school to an empty house using the hidden key, we got our own snacks, played, fought and maybe got some homework done. If we had sports practice or scouts that was not directly after school maybe mom would come home early to drive us but mostly we rode our bikes there and back. Summers were just hanging out with the neighborhood kids for HOURS every single day.

Simpler times. Wonderful memories.