breaking up with GF - hid divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe GF fled an abusive relationship and ex is dragging the divorce out to punish her. OR he flat out disappeared on her and she doesn't know where he is to serve him. There's a few reasons why she wasn't honest with you.

Literally none of those are valid reasons for lying about it. None.

[Anonymous]

Op, I would pull back. This is new information. No reason to be a couple. Your radar, though, better be more highly tuned than this. You really should, by now, have a sense of her. I don't think you do. That's an even bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

My friend stayed married to her ex for 3 years, with a limited divorce in Md, although apparently they don't do that legal work around now. She needed his health insurance and they both agreed. They both dated others throughout, remained friends and good coparents, and when he got serous with someone they did the final paperwork. Both considered themselves divorced prior even though technically they were not. It was about health insurance. It's paperwork, that is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe GF fled an abusive relationship and ex is dragging the divorce out to punish her. OR he flat out disappeared on her and she doesn't know where he is to serve him. There's a few reasons why she wasn't honest with you.

Literally none of those are valid reasons for lying about it. None.

Being abused is a fact most people hide from their friends and family much less a new BF.

[Anonymous]

This is like that herpes thread. By lying to you about this she took away your consent. Your choice. That's not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like that herpes thread. By lying to you about this she took away your consent. Your choice. That's not cool.

This. You have the right to decide whether you are interested in dating someone who is legally married. Maybe you think it's no big deal, maybe it bothers you, but she took away your ability to make an informed decision. That's the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she was separated. I think if she was living separately and going through process, I understand not wanting to talk about it.

I’m married but have a few friends going through divorce. It can take years. My good friend has been trying to get divorced for 3 years and the ex is dragging his feet.

I have a good friend whose daughter is the same as as my child. When I met her, she told me she was divorced. Didn’t think anything of it. About 2 years later, she told me she was finally divorced. She said she didn’t want to talk about the process so she just told everyone she already was divorced. It is probably even more something that you may not want to talk about to someone you may date.

This is very very different than having an affair. Someone really going through divorce is single.

I dunno. I’m still married.

No. Someone divorced is single. Someone going through a divorce is still married. And married people reconcile all the time. I would not waste time with someone who was separated unless I knew I was just playing until I found someone single and in a position to commit to me.

As a married person, I guess I only hear about separation when the divorce is imminent. I don’t hear about the separations that reconcile.

I do have friends whose divorces took years. They lived apart but it took years to finalize the divorce, always over money.

[Anonymous]

Meh, if you like her, I’d still see her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she was separated. I think if she was living separately and going through process, I understand not wanting to talk about it.

I’m married but have a few friends going through divorce. It can take years. My good friend has been trying to get divorced for 3 years and the ex is dragging his feet.

I have a good friend whose daughter is the same as as my child. When I met her, she told me she was divorced. Didn’t think anything of it. About 2 years later, she told me she was finally divorced. She said she didn’t want to talk about the process so she just told everyone she already was divorced. It is probably even more something that you may not want to talk about to someone you may date.

This is very very different than having an affair. Someone really going through divorce is single.

I dunno. I’m still married.

No. Someone divorced is single. Someone going through a divorce is still married. And married people reconcile all the time. I would not waste time with someone who was separated unless I knew I was just playing until I found someone single and in a position to commit to me.

As a married person, I guess I only hear about separation when the divorce is imminent. I don’t hear about the separations that reconcile.

[/b]I do have friends whose divorces took years. They lived apart but it took years to finalize the divorce, always over money.

[b]

I've seen a few of these. One very wealthy couple married 30+ years, kids out of the house, took almost 10 years. They definitely both dated during that time and basically only ever talked to each other through lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe GF fled an abusive relationship and ex is dragging the divorce out to punish her. OR he flat out disappeared on her and she doesn't know where he is to serve him. There's a few reasons why she wasn't honest with you.

Literally none of those are valid reasons for lying about it. None.

Being abused is a fact most people hide from their friends and family much less a new BF.

They don't have to share that they're abused. They also don't have to lie about being divorced.

[Anonymous]

She is probably still sleeping with her ex too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend stayed married to her ex for 3 years, with a limited divorce in Md, although apparently they don't do that legal work around now. She needed his health insurance and they both agreed. They both dated others throughout, remained friends and good coparents, and when he got serous with someone they did the final paperwork. Both considered themselves divorced prior even though technically they were not. It was about health insurance. It's paperwork, that is all.

Not the same, though. If this is what you're doing, and it works for you and your still-technically-your-spouse, great, but you don't get to tell new partners you're divorced.

I'm not against the arrangement, but be honest about your arrangement(s). Some people don't want to date a married person, even if they really are just married-on-paper for the health insurance, and lying to deprive them of that knowledge is wrong and cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Along with the fact she is lying to you, she didn't come to you with honesty you found out by asking her, again, and she 'fessed up. That would bother me as well.

This is the most important issue in my POV. Her hiding it and not coming clean on her own when she is 6 months in a relationship shoes how dishonest she is and wouldn't care that it would hurt the person she loves. Horrible morals and integrity. I am sure she is like this with her kids too and lie to them about important stuff about her ex-H to make her look good. Narcissist, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom 43, daughter 25. She had her kid young. Probably not much experience in dating, thus hiding the truth. Hopefully she will learn from this.

Teen mom and probably with her ex-H for a long time and now back in the dating game. This shows emotional immaturity on her part. Not sure how OP is but if he is a decent guy then it would be her loss and it is very difficult to find a good LTR in your 40s. Most of the people just give up. Liars are just going to be that forever and she is just being dishonest with herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe GF fled an abusive relationship and ex is dragging the divorce out to punish her. OR he flat out disappeared on her and she doesn't know where he is to serve him. There's a few reasons why she wasn't honest with you.

Literally none of those are valid reasons for lying about it. None.

Being abused is a fact most people hide from their friends and family much less a new BF.

No, mostly men hide because it brings so much shame. Women on the other hand toot the horn of abuse whenever they get a chance. It is so common that some of them also make fake claims about their exs. Again, not a valid reason.