breaking up with GF - hid divorce

[Anonymous]

She’s a liar. End the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Not a black and white issue for me. I can understand why people lie about this stuff on first meeting.

I would want a very early clarification though. "Hey, now that this is more than just another random one off dinner date, I want to be upfront about..."

A lot depends for me on how she approached telling you, why it took this long (!!!), what the overall context of the relationship is, and - most importantly - what your gut says.

If your gut instinct is bad - trust it. If your gut is that this is forgiveable/understandable and the full context of the relationship mitigates this one thing, then hang in there a bit maybe and test the viability.

Big red flag at minimum, but not necessarily an absolute immediate relationship ended IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a black and white issue for me. I can understand why people lie about this stuff on first meeting.

I would want a very early clarification though. "Hey, now that this is more than just another random one off dinner date, I want to be upfront about..."

A lot depends for me on how she approached telling you, why it took this long (!!!), what the overall context of the relationship is, and - most importantly - what your gut says.

If your gut instinct is bad - trust it. If your gut is that this is forgiveable/understandable and the full context of the relationship mitigates this one thing, then hang in there a bit maybe and test the viability.

Big red flag at minimum, but not necessarily an absolute immediate relationship ended IMO.

There are so many non-liars out there. You recognize a glaring red flag, and encourage op to put it aside? No no no. We see the red flags and we GTF away from people who seek to lie and deceive us! Have some self respect ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's sneaky behavior. She knows that many men have a boundary in place so she lies to get around that. It's creepy.

+1 she deceived you. This is the end.

[Anonymous]

I agree that she could be lying a lot about other things too.

Things she told you about her ex-H is probably her and she is turning it around to make him look bad.

This is not OP but for other readers - could she be a narcissist who cares so much about her image and would lie to her teeth for something this important. She didn't come clean on her own either.

[Anonymous]

Even if it's not a big deal to you, for example, if they are truly broken up, living separate and just waiting for paperwork to go through, realize this chick is a liar and that will not change. She will always chose to lie over telling a hard truth because it's easier. That's a huge lie. I've gone on dates from OLD where the woman tells me she isn't divorced yet while she doesn't way that in her profile. But at least she told me on first meeting. Because of my past experience with this, that's a hard no for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll take the other side, just because this thread is so one-sided. Does she have any outstanding redeeming qualities ? Like, she’s extremely hot and you’re dating out of your league ? Or she’s super rich and pays for dates/trips ? You basically have a free pass on any marriage talk or getting super serious as long as this situation exists. Might just ride it and have some fun.

You make good point. If she is way out of his league, maybe he can let this slide if everything else is wonderful and if, there is a definite timetable for the divorce. Not just something where neither side is making it a priority, or worse. If not, she is a married woman booty call and that can be fun too. Just acknowledge it for what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if it's not a big deal to you, for example, if they are truly broken up, living separate and just waiting for paperwork to go through, realize this chick is a liar and that will not change. She will always chose to lie over telling a hard truth because it's easier. That's a huge lie. I've gone on dates from OLD where the woman tells me she isn't divorced yet while she doesn't way that in her profile. But at least she told me on first meeting. Because of my past experience with this, that's a hard no for me.

Yeah, no for me. This was too important of a detail to miss.

If you are not too attached to her, then continue to have sex with her and then make her give you a lot of BJ

[Anonymous]

I could understand that she lied on first date but then should have come clean on her own after a few dates and things were getting serious.

It was sneaky, dishonesty, and disrespectful for OP's gf to do that and he is right to break up with her.

[Anonymous]

OP, break it and learn from this. There is nothing you could have done in this situation if she chose to lie.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what OP's gf is teaching her kids. they see this is happening and kids gonna be like mom - sneaky, deceitful and full of surprises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she lies with ease about this, she lies about other things too.

This. Demote to FWB until you find someone else, then cut her loose.

[Anonymous]

She lied about something significant and likely will lie about other significant things. This is a huge red flag and I think you should break up with her.

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation and didn’t break up, and we are now married to each other. I don’t refer it one bit. By middle age life gets messy and dating becomes horrible. I wasn’t about to give my now wife up over some drawn out legal stuff. I knew at the time that that she was 100% done with her ex, loved me, and was what I wanted in a wife. I also understood why she lied, because other men might not take her seriously. Their loss. Middle aged dating is hell if you want a partner. I guarantee you the guys who dumped my wife are not better off.

What you should do depends on what you are looking for and how your relationship has otherwise gone. If you want a serious partner and you’ve been really enjoying her then don’t break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what OP's gf is teaching her kids. they see this is happening and kids gonna be like mom - sneaky, deceitful and full of surprises.

probably and what are her kids like, OP?