Crippling regret over having an only

[Anonymous]

I am an only with an only.

Wouldn't have it any other way!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Soon you may have to care for an aging parent, and you’ll have your hands full.

Being an older parent of a young child isn’t easy for either the parent or the child. You might have wished you had the kid sooner, or maybe not at all. The grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only with an only.

Wouldn't have it any other way!!!!!!

I know a family like this and it’s several generations (matrilineal).

I have 3 kids and wouldn’t have it any other way, so I hear where OP is coming from. But it’s nice to hear positive perspectives on having an only. Some people really love it and do so by choice. It’s a shame it’s so often something people have to explain (why just one??), which I don’t think makes it any easier for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only with an only.

Wouldn't have it any other way!!!!!!

I know a family like this and it’s several generations (matrilineal).

I have 3 kids and wouldn’t have it any other way, so I hear where OP is coming from. But it’s nice to hear positive perspectives on having an only. Some people really love it and do so by choice. It’s a shame it’s so often something people have to explain (why just one??), which I don’t think makes it any easier for OP.

Why would you post here in this thread about having three kids and not wanting it any other way. You suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only with an only.

Wouldn't have it any other way!!!!!!

I know a family like this and it’s several generations (matrilineal).

I have 3 kids and wouldn’t have it any other way, so I hear where OP is coming from. But it’s nice to hear positive perspectives on having an only. Some people really love it and do so by choice. It’s a shame it’s so often something people have to explain (why just one??), which I don’t think makes it any easier for OP.

Why would you post here in this thread about having three kids and not wanting it any other way. You suck.

Wow. Perhaps I was too brief. I am sympathetic to wanting more than one kid because I did. I do think there are all kinds of wonderful family sizes, and my intention was to highlight this. I have a lot of sympathy for OP because I wanted multiple kids but can imagine being in her shoes. But I also think that it would be amazing to have the time and resources to devote one’s self fully to one child, and invest in that relationship completely. There are real pros.

Apologies for any miscommunication.

[Anonymous]

I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

What kind of special needs?

[Anonymous]

Op you are angry because you have a fantasy in your head about what your life would be like with more kids. Recognize that it's just a fantasy and the reality would evitably be much different. Enjoy the life you have instead of ruminating on "what could have been."

[Anonymous]

My younger one has a disability and will probably never leave us, just be thankful for what you have op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

This is a pretty hateful thing to say particularly as it sounds like PP and her husband are currently expecting said third child and navigating a challenging diagnosis in real time here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

This is a pretty hateful thing to say particularly as it sounds like PP and her husband are currently expecting said third child and navigating a challenging diagnosis in real time here.

PP fundamentally changed the lives of three children by her choice of having a third. The two healthy ones will never get the full love and attention of these parents. Her husband is already resenting her decision, the child is suffering, and the other two children will have a lesser quality of life. Because someone wanted more children and couldn't be happy with the family and humans they already created.

Bringing human life into the world should not be done with such a cavalier "who cares" attitude, and it's the children that suffer here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

This is a pretty hateful thing to say particularly as it sounds like PP and her husband are currently expecting said third child and navigating a challenging diagnosis in real time here.

PP fundamentally changed the lives of three children by her choice of having a third. The two healthy ones will never get the full love and attention of these parents. Her husband is already resenting her decision, the child is suffering, and the other two children will have a lesser quality of life. Because someone wanted more children and couldn't be happy with the family and humans they already created.

Bringing human life into the world should not be done with such a cavalier "who cares" attitude, and it's the children that suffer here.

PP’s husband agreed to have a third child and PP was being self-critical and reflective (good character traits btw). You’re assuming a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is normal to have regrets in life. I sympathize with you on that and wish I could give you a big hug.

For the sake of yourself and your child, I think you need to focus on how to make the life you have fulfilling and joyful within the realm of what you can control.

Many onlies and parents of onlies are the coolest people I know and are very close with their parents as adults. I can think of multiple examples of adults who chose to have one child bc that was how they were raised and loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

This is a pretty hateful thing to say particularly as it sounds like PP and her husband are currently expecting said third child and navigating a challenging diagnosis in real time here.

PP fundamentally changed the lives of three children by her choice of having a third. The two healthy ones will never get the full love and attention of these parents. Her husband is already resenting her decision, the child is suffering, and the other two children will have a lesser quality of life. Because someone wanted more children and couldn't be happy with the family and humans they already created.

Bringing human life into the world should not be done with such a cavalier "who cares" attitude, and it's the children that suffer here.

PP’s husband agreed to have a third child and PP was being self-critical and reflective (good character traits btw). You’re assuming a lot.

Agreed for her. Instead of resenting a non-hypothetical kid, someone will actually resent a real life person. That sucks for that person, and it's worse when they had 0 choice in being born.