Crippling regret over having an only

[Anonymous]

I have one child. I would have loved to have 3 but my husband was never ready for another. My one child will be out of the house in a few years. I am so sad and resentful. It is just so much regret for me and I don’t know how to ever move past that. Not sure what I’m looking for but posting but maybe some words of wisdom from others who have dealt with regrets?

[Anonymous]

Adopt

[Anonymous]

Have you told your spouse? It's not his way or your way that gets to "win." A marriage is a partnership.

[Anonymous]

I have had 7 miscarriages, OP, while trying for another kid. Sometimes it doesn't work out even when you try.

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? My parents had my younger sibling when I was 12.

[Anonymous]

I have felt this way at times -- if life had been different, I would have had at least a second child, but it was not in the cards for us.

However, I focus on how much I love my kid and how special our bond is because she's an only. I know it will be hard when she leaves for college but all kids leave eventually -- it's not like having more kids would eliminate empty nesting as a concept for me.

Also sometimes I think about how it will be easier to support my kid in life without ever having to worry about another kid. If she needs me, I can be there, and I'll never have to worry about more than one kid needing me at once.

[Anonymous]

I think you should focus your efforts on working through your own issues. If your child is within a few years of being out of the house, as an only child myself, I am quite certain your child doesn’t have these regrets of not having a sibling.

But if it’s creating resentment for your spouse, you definitely need to figure out how to work through it or it’s going to make the empty nest phase really stressful and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

You’re feeling sad because your only is leaving, and you don’t have a “backup”, so you’re projecting. I say this kindly.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a dog? I mean this kindly, but a dog will help give you something to love and care for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had 7 miscarriages, OP, while trying for another kid. Sometimes it doesn't work out even when you try.

I'm sorry.

I wish I could give you a bug hug, that is heartbreaking. I also could give birth only to a child and after a miscarriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re feeling sad because your only is leaving, and you don’t have a “backup”, so you’re projecting. I say this kindly.

+1. You would feel this way when the last one left, no matter how many you had.

[Anonymous]

*big

[Anonymous]

I have two kids and am 1.5 years from an empty nest. It happens to everyone eventually (unless something goes wrong). Please don’t damage your marriage with resentment. You’ll be living with DH much longer than you would have lived with a hypothetical child.

[Anonymous]

You should talk to a therapist, I say this kindly. Either you and your husband have major issues that you will need to work out now and when your kid leaves or you are projecting something onto him and your kid that they don't deserve.

I have an only; I thought I would have more. Infertility, miscarriages, all of it I went through. I gave myself a set period of time to grieve not having the family I thought I would have and have spent the rest of the wonderful, wonderful years with my only child enjoying all the great things about her. This is a better way to live.

[Anonymous]

Another perspective - We have 2, but one is on the spectrum and will not ever interact with her sibling. There are many possible outcomes when having children.