Crippling regret over having an only

[Anonymous]

hypothetical* not non-hypothetical oy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

This is a pretty hateful thing to say particularly as it sounds like PP and her husband are currently expecting said third child and navigating a challenging diagnosis in real time here.

PP fundamentally changed the lives of three children by her choice of having a third. The two healthy ones will never get the full love and attention of these parents. Her husband is already resenting her decision, the child is suffering, and the other two children will have a lesser quality of life. Because someone wanted more children and couldn't be happy with the family and humans they already created.

Bringing human life into the world should not be done with such a cavalier "who cares" attitude, and it's the children that suffer here.

PP’s husband agreed to have a third child and PP was being self-critical and reflective (good character traits btw). You’re assuming a lot.

Agreed for her. Instead of resenting a non-hypothetical kid, someone will actually resent a real life person. That sucks for that person, and it's worse when they had 0 choice in being born.

It doesn’t sound that way at all. Having a kid with SN is hard and puts pressure on the family but that’s doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Being honest about the mixed feelings around it is not the same as resenting a person. You are drawing an unnecessarily negative picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

This is a pretty hateful thing to say particularly as it sounds like PP and her husband are currently expecting said third child and navigating a challenging diagnosis in real time here.

PP fundamentally changed the lives of three children by her choice of having a third. The two healthy ones will never get the full love and attention of these parents. Her husband is already resenting her decision, the child is suffering, and the other two children will have a lesser quality of life. Because someone wanted more children and couldn't be happy with the family and humans they already created.

Bringing human life into the world should not be done with such a cavalier "who cares" attitude, and it's the children that suffer here.

PP’s husband agreed to have a third child and PP was being self-critical and reflective (good character traits btw). You’re assuming a lot.

Agreed for her. Instead of resenting a non-hypothetical kid, someone will actually resent a real life person. That sucks for that person, and it's worse when they had 0 choice in being born.

It doesn’t sound that way at all. Having a kid with SN is hard and puts pressure on the family but that’s doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Being honest about the mixed feelings around it is not the same as resenting a person. You are drawing an unnecessarily negative picture.

PP here that you’re discussing. Thank you.

To the pp criticizing me… you’re not saying anything I haven’t already thought about myself. I was practically suicidal about it at one point and probably would have gone through with it if I hadn’t rationally known it would make everyone’s life more challenging in many ways. I shared a vulnerable thing to offer the OP another perspective from someone who had been at a similar impasse with their spouse and had the child. Living with my choices has been difficult for a multitude of reasons and I wanted to offer OP the other side of “what if.” You should be careful of the hateful things you say on the internet. I already know I made a complicated and selfish choice. I had reaaons for doing it that I thought were in my kids best interest, but obviously, sometimes things don’t work out as you imagined. That’s what I wanted to share with OP - she’s grieving and resenting an alternate - positive - reality that could have been possibility, but is actually only one of many possible outcomes, not all of which are straightforward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll give you another perspective.

I really wanted a third child and my husband wanted to stay at two. We knew one of us would resent the other and finally my husband agreed to have a third kid.

My third kid might have some special needs. So now I need to deal with the fact that not only did my husband have a third kid for me, but I also added a lot of extra heartache over the special needs aspect of things.

I’m sure if I’d stopped at two I always would have wondered what if and resented my husband for it. I’m just saying that there is something to be said for being grateful for what you have.

IMO it's better to resent someone and not have a child, than have the child and resent them. I feel so awful for your third.

This is a pretty hateful thing to say particularly as it sounds like PP and her husband are currently expecting said third child and navigating a challenging diagnosis in real time here.

PP fundamentally changed the lives of three children by her choice of having a third. The two healthy ones will never get the full love and attention of these parents. Her husband is already resenting her decision, the child is suffering, and the other two children will have a lesser quality of life. Because someone wanted more children and couldn't be happy with the family and humans they already created.

Bringing human life into the world should not be done with such a cavalier "who cares" attitude, and it's the children that suffer here.

PP’s husband agreed to have a third child and PP was being self-critical and reflective (good character traits btw). You’re assuming a lot.

Agreed for her. Instead of resenting a non-hypothetical kid, someone will actually resent a real life person. That sucks for that person, and it's worse when they had 0 choice in being born.

It doesn’t sound that way at all. Having a kid with SN is hard and puts pressure on the family but that’s doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Being honest about the mixed feelings around it is not the same as resenting a person. You are drawing an unnecessarily negative picture.

PP here that you’re discussing. Thank you.

To the pp criticizing me… you’re not saying anything I haven’t already thought about myself. I was practically suicidal about it at one point and probably would have gone through with it if I hadn’t rationally known it would make everyone’s life more challenging in many ways. I shared a vulnerable thing to offer the OP another perspective from someone who had been at a similar impasse with their spouse and had the child. Living with my choices has been difficult for a multitude of reasons and I wanted to offer OP the other side of “what if.” You should be careful of the hateful things you say on the internet. I already know I made a complicated and selfish choice. I had reaaons for doing it that I thought were in my kids best interest, but obviously, sometimes things don’t work out as you imagined. That’s what I wanted to share with OP - she’s grieving and resenting an alternate - positive - reality that could have been possibility, but is actually only one of many possible outcomes, not all of which are straightforward.

❤️