How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

My kid
Is now a student at my Alma mater and my response, I'm thrilled!
They wouldn't have let them in if they weren't a good candidate. So, f anyone who cares. Everybody is happy on our end.

[Anonymous]

Who are we protecting here? Sounds like it’s the kid who thought they had a competitive application but didn’t get admitted to an elite school. So, OP’s kid has to console them by suggesting that legacy tipped the scales for him? Wouldn’t that make the fragile kids even more resentful? I guess it’s a cope to “blame”the legacy parents. So stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Yes. We're really happy that he was accepted and hope he likes it as much as we did."

+1
And you lt son shouldn’t shy away from the obvious “I’m so happy I get to go where my parents did. I know my legacy status helped.” No shame in that - it’s still an accomplishment. . . Just not as big of an accomplishment as an unhooked kid, which btw, is fine.

[Anonymous]

Short and sweet:

“Who knows? (Said with a smile and a shrug.) This whole process is crazy! How are you?”


Works for your DC. Work for you and your DH, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Yes, legacy probably helped me, but many legacies don’t get admitted. My application was competitive in every way. No shame here. Good luck to you!”

Please don’t say this.

Seriously. Cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

Many top schools no longer give bumps for legacy students. Are you sure that they still do?

Yes, we have had people say this about our two legacy kid (currently a junior). I am clear that the school no longer does any legacy preference. Too bad for us!

[Anonymous]

Unless your Alma mater is explicitly states it doesn’t give legacy preference it did help, which isn’t the same thing at all as him not being qualified to go there! It’s nbd and doesn’t detract from your son being accomplished enough to be admitted but may make sense of things for the kid who was also qualified but wasn’t accepted.

Having said that, it’s obviously rude for the other kid to say aloud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

Okay, you've admitted he's a strong student but not necessarily stronger than his high achieving classmates, right? Some resentment in that case is natural. Get over it, and take the win.

I never said that. Strong SAT score, has a perfect GPA with highest rigor classes. He goes to a public HS, not private. He’s well known a a top student though they don’t give out class ranks.

We have never hired a tutor or a college counselor. Plenty of applicants have had advantages that he didn’t have.

If he brings it up again I will suggest he say “thanks I’m lucky” and change the subject like pp’s have said.

You didn't need to hire college counselor because you were legacy and your kid was a shoo-in. Are you really this obtuse?

False

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's very lucky because that's what it is. Luck.

No, the point is he had a hook. That isn’t luck.

A person is lucky if they happen to be born to people who went to an elite college that gives a legacy preference. That's definitely luck.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

Our son is also a double legacy at a top school and he just got admitted early. We also aren't big donors. Son also is very qualified.

Some responses he could say:
"Yeah, I'm lucky"
"Yeah, it helped for sure" (short and sweet, being gracious and confident always works best)

If it continues to come up, maybe humor, " Yeah, it helped. I still had to trick admissions to let me in during my interview."

Self-deprecating: "I don't know how I got in here" (with a confident laugh).

I will be telling my son to not mention legacy when he attends. It can be taken as bragging. And really, who ever talks about where their parents went to college?

It is a great privilege, no doubt, to have legacy and it helped our sons gain admissions. It is a further privilege our son has that we can pay his tuition. Some students who get in (especially middle class), might not be able to attend, despite winning admissions, because parents can't afford it. Our son knows this but it should be underscored.

And he should know that others will also have assumptions made about them: athletes also get this ("you don't belong, only here because of your sport" or assumptions that their stats are lower). Of course minorities and women have been hearing forever that they don't belong or didn't earn their place.

Your son (and mine) should be confident and gracios with their wins. They are just at the beginning!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's very lucky because that's what it is. Luck.

No, the point is he had a hook. That isn’t luck.

It’s luck to have legacy status.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised other kids know where adults went to college.

[Anonymous]

Why do your son’s friends know where you went to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP: please note that so many of these responses are clearly from people who do not have legacy status to offer to their kids.

The vast majority of legacies would be there anyway, or worst case it is a tie-breaker. There are a few well-publicized cases of kids who get a big boost from it. These tend to be filthy rich kids so it is very obvious.

If these kids are too dumb to understand it, let them live in their sad little world. Tell your child to hold their head high and know that they fully deserve to be there and not to care what these small people think.

+1 - people without legacy at top schools build it up in their minds into something it’s not. Most of my classmates’ kids are not getting into my college with it’s 4 % admissions rate either

[Anonymous]

OP, what are the chances you think kid would have been admitted without double legacy? If you say anything more than 10%, you are delusional.

I reckon you think it would be more like 50/50 or 40/60…

You can’t have your cake (admission) and eat it too. You made the choice to go with the potential legacy benefit and it worked: you have a great outcome, and no right to complain.