How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

“Yes, legacy probably helped me, but many legacies don’t get admitted. My application was competitive in every way. No shame here. Good luck to you!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Yes, legacy probably helped me, but many legacies don’t get admitted. My application was competitive in every way. No shame here. Good luck to you!”

Please don’t say this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Yes, legacy probably helped me, but many legacies don’t get admitted. My application was competitive in every way. No shame here. Good luck to you!”

Please don’t say this.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Small refinement:

Yes, legacy probably helped — but plenty of legacies aren’t admitted. My application was competitive in every way. I’m proud of what I accomplished.

[Anonymous]

A simple "yeah, I feel lucky and grateful" then change the subject.

[Anonymous]

For your next kid have them not tell anyone they are legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

Okay, you've admitted he's a strong student but not necessarily stronger than his high achieving classmates, right? Some resentment in that case is natural. Get over it, and take the win.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These assumptions are hurtful and uncalled for, whether one’s a URM, legacy, etc. I hope parents aren’t openly speculating about their kids’ classmates’ qualifications at home, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Sometimes it’s the parents who are planting this attitude in their kids.

Denying that a double legacy gives one a boost is being obtuse.

Non donor legacy at a top school is a tie breaker at best. OP’s kid was at least as strong as the other kid.

So it did work to get him in. A non-legacy has to be better than the legacy because there is no thumb on their side if the scale.

This is how it works right now. If you benefit from it, you can hardly complain that other people know that you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Small refinement:

Yes, legacy probably helped — but plenty of legacies aren’t admitted. My application was competitive in every way. I’m proud of what I accomplished.

Oh No! No, no, no! Do not say that of the orginal comment. That is not how senior talk to their friends. No.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: please note that so many of these responses are clearly from people who do not have legacy status to offer to their kids.

The vast majority of legacies would be there anyway, or worst case it is a tie-breaker. There are a few well-publicized cases of kids who get a big boost from it. These tend to be filthy rich kids so it is very obvious.

If these kids are too dumb to understand it, let them live in their sad little world. Tell your child to hold their head high and know that they fully deserve to be there and not to care what these small people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Yes, legacy probably helped me, but many legacies don’t get admitted. My application was competitive in every way. No shame here. Good luck to you!”

Please don’t say this.

Why?

Because people would go from being jealous that he had an advantage he didn't have to earn to being annoyed at his arrogance. That's not the move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Small refinement:

Yes, legacy probably helped — but plenty of legacies aren’t admitted. My application was competitive in every way. I’m proud of what I accomplished.

Oh No! No, no, no! Do not say that of the orginal comment. That is not how senior talk to their friends. No.

I don’t get it. What is wrong with this. Is there something factually wrong here? What about the tone is off? Why can fellow seniors smack this kid for legacy but can’t admit the larger set of facts? Are his friends that fragile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Yes, legacy probably helped me, but many legacies don’t get admitted. My application was competitive in every way. No shame here. Good luck to you!”

Please don’t say this.

Why?

Because it sounds ridiculous, defensive, and willfully blind to the process. Legacy helps…plenty of (over)qualified applicants are denied. In this case, the kid got in. Trying to deflect and talk about what a great app you submitted is like Don, Jr. saying yeah, nepotism probably helped but many of my dad’s friends and relatives didn’t get similar benefits and my background is competitive anyway. It sounds ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP: please note that so many of these responses are clearly from people who do not have legacy status to offer to their kids.

The vast majority of legacies would be there anyway, or worst case it is a tie-breaker. There are a few well-publicized cases of kids who get a big boost from it. These tend to be filthy rich kids so it is very obvious.

If these kids are too dumb to understand it, let them live in their sad little world. Tell your child to hold their head high and know that they fully deserve to be there and not to care what these small people think.

If your kid actually hates these people he calls his “friends” and never wants to be included in anything they do again, this is excellent advice.

If on the other hand he thinks that they’re just especially anxious right now and will probably be in at good schools by March and be great lifelong friends and contacts, he should be a lot less defensive about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP: please note that so many of these responses are clearly from people who do not have legacy status to offer to their kids.

The vast majority of legacies would be there anyway, or worst case it is a tie-breaker. There are a few well-publicized cases of kids who get a big boost from it. These tend to be filthy rich kids so it is very obvious.

If these kids are too dumb to understand it, let them live in their sad little world. Tell your child to hold their head high and know that they fully deserve to be there and not to care what these small people think.

It’s a tie breaker, yes, you are right. Dumb to think it’s not.