Why can’t men just…be better?

[Anonymous]

Agree about genes and peacetime. All those ADHD men out there who would have run off to war and gotten themselves killed are now at home, making kids, and now we are ending up with girls born with ADHD, which shouldn’t be happening at all!! How on earth is a family supposed to function if the mom has ADHD? Insanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent area. The guys around me seem good. I have two sons. Both are good looking, smart and athletic. All their friends are all good looking and will probably be good catches one day.

DH earns a seven figure income. His work is full of decent men. DH and I both attended top colleges and grad schools, both full of great men. The wives of these men are usually attractive and smart.

Dating is like musical chairs. One day you may not have a match if all the chairs get taken.

OMG, woman! Seriously, you don’t get it. “Good looking”, “smart”, “athletic”, “attractive” - your emphasis is all wrong and on the wrong things. You’re probably raising sexist a-holes. How about “caring”, “supportive”, “loving”, “kind”, “good decision makers”, “empathetic” - these qualities are in short supply, especially in men. There are plenty of successful men who would throw a friend under a bus to benefit themselves and then treat their women like commodities to be collected - women’s job it to cook clean and look after him, right?

So I have a unicorn of a husband who is an excellent provider, doting father and a strong role model for my boys. He is kind, supportive and trustworthy. I know I am lucky.

Provide some examples PP. Superlatives don’t cut it.

Do you work fulltime? Then you’d know that: show me don’t tell me. Basic due diligence. Skip the headline BS and go right to the examples that prove your headline. Or maybe they don’t….

[Anonymous]

its like saying why can't women stay thin beautiful and be younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent area. The guys around me seem good. I have two sons. Both are good looking, smart and athletic. All their friends are all good looking and will probably be good catches one day.

DH earns a seven figure income. His work is full of decent men. DH and I both attended top colleges and grad schools, both full of great men. The wives of these men are usually attractive and smart.

Dating is like musical chairs. One day you may not have a match if all the chairs get taken.

So do I. And 50% of these undefined “good men” are not at all active or caring fathers, husbands or managers of people at work.

But enjoy your cliches Troll.

Pp here. I’m not a troll at all. DH earns a seven figure income, helps out with the kids and house. My friends often say we make a great team.

Yes, many men don’t pull their weight with the house and kids. OP did not mention that in her OP. OP is not married and doesn’t have kids yet so she isn’t even there yet.

My DH does help with house chores and we can afford to outsource cleaning. He will still help cook, do dishes, take out the trash, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy question. The same sense of entitlement that led them to never excel in the first place keeps them from improving themselves. They feel they are owed something because other people have it.

And woman don’t think this way?

I don’t. I see mediocre men getting promoted in the workplace all the time because they stole MY work. And I’m looked down on for complaining. They definitely have privileges that come with that penis.

Not disagreeing with you, but I was speaking to actions within a romantic relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress better? Your priorities are out of wack.

No, this is a good point. Too many men are just slovenly. Like the suburban dad uniform of khaki cargo shorts, a T-shirt from college, trainers and backwards trucker cap (probably to cover their growing bald spot).

Not a lot of men out there who wear pressed trousers, a polo or button-down shirt of natural material or a quarter-zip, shoes that coordinate with their belt. It's like they're all clones. Bring back men in fedoras and three-piece suits when they're out in public, I say.

I am a guy and the dressing comment is the one OP made that I agree with.

My husband always notices this as well. At church he says the other men all look like total slobs. And I guess they do!
The worst is when the wife is all dressed up and the husband looks like an old frat boy. But I know these guys make a lot of money so....

As the saying goes… Money doesn’t equal class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The honest answer is because many genes shouldn’t be replicated. You would think these women who are smart wouldn’t have kids with these losers, so the genes wouldn’t be replicated … but they do anyway. So we’re left to ask … why do smart women have kids with loser men?

Because thr women aren't as smart as they think they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent area. The guys around me seem good. I have two sons. Both are good looking, smart and athletic. All their friends are all good looking and will probably be good catches one day.

DH earns a seven figure income. His work is full of decent men. DH and I both attended top colleges and grad schools, both full of great men. The wives of these men are usually attractive and smart.

Dating is like musical chairs. One day you may not have a match if all the chairs get taken.

So do I. And 50% of these undefined “good men” are not at all active or caring fathers, husbands or managers of people at work.

But enjoy your cliches Troll.

Pp here. I’m not a troll at all. DH earns a seven figure income, helps out with the kids and house. My friends often say we make a great team.

Yes, many men don’t pull their weight with the house and kids. OP did not mention that in her OP. OP is not married and doesn’t have kids yet so she isn’t even there yet.

My DH does help with house chores and we can afford to outsource cleaning. He will still help cook, do dishes, take out the trash, etc.

Examples and quantify them.

Pretend you have a day job too.

[Anonymous]

Help help help help

What a leader of the family.

[Anonymous]

He helps sometimes! On this or that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many relationship forum threads seem to devolve into the notion that “good” men (employed, functional) are rare - and I think we can all agree on that. That being the case, why can’t men just…improve themselves? Dress better, aim higher, work harder, get out there? What is stopping them??

Why can’t women improve themselves? Dress better, aim higher, work harder, get out there? What is stopping them?

men and children

[Anonymous]

No mental load then if all you do is act like the Help.

Just show up here and there when convenient for yourself, someone tells you a task or two to help out on, and you provide some help. That’s the extent of being a Good Man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many relationship forum threads seem to devolve into the notion that “good” men (employed, functional) are rare - and I think we can all agree on that. That being the case, why can’t men just…improve themselves? Dress better, aim higher, work harder, get out there? What is stopping them??

Why can’t women improve themselves? Dress better, aim higher, work harder, get out there? What is stopping them?

men and children

Touche!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many relationship forum threads seem to devolve into the notion that “good” men (employed, functional) are rare - and I think we can all agree on that. That being the case, why can’t men just…improve themselves? Dress better, aim higher, work harder, get out there? What is stopping them??

Why can’t women improve themselves? Dress better, aim higher, work harder, get out there? What is stopping them?

men and children

2 steps FW, 3 steps back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent area. The guys around me seem good. I have two sons. Both are good looking, smart and athletic. All their friends are all good looking and will probably be good catches one day.

DH earns a seven figure income. His work is full of decent men. DH and I both attended top colleges and grad schools, both full of great men. The wives of these men are usually attractive and smart.

Dating is like musical chairs. One day you may not have a match if all the chairs get taken.

So do I. And 50% of these undefined “good men” are not at all active or caring fathers, husbands or managers of people at work.

But enjoy your cliches Troll.

Pp here. I’m not a troll at all. DH earns a seven figure income, helps out with the kids and house. My friends often say we make a great team.

Yes, many men don’t pull their weight with the house and kids. OP did not mention that in her OP. OP is not married and doesn’t have kids yet so she isn’t even there yet.

My DH does help with house chores and we can afford to outsource cleaning. He will still help cook, do dishes, take out the trash, etc.

Examples and quantify them.

Pretend you have a day job too.

I don’t need to work. I have a part time job. I am wrapping gifts today and have some holiday parties. I am doing some work for my nonprofit and need to wrap up our winter break plans.

Maybe if you weren’t so negative, you would not be on the internet complaining about lack of good men. If we were friends, you could get introduced to the men we know.