Am I overreacting to MIL’s push for bottles while I’m EBF?

[Anonymous]

OP, first of all - hugs to you! And may I also very gently suggest that you are overreacting. I once flipped out that my MIL brought me a baby blanket, for some reason I found that horribly offensive like she was trying to tell me how to decorate my house and that i can't buy my baby a soft blanket. Hormones be crazy! But I will say my kid had the HARDEST time adjusting to bottles when i went back to work, so it is one thing i wish i did differently for sure, would have introduced it sooner. Be gentle on yourself and try to see the situation through a lens of help and care. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s okay to politely tell someone not to tell you how to feed your child, regardless of their sincerity or intentions.

Giving someone who you know plans to pump and bottle feed a gift related to pumping and bottle feeding is not "telling you how to feed your child."

OP's emotions are high because she is postpartum. I'm not blaming her. But the answer to the question of "am I overreacting" is yes. She is. We can be compassionate about the fact that she's postpartum, and also respect her by telling her the truth. She is overreacting.

Agree with this. And also, big deal if she talked about it to her friend. Sounds like she hasn't said a word to you. I know my mom said some things to her friends about various things I did with DS that she didn't agree with or thought was ridiculous. Not a big deal. I'm sure my kids are going to do things with their kids I think are silly and I'll vent to a friend.

You've never vented to a friend about something someone else has done but knew it wasn't your place to say anything to them?

I think you need to learn how to let things go and not read into situations so much. It'll make life hard if you're always assuming the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused. You plan to pump and bottle feed, starting in a couple months. Your MIL brought you a gift that will be very useful when you do this thing you plan to do and that she knows you plan to do.

How is that different from someone bringing a baby born in the summer a size six month sweater, or some spoons? People give baby gifts months in advance all the time.

This was exactly my reaction.

OP,m you seem to be looking for things to be annoyed about. Stop that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work.

You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself?

It is traditional in our society to purchase gifts for new moms. It’s also common to buy gifts that will be useful down the road, and not just things that are immediately useful for a newborn. Almost all of the gifts are things that the new moms know how to purchase.

I don't know about OP, but I'm very picky about baby items and prefer to buy my own. Especially when it comes to exposure to plastics. I bought glass ones.

Of course you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s okay to politely tell someone not to tell you how to feed your child, regardless of their sincerity or intentions.

Giving someone who you know plans to pump and bottle feed a gift related to pumping and bottle feeding is not "telling you how to feed your child."

OP's emotions are high because she is postpartum. I'm not blaming her. But the answer to the question of "am I overreacting" is yes. She is. We can be compassionate about the fact that she's postpartum, and also respect her by telling her the truth. She is overreacting.

This is right. And also, to the PP who wrote, "It’s okay to politely tell someone not to tell you how to feed your child, regardless of their sincerity or intentions":

OP gets a pass because she is a new mother and is postpartum. You, however, don't. You gave crappy advice, wither because you didn't read carefully, or because you're just a reactive nitwit. Cut that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s okay to politely tell someone not to tell you how to feed your child, regardless of their sincerity or intentions.

Giving someone who you know plans to pump and bottle feed a gift related to pumping and bottle feeding is not "telling you how to feed your child."

OP's emotions are high because she is postpartum. I'm not blaming her. But the answer to the question of "am I overreacting" is yes. She is. We can be compassionate about the fact that she's postpartum, and also respect her by telling her the truth. She is overreacting.

Agree. Also think it is smart to have some on land and to have a bag in the freezer. What happens if you get sick? What happens if you have an accident or God forbid your relative has an accident and you need to go to hospital to be with them? It’s really smart to get baby accustomed to taking a bottle in an emergency. And you don’t want to be running out and shopping for bottles at that point. I always even kept that tin of formulae they have you at the hospital in case anything happened to me — at least my spouse could feed baby and they wouldn’t have to run out to grocery store while dealing with whatever emergency or illness prevented me from BFing. If you are into staying home 12 weeks you really should try to get baby used to bottle soon. With my first, I had my husband do one bottle a week thinking that would be okay. It was not enough and my first week back at work was rough with my baby doing a daily hunger strike, crying all day and keeping me up all night to eat.
I breast fed my three for almost 2 years each.

My word of kind advice is that you should be open to advice and suggestions from other moms. It isn’t a judgement or criticism on you as a mom. None of us got a degree in motherhood — we can read the parenting books and talk to doctors but one of the best ways to learn is from people who have been there and done that. That’s not to say that their way is best or better than your way, but it really helps to be open to other Ellie saying “it’s a good idea to….” Or “what worked to me was…” or “I made a real mistake by not…..”. I don’t know why so many women are threatened by other women sharing advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work.

You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself?

Then nobody should ever give baby gifts the mother knows how to buy stuff herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work.

You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself?

OP also knows she should clothe her baby. Does she intend to take offense to gifts of diapers and onesies?

lol exactly

Can’t you see, it’s not about the item, it’s about the boundary.

Bottles are nice gifts, pacifiers are nice gifts, diapers are nice gifts. But they aren’t nice gifts if they don’t align with the parents’ clear choices. That is the issue here.

OP has chosen to bottle feed starting at some point before she goes back to work. How does this gift not align with her clear choices?

I agree that if she had communicated that she planned to be a SAHM who never used bottles this would
be rude, but she literally plans to use bottles.

i'm so confused by this whole thread and all the people bashing MIL-- she brought milk storage bags and bottles! unless mom decides to quit her job in the next 7 weeks she'll need to give baby milk in a bottle and much better to start that now before the 12 week mark. my lacatation consultant said to start no later than 6 weeks and give at least 1 bottle a day-- i didn't do it consistently and baby had horrible bottle refusal for a couple months. i consider myself "EBF" - my kid is 7 months and has never had a sip of formula... but yes she uses bottles!

and sure they may not be your preferred choice but i wouldn't donate them yet- during our bottle refusal we tried about 5 brands and various size nipples. a friend brought me pampers for my first kid and i wanted a more natural brand-- i wasn't offended, just returned them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You refer to a 12 week maternity leave suggesting you plan to go back. You should give the baby a bottle. I had many friends who had trouble when they went back if they didn’t introduce a bottle before it was almost time to go back to work. Plenty of friends had no trouble too but it is the recommendation generally.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP she's not being intrusive she's being helpful.

You are going back to work you need those bottles. The problem is you not her.

[Anonymous]

I also do not think your MIL did anything wrong. It's not so bad that she aspires to someday feed the baby! And you said you were planning on bottles so that's what she got you. Some people are squeamish about feeding someone else's breastmilk so it's nice if she isnt. I agree that if she were pushing formula she would not have bought milk storage bags. Maybe she did that to show her support of your EBF.

FYI not all daycares allow glass. I did need a lot of bottles because sometimes the daycare forgot to send back an empty, or I was just too tired to wash out the empties, and it's nice to have fresh ones because the plastic can get a little dingy. So I would have appreciated a gift of bottles and considered it no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Lots of SAHMs do a bottle now and then too. It's smart to be prepared. I had an ectopic pregnancy when my baby was 14 months old and if I hadn't taught her to take a bottle, it would have been sooooo much harder. Emergencies happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of SAHMs do a bottle now and then too. It's smart to be prepared. I had an ectopic pregnancy when my baby was 14 months old and if I hadn't taught her to take a bottle, it would have been sooooo much harder. Emergencies happen.

You mean 4 months old??

[Anonymous]

It sounds like Op is building her identity that she is EBF. Good for you to have that work out. However, if you do plan to go back to work (and not use your maternity leave and then quit), you need to get baby taking bottles sooner than later. Have you not left your newborn alone for more than a few hours? Do you plan to let your DH feed the baby at all? Why are you so averse to MIL giving bottles as a gift? It’s not like she brought over a big can of formula. I say this as someone who cannot stand my controlling abusive MIL.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's worse for you to resent and mull this over and over - than to just say, in the moment, they aren't needed. Speak-up.