Am I overreacting to MIL’s push for bottles while I’m EBF?

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as a problem that is easily solvable in under 10 seconds.

If you don’t want the bottles, throw them away when she leaves. Done.

If she tries to corner you, lecture you, guilt you, or pressure you, deal with it then. Right now, her motivations actually don’t matter because: the solution takes zero emotional energy and is right there in front of you in under 10 seconds.

Don’t let this take your brain space, man. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work.

You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself?

OP also knows she should clothe her baby. Does she intend to take offense to gifts of diapers and onesies?

lol exactly

Can’t you see, it’s not about the item, it’s about the boundary.

Bottles are nice gifts, pacifiers are nice gifts, diapers are nice gifts. But they aren’t nice gifts if they don’t align with the parents’ clear choices. That is the issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a problem that is easily solvable in under 10 seconds.

If you don’t want the bottles, throw them away when she leaves. Done.

If she tries to corner you, lecture you, guilt you, or pressure you, deal with it then. Right now, her motivations actually don’t matter because: the solution takes zero emotional energy and is right there in front of you in under 10 seconds.

Don’t let this take your brain space, man. You do you.

OP here. Thank you. It’s definitely a learning curve. I appreciate this advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work.

You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself?

OP also knows she should clothe her baby. Does she intend to take offense to gifts of diapers and onesies?

lol exactly

Can’t you see, it’s not about the item, it’s about the boundary.

Bottles are nice gifts, pacifiers are nice gifts, diapers are nice gifts. But they aren’t nice gifts if they don’t align with the parents’ clear choices. That is the issue here.

She’s on week 5 of a 12-week maternity leave. Most daycares don’t offer a wet nurse service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work.

You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself?

OP also knows she should clothe her baby. Does she intend to take offense to gifts of diapers and onesies?

lol exactly

Can’t you see, it’s not about the item, it’s about the boundary.

Bottles are nice gifts, pacifiers are nice gifts, diapers are nice gifts. But they aren’t nice gifts if they don’t align with the parents’ clear choices. That is the issue here.

She’s on week 5 of a 12-week maternity leave. Most daycares don’t offer a wet nurse service.

Now you’re just being silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can be well-intentioned AND undermine you, OP. This is what's happening. It's not sweet or rude, it just... is. Stash the bottles at the back of a cupboard and forget about them!

My mother and aunts all bottle-fed their kids and can't get over the breastfeeding thing. They were raised in a very uptight "health and bodies are taboo" culture and think breastfeeding is for people in African villages with no modern amenities (yes, they're all racist and classist and were not taught any science in school).

Too bad for them, and for your MIL!

That's so weird, what culture is against breastfeeding? WASP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can be well-intentioned AND undermine you, OP. This is what's happening. It's not sweet or rude, it just... is. Stash the bottles at the back of a cupboard and forget about them!

My mother and aunts all bottle-fed their kids and can't get over the breastfeeding thing. They were raised in a very uptight "health and bodies are taboo" culture and think breastfeeding is for people in African villages with no modern amenities (yes, they're all racist and classist and were not taught any science in school).

Too bad for them, and for your MIL!

That's so weird, what culture is against breastfeeding? WASP?

Pretty close, but across the pond.

[Anonymous]

I think the reality is this stuff happens a lot with relatives and you have to pick your battles. Man my MIL was all about rice cereal. She kept telling me how she would put rice cereal in a cross cut nipple bottle to get get her kids to sleep through the night. Of course I didn't let her do that, but I learned to let certain comments just go unanswered.

5 weeks you're still really early and frazzled and I can see how this is annoying, but just learn to ignore some stuff.

[Anonymous]

Well you will need bottles when you go back to work right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you will need bottles when you go back to work right?

OP said she has them, included with her pump. Probably Medela.

[Anonymous]

I’d just let it go and assume that 1) she’s trying to be helpful in giving you a gift you’ll need when you go back to work and 2) the friend asked her what to get you as a gift and that’s what she suggested. Who knows, maybe she had problems with her babies taking a bottle and she’s trying to help you get a head start on getting the baby used to it. I tried so hard to get both kids to take a bottle and they never did! (I didn’t have to go back to work when I was nursing but I did want the ability to have someone else feed them sometimes, but even starting early at like 7 weeks and giving them one feeding per day from a bottle, they both eventually just refused to take it.) So maybe she had a similar experience and this is her way of suggesting you start introducing a bottle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work.

You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself?

OP also knows she should clothe her baby. Does she intend to take offense to gifts of diapers and onesies?

lol exactly

Can’t you see, it’s not about the item, it’s about the boundary.

Bottles are nice gifts, pacifiers are nice gifts, diapers are nice gifts. But they aren’t nice gifts if they don’t align with the parents’ clear choices. That is the issue here.

OP has chosen to bottle feed starting at some point before she goes back to work. How does this gift not align with her clear choices?

I agree that if she had communicated that she planned to be a SAHM who never used bottles this would
be rude, but she literally plans to use bottles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well you will need bottles when you go back to work right?

OP said she has them, included with her pump. Probably Medela.

But, as people pointed out, many babies need to try multiple nipples and brands. Now she has two other brands to try.

Plus it’s unclear if OP’s MIL knows she has bottles. If she doesn’t, this is like someone bringing your newborn a cute hooded sweater with Bear ears not knowing your sister gave you one last week. You donate and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you will need bottles when you go back to work right?

I mean, as someone who pumped for work, you don't actually need that many bottles. You need to wash them basically immediately anyway, so with 3 bottles/day you can get away with like 6 of them. Some people seem to actually like you need dozens.

[Anonymous]

I think you are overthinking it. Like any gift, say thank you and move on. Even if she did give it because she thinks you should bottle feed as well, really, who cares? You are the mom.

That being said, I was one of the moms who wished I introduced a bottle earlier for my first DC. It can be very stressful if your baby doesn’t take to the bottle and you are getting ready to go back to work. It’s not a bad idea to start introducing one on the earlier side.