Am I overreacting to MIL’s push for bottles while I’m EBF?

[Anonymous]

She's out of line. Ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a stage of life when it’s easy to put oversteps like these in perspective. Try to think of what you’ll wish you’d done/how you’ll wish you reacted when your kid is 10.

I’m worried about setting a precedent in regards to what she thinks I’ll allow. It felt a little gross, especially after the second time when clearly she’d been discussing it. Did she prompt the friend to bring bottles? It was so weird.

You know what's weird? You obsessing over this. Put them in the cabinet and let it go.

[Anonymous]

I think people are missing that grandma also brought milk storage bags. That means she's not pushing formula. She's trying to be helpful, OP. It sounds like you're going back to work in a few months and you should probably start getting your child used to bottles in a few weeks anyway so it's not a rough transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a new mom to a five-week-old and currently EBF while on 12-week maternity leave. Things are going well with feeding, and I haven’t started pumping yet, though I do have a pump.

Here’s the issue: My MIL seems really uncomfortable with the fact that I’m EBF. Early on, she brought over a set of bottles and milk storage bags, saying I should have them “just in case.” I found it a little intrusive but let it go because new baby, new stress, picking my battles, etc. Fast forward to this past weekend, MIL visited again, this time with a family friend who brought a baby outfit and more bottles as a gift. The friend even said, almost apologetically, “they’re good to have, just in case.” I didn’t say anything in the moment, but I strongly suspect MIL had discussed my feeding choices with this friend. Now I’m silently stewing over it. My friends are split, some say it's sweet and well meaning, others say it’s boundary crossing and low key judgmental.

I’m honestly just looking for some outside perspectives here. Is this a harmless gesture, or is she subtly trying to undermine my choice to EBF?

Your MIL did not "Push" for bottles while you are EBF your baby. She just got you bottles "Just In Case".

[Anonymous]

With all due respect, you were overreacting. So somebody bought you bottles, who cares! Guess what? There might be a day in the near future when you do use them and maybe you’ll be grateful that you have bottles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's annoying and maybe because your MIL wants the privilege of feeding the baby. Ignore.

Oooh my initial reaction was that MIL is just trying to be helpful and to chill out (a little people will DO use bottles end up having to try several different types, which is why it’s seen as a benign and useful present), especially if OP already knows they’re going to be firm on those boundaries.

But this response is like a diabolical twist I never thought of!!

I also think for that generation it’s just formula vs breastmilk - it’s likely just crosswired in forever that EBF includes putting breastmilk in a bottle lol.

It's nothing to do with generation. Baby will be taking a bottle if mom is going back to work after 12 wk maternity leave. Or not eating while mom is at work.

[Anonymous]

The only reason you’re offended is because you have a little pea brain and it’s your mother-in-law. Had anybody on your side of your family or your friends given you bottles you would be over the moon that you had different bottles to try besides one brand.

If you will be sending your baby to daycare or have a nanny, they will need to be drinking out of bottles sooner rather than later. You’re actually doing that baby a disservice by not having your baby feed from bottles to get them used to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused. You plan to pump and bottle feed, starting in a couple months. Your MIL brought you a gift that will be very useful when you do this thing you plan to do and that she knows you plan to do.

How is that different from someone bringing a baby born in the summer a size six month sweater, or some spoons? People give baby gifts months in advance all the time.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. It wasn’t so much about the bottles themselves, because like someone upthread said, it’s like someone bringing a baby outfit for next season, just hoping it’ll fit. It was more about how she must have been discussing it with her friend, because they used the same phrase “just in case” and seemed almost reluctant and embarrassed, like she was coerced. Maybe I’m reading into it, but that was my instinct. It just didn’t feel well intended.

Someone said it and I sort of think they may be on to something: she is sad she can’t feed the baby, even though that day will come soon, hopefully—now I’m worried and thinking sooner than later for the bottles! (I have them from my pump system already.)

You're being too sensitive.

Yes, she's just had a life change.

She's finding her way. Big deal if she's sensitive.

DP.

My eldest is in middle school now. I wish I had tried harder to roll with issues like this. My MIL did overstep but I overreacted.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, OP, when I went back to work after my first, we had to try at least dozen different bottle/nipple combinations before we found one she would take. Consider this gift a gift. That's $50 less than you'll have to spend on bottles when you go back to work.

I know it's hard being a first time mom and it's easy to get offended by every little thing, but trust me when I tell you this is helpful, your MIL is being helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing that grandma also brought milk storage bags. That means she's not pushing formula. She's trying to be helpful, OP. It sounds like you're going back to work in a few months and you should probably start getting your child used to bottles in a few weeks anyway so it's not a rough transition.

Ha, good catch. Yes, storage bags definitely aren't used for formula. Either OP hasn't given much thought to what happens at the end of her maternity leave, or she plans to WFH while a nanny brings her the baby anytime it needs to eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s okay to politely tell someone not to tell you how to feed your child, regardless of their sincerity or intentions.

Giving someone who you know plans to pump and bottle feed a gift related to pumping and bottle feeding is not "telling you how to feed your child."

OP's emotions are high because she is postpartum. I'm not blaming her. But the answer to the question of "am I overreacting" is yes. She is. We can be compassionate about the fact that she's postpartum, and also respect her by telling her the truth. She is overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s okay to politely tell someone not to tell you how to feed your child, regardless of their sincerity or intentions.

Giving someone who you know plans to pump and bottle feed a gift related to pumping and bottle feeding is not "telling you how to feed your child."

OP's emotions are high because she is postpartum. I'm not blaming her. But the answer to the question of "am I overreacting" is yes. She is. We can be compassionate about the fact that she's postpartum, and also respect her by telling her the truth. She is overreacting.

Best response so far. I gave a bit of a snarky response above but this gets it right.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. Lock her out d necessary.

Tell your DH to get her under control.

[Anonymous]

Do nothing.

Not worth a moment of your time. Stick bottles in closet like any other unwanted gift.