Am I overreacting to MIL’s push for bottles while I’m EBF?
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Anonymous
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I’m a new mom to a five-week-old and currently EBF while on 12-week maternity leave. Things are going well with feeding, and I haven’t started pumping yet, though I do have a pump.
Here’s the issue: My MIL seems really uncomfortable with the fact that I’m EBF. Early on, she brought over a set of bottles and milk storage bags, saying I should have them “just in case.” I found it a little intrusive but let it go because new baby, new stress, picking my battles, etc. Fast forward to this past weekend, MIL visited again, this time with a family friend who brought a baby outfit and more bottles as a gift. The friend even said, almost apologetically, “they’re good to have, just in case.” I didn’t say anything in the moment, but I strongly suspect MIL had discussed my feeding choices with this friend. Now I’m silently stewing over it. My friends are split, some say it's sweet and well meaning, others say it’s boundary crossing and low key judgmental. I’m honestly just looking for some outside perspectives here. Is this a harmless gesture, or is she subtly trying to undermine my choice to EBF? |
Anonymous
| It's annoying and maybe because your MIL wants the privilege of feeding the baby. Ignore. |
Anonymous
| It’s not a stage of life when it’s easy to put oversteps like these in perspective. Try to think of what you’ll wish you’d done/how you’ll wish you reacted when your kid is 10. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t enjoy my MIL getting involved in how I feed the baby, but she’s right that you should get the baby used to taking a bottle if you’re planning to go back to work. |
Anonymous
I’m worried about setting a precedent in regards to what she thinks I’ll allow. It felt a little gross, especially after the second time when clearly she’d been discussing it. Did she prompt the friend to bring bottles? It was so weird. |
Anonymous
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Do things your way and ignore.
It's not worth being openly militant. First-time moms get energized and angry about things second-time moms laugh about. I bf'ed my kids well into toddlerhood. I didn't use bottles enough during leave so my 6 month old had trouble using bottles upon intro to daycare and had to learn to sippy cup feed breastmilk early. It's good to have the supplies and leave them in a closet in case your mind changes. |
Anonymous
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Well my first had so much trouble taking a bottle, I started a bottle with my second much earlier. Maybe your mil had a similar situation?
My mil pushed a pacifier and that irked me, but we ended up using it and it was fine. Try not to take it too personally. I took way too much personally back then and it was such a waste of the little energy I had to spare! |
Anonymous
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I am confused. You plan to pump and bottle feed, starting in a couple months. Your MIL brought you a gift that will be very useful when you do this thing you plan to do and that she knows you plan to do.
How is that different from someone bringing a baby born in the summer a size six month sweater, or some spoons? People give baby gifts months in advance all the time. |
Anonymous
| You refer to a 12 week maternity leave suggesting you plan to go back. You should give the baby a bottle. I had many friends who had trouble when they went back if they didn’t introduce a bottle before it was almost time to go back to work. Plenty of friends had no trouble too but it is the recommendation generally. |
Anonymous
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My mom was shocked I decided to exclusively breast feed my second. She really truly believed my body couldn't produce enough milk, and it clearly was a product of the messaging when she was a young mother in her home country.
Just understand it comes from a good place and do what you want. And know that if you end up wanting to supplement, there's no shame in that either. |
Anonymous
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I think in this case they are going with what they know: bottle feeding. I wouldn’t take it too amiss and instead just assume they mean well. If this is your only evidence that MIL is uncomfortable with you EBF, then I mean this very kindly but you are being overly sensitive.
Also, learn this now: YOU are the mom. YOU are driving this bus. Everyone will have an opinion about what you’re doing, and you know what? Who cares?! Let them. Not caring is your best defense, your best use of energy, and your best way to focus on what’s important. Congrats on your baby! |
Anonymous
| It’s clear you don’t be able to ebf once you go back to work, so I think she’s just being helpful in making sure you’re prepared. I wouldn’t read too much into it. |
Anonymous
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My mother in law was completely unhinged that I chose to breastfeed my kids. She was especially insufferable with my firstborn - on this topic and in general.
She eventually loosened up a bit when the novelty of having a grandchild wore off but she is still overbearing and critical in general and we had to set boundaries/ignore a lot of what she said. That said, I had caretakers giving the baby occasional bottles of pumped milk from about three weeks on, so that my kids would always take a bottle if needed. I always pumped daily to build a freezer stash. Ensuring your baby takes a bottle is always a good idea incase you need to or want to leave the baby sometimes (which is encouraged!) |
Anonymous
You don’t think OP knows that, and how to purchase bottles herself? |
Anonymous
Oooh my initial reaction was that MIL is just trying to be helpful and to chill out (a little people will DO use bottles end up having to try several different types, which is why it’s seen as a benign and useful present), especially if OP already knows they’re going to be firm on those boundaries. But this response is like a diabolical twist I never thought of!! I also think for that generation it’s just formula vs breastmilk - it’s likely just crosswired in forever that EBF includes putting breastmilk in a bottle lol. |