"Because I Have To Visit My Father"

[Anonymous]

It's not your dad. I just wouldn't accomodate her. Leave on Sunday morning before she dets up. Let her deal with it all. It's her mess after all.

[Anonymous]

His dad moves in with you. Problem solved

[Anonymous]

Is the dad just on assisted living for some extra care or near death which would me a nursing home or hospice.

This is BS. Her priority is her own family
She can call her dad on Sunday’s and visit once per month.

Did she visit when he wasn’t at assisted living. I bet not.

You need to sit her down and explain that her priority is her own damn family.

She can move her dad to the nearest facility to your house to cut out 4 hours of driving.

Or she can visit once every 3 weeks.

You have a wife who doesn’t have her priorities. Straight.

[Anonymous]

My husband works one day every weekend. It is what is it is. Give him the list of things you want done and let him figure out when to do them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's father is in assited living in Richmond. He moved in last May. We are in Bethesda.

Every other Sunday since that time, my spouses leaves here around 9am drives to Richmond, visits their father,l often taking him to unch and drives back here, arriving home around 3 or 4.

All of the other Sunday chores -laundry, grocery shopping meal prep for the week, cleaning etc fall on me. We have two dogs, a cat, two kids ages 4 and 7 and it's dawning on me that this isn't really 'fair.' When I brought this up the response was "Because I have to visit my father". Like that obligated me to be a quasi single parent?

I've tried to move the shopping and cleaning to other nights of the week but it just doesn't stick. We both have busy schedules, long commutes, our eldest plays soccer, etc.

We've talked about hiring out the stuff we can but neither of us likes having a stranger in the house and we are both pretty picky about our produce so Insta cart is a non starter.

I guess what bothers me most is their refusal to admit that I'm the one being shafted in this arrangement.

Please give me helpful suggestions.

Okay, but just remember: you asked for this.

1) Stop being a whiner. The victimese in your post is pathetic. Fortify yourself and act like an adult with agency, because that's what you are. Nobody's "shafting" you.

2) Get off your high horse about strangers in the house and your precious produce and hire help. Be grateful you can afford this instead of nitpicking a viable solution. You're in your own way, shafting yourself on this front. Stop that.

3) Learn how to operate a family calendar, and stick to it. "it just doesn't stick" is passive. "I didn't stick to it" is more likely, and you need to be responsible for solving your problem and not waiting and whining until someone solves it for you. Get your shit together. If it doesn't fit perfectly the first time, try again until it does.

4) Stop complaining. Truly. Go 30 days without fixing your face to complain. For every time you want to whinge and whine about how "shafted" you feel, flip it. Your spouse gives a fsck about his aging parent, and you admire and respect his compassion and dedication to his family. You can afford to pay someone to do your grocery shopping and housekeeping. Your kid is healthy and able-bodied enough to play a sport. Immediately remove the idea that you're a single parent from your wee little head, because you probably wouldn't last a week, hunty. Instead, you need to get some damned gratitude for your petty little shite problem(s).

5) which is really 4(a) Fsck "fair". Life ain't fair. You've got it SO much better than so many people! Someone would be delighted to have your problems. Lots of someones, in fact. You don't actually want fair, Veruca. You just want what you want when you want it. Get over it.

Buy yourself the help you need, including a therapist if you need help wrapping your head around those suggestions, and STFU.

Everything you just typed could be used to explain away sexual assault and find the perpetrator faultless.
Go F^^k yourself.

Everything PP wrote is spot on, which is why you had to come up with this ridiculous nonsense argument that has absolutely nothing to do with the discussion at hand.

What a clown!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's father is in assited living in Richmond. He moved in last May. We are in Bethesda.

Every other Sunday since that time, my spouses leaves here around 9am drives to Richmond, visits their father,l often taking him to unch and drives back here, arriving home around 3 or 4.

All of the other Sunday chores -laundry, grocery shopping meal prep for the week, cleaning etc fall on me. We have two dogs, a cat, two kids ages 4 and 7 and it's dawning on me that this isn't really 'fair.' When I brought this up the response was "Because I have to visit my father". Like that obligated me to be a quasi single parent?

I've tried to move the shopping and cleaning to other nights of the week but it just doesn't stick. We both have busy schedules, long commutes, our eldest plays soccer, etc.

We've talked about hiring out the stuff we can but neither of us likes having a stranger in the house and we are both pretty picky about our produce so Insta cart is a non starter.

I guess what bothers me most is their refusal to admit that I'm the one being shafted in this arrangement.

Please give me helpful suggestions.

Okay, but just remember: you asked for this.

1) Stop being a whiner. The victimese in your post is pathetic. Fortify yourself and act like an adult with agency, because that's what you are. Nobody's "shafting" you.

2) Get off your high horse about strangers in the house and your precious produce and hire help. Be grateful you can afford this instead of nitpicking a viable solution. You're in your own way, shafting yourself on this front. Stop that.

3) Learn how to operate a family calendar, and stick to it. "it just doesn't stick" is passive. "I didn't stick to it" is more likely, and you need to be responsible for solving your problem and not waiting and whining until someone solves it for you. Get your shit together. If it doesn't fit perfectly the first time, try again until it does.

4) Stop complaining. Truly. Go 30 days without fixing your face to complain. For every time you want to whinge and whine about how "shafted" you feel, flip it. Your spouse gives a fsck about his aging parent, and you admire and respect his compassion and dedication to his family. You can afford to pay someone to do your grocery shopping and housekeeping. Your kid is healthy and able-bodied enough to play a sport. Immediately remove the idea that you're a single parent from your wee little head, because you probably wouldn't last a week, hunty. Instead, you need to get some damned gratitude for your petty little shite problem(s).

5) which is really 4(a) Fsck "fair". Life ain't fair. You've got it SO much better than so many people! Someone would be delighted to have your problems. Lots of someones, in fact. You don't actually want fair, Veruca. You just want what you want when you want it. Get over it.

Buy yourself the help you need, including a therapist if you need help wrapping your head around those suggestions, and STFU.

Everything you just typed could be used to explain away sexual assault and find the perpetrator faultless.
Go F^^k yourself.

Huh? Get help you delulu person. What are you even posting?
- DP

It's probably OP, who got exactly what they asked for, couldn't handle it, and made up some garbage so they could reframe themselves as victim, again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It's my wife visiting her dad. And yes it is every Sunday. I meant it has been every other Sunday we have had since May.

I know it is the stage of life because I see it all round us with our friends. My parents died when I was young (mother at 14, father at 25) so this sin't something my wife has had to accomodate, or ever will.

Honestly, just the recognition that I'm rowing the boat for her while she deals with her dad is all I'm looking for.

Boo effing hoo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It's my wife visiting her dad. And yes it is every Sunday. I meant it has been every other Sunday we have had since May.

I know it is the stage of life because I see it all round us with our friends. My parents died when I was young (mother at 14, father at 25) so this sin't something my wife has had to accomodate, or ever will.

Honestly, just the recognition that I'm rowing the boat for her while she deals with her dad is all I'm looking for.

Boo effing hoo

Ditto

Also, nobody uses “every other Sunday” to mean every Sunday. So, are you just upping the ante to get more sympathy?
Or do you just communicate worse than a 5th grader?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It's my wife visiting her dad. And yes it is every Sunday. I meant it has been every other Sunday we have had since May.

I know it is the stage of life because I see it all round us with our friends. My parents died when I was young (mother at 14, father at 25) so this sin't something my wife has had to accomodate, or ever will.

Honestly, just the recognition that I'm rowing the boat for her while she deals with her dad is all I'm looking for.

Boo effing hoo

Ditto

Also, nobody uses “every other Sunday” to mean every Sunday. So, are you just upping the ante to get more sympathy?
Or do you just communicate worse than a 5th grader?

Reported for sock puppeting. You will likely be IP banned.

[Anonymous]

My 92 y/o dad is a recent widower and lives alone. I travel 90 miles once every week or two to take him to appointments, help around the house, and spend a night with him so he has some company. If DH ever complained about it I'd be hurt and upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It's my wife visiting her dad. And yes it is every Sunday. I meant it has been every other Sunday we have had since May.

I know it is the stage of life because I see it all round us with our friends. My parents died when I was young (mother at 14, father at 25) so this sin't something my wife has had to accomodate, or ever will.

Honestly, just the recognition that I'm rowing the boat for her while she deals with her dad is all I'm looking for.

Boo effing hoo

Ditto

Also, nobody uses “every other Sunday” to mean every Sunday. So, are you just upping the ante to get more sympathy?
Or do you just communicate worse than a 5th grader?

Reported for sock puppeting. You will likely be IP banned.

OP, quit being fragile and go pick up your produce. This is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It's my wife visiting her dad. And yes it is every Sunday. I meant it has been every other Sunday we have had since May.

I know it is the stage of life because I see it all round us with our friends. My parents died when I was young (mother at 14, father at 25) so this sin't something my wife has had to accomodate, or ever will.

Honestly, just the recognition that I'm rowing the boat for her while she deals with her dad is all I'm looking for.

Boo effing hoo

Right? OP wants the story to center around them, because they're "rowing the boat". Except they're not. They're complaining, while other people are going through harder things. OP's wife is the one traveling every (other?) weekend, and then listening to OP betch about how it should be about OP, and how hard it is for OP, and wah wah wah OP. It's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

You would never ever ever hear a woman complain about this. When men have to do what women do, it’s such a hardship.

OP, the fact that your wife is visiting her father all the way through traffic on 95 shows she is also the kind of person that will take care of you when you are old or ill or both. No doubt she is not excited about spending her day in traffic. Why don’t you all set up grocery delivery and make a meal schedule? Or do laundry during the week? It’s okay to let loads sit in the washer for a few hours or the dryer for a day. It’s okay. Spend the time she’s out having fun with your kids.

[Anonymous]

I never ever complain when my DH takes care of his mother because I know he’s the kind of man that will be by my side no matter what.

[Anonymous]

It’s a season. His dad won’t be around forever.
Agree with PP that spouse should take the kids once a month to see grandad.
Also agree with PP to consider if grandad should be moved closer. Are friends or others from the community coming to see him or is he in the same place as friends? I’m sure there is a cost difference btwn there and this area, too. But a consideration.

My parents definitely did this. My mom and her sister alternated Fridays to take my grandmother to her hair appt and pick up groceries and have lunch. My dad traveled for work, but then every weekend or every other, he drove to his parents (hour each way). When we were still at home (teens) he did not pressure us to go every time, but we probably went every other time. And visits weren’t that long. So frequency versus duration is also a consideration.
You have to be willing to be flexible on some things - you like to pick out your produce? I understand. Order all your other goods and just run by for produce or be willing to accept that a couple of times a month the produce might not be perfect.

It’s a challenging season. Best to you.