AITA? Mortgage still in my name

[Anonymous]

OP here. Forgive my ignorance on the subject, but I would essentially just need to find a new divorce lawyer, correct?
Asking because (I stated this above but is probably lost in all the responses) we handled everything ourselves, other than hiring a divorce lawyer to draw up all the paperwork. When I contacted her about 6 months back with this same question, she said she wasn’t able to act on my behalf since she technically worked for the both of us.
She wasn’t a mediator, she simply did all the paperwork and handled all questions we had.
She did say “I can tell you, however, that he is technically in contempt of court”.

[Anonymous]

You could contact that attorney again and ask her for a referral. Tell her this is still unresolved and you understand she can't represent you, so who would she recommend.

Also, go to an Al-Anon meeting or something. You are so suffering the dynamics of entanglement with an addict and you can't see that clearly without help. You're beating yourself up when to a total stranger it's clear that you having to get legal and financial separation from this person. But you've allowed it to go on for years because of emotional entanglement. (Not that you still love him - but you feel badly for him, feel concern for him, blah blah blah). Those are CLASSIC addiction dynamics.

You would be able to see this very clearly if a friend was telling you this story - so try to see it that clearly for yourself.

Good luck. I don't mean to sound cold, at all, but I've dealt with a ton of addiction in my family. It's taken me years of therapy to manage my own ability to disentangle.

Hope you can get some quick, full legal resolution OP!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Forgive my ignorance on the subject, but I would essentially just need to find a new divorce lawyer, correct?
Asking because (I stated this above but is probably lost in all the responses) we handled everything ourselves, other than hiring a divorce lawyer to draw up all the paperwork. When I contacted her about 6 months back with this same question, she said she wasn’t able to act on my behalf since she technically worked for the both of us.
She wasn’t a mediator, she simply did all the paperwork and handled all questions we had.
She did say “I can tell you, however, that he is technically in contempt of court”.

Yes, find a new and aggressive divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

"Also, go to an Al-Anon meeting or something. You are so suffering the dynamics of entanglement with an addict and you can't see that clearly without help. You're beating yourself up when to a total stranger it's clear that you having to get legal and financial separation from this person. But you've allowed it to go on for years because of emotional entanglement. (Not that you still love him - but you feel badly for him, feel concern for him, blah blah blah). Those are CLASSIC addiction dynamics."

I second this advice. I actually think it's messed up that people are held to divorce agreements they made when they were still under the emotional control of their ex spouse. It sounds like OP was desperate to get away and sever the relationship with her ExH, and agreed to things that nobody in their right mind would have done. If she'd had her own attorney, one would hope that the attorney would have pointed out to her that she was doing a disservice to herself by not at least acknowledging in the settlement agreement that she did contribute something to the marriage. In an ideal world, maybe people should have therapists and divorce lawyers who work together to get you through the mess without giving away the farm. I've seen too people who have victimized their spouse for years extract crazy money from them during the negotiations. Judges just rubber stamp the agreements without asking questions. It's really messed up.