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[quote=Anonymous]"Also, go to an Al-Anon meeting or something. You are so suffering the dynamics of entanglement with an addict and you can't see that clearly without help. You're beating yourself up when to a total stranger it's clear that you having to get legal and financial separation from this person. But you've allowed it to go on for years because of emotional entanglement. (Not that you still love him - but you feel badly for him, feel concern for him, blah blah blah). Those are CLASSIC addiction dynamics."

I second this advice. I actually think it's messed up that people are held to divorce agreements they made when they were still under the emotional control of their ex spouse. It sounds like OP was desperate to get away and sever the relationship with her ExH, and agreed to things that nobody in their right mind would have done. If she'd had her own attorney, one would hope that the attorney would have pointed out to her that she was doing a disservice to herself by not at least acknowledging in the settlement agreement that she did contribute something to the marriage. In an ideal world, maybe people should have therapists and divorce lawyers who work together to get you through the mess without giving away the farm. I've seen too people who have victimized their spouse for years extract crazy money from them during the negotiations. Judges just rubber stamp the agreements without asking questions. It's really messed up. [/quote]

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