Bringing toddler to lunch with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them, OP, but expect an honest answer. If asked, I always told my friends I was not interested in them bringing their kids of any age. I told them we could reschedule for another time. We are all still friends.

If someone asked to bring their kid/told me they didn't have a sitter I'd just suggest rescheduling.

X100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overestimating how easy it is to find a sitter for a weekday lunch. If the mom stays home, I’d say she and child are a package deal until the child starts preschool and the mom can meet for coffee. Most SAHMs don’t want to pay a sitter to meet a friend for lunch. If mom works, obviously the child is in daycare or has another caregiver. If lunch is on the weekend, then mom goes solo while dad watches the child.

That's your choice then. My choice is to spend time with you when you actually GAF about spending time with me. So, kind of goes both ways.

Meh. Would you demand a friend use annual leave to meet you for lunch? A SAHM’s job is to care for her child during the work day. If you are rigid enough to demand a SAHM’s undivided attention during a midweek lunch and are unavailable on evenings or weekends (when the father could watch the child), then yeah, the friendship is over.

[Anonymous]

It’s very annoying. I’d rather come to your house during nap time or join you for a stroller walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overestimating how easy it is to find a sitter for a weekday lunch. If the mom stays home, I’d say she and child are a package deal until the child starts preschool and the mom can meet for coffee. Most SAHMs don’t want to pay a sitter to meet a friend for lunch. If mom works, obviously the child is in daycare or has another caregiver. If lunch is on the weekend, then mom goes solo while dad watches the child.

I don’t think this is necessarily true. When I was a SAHM when our kids were small and I had a rare opportunity to have lunch with one of my friends, I absolutely relished the adult time. I would trade off with other SAHM friends for doctors appointments or lunch outings so we had childcare without hiring babysitters. It wasn’t often that I had plans during the day during the week but for me, it was definitely meant to be adult time.

It’s expensive to get a sitter for just lunch. I have no issue with kids coming even if mine don’t.

Then don’t go to lunch. Find another time so it’s not just your friend watching you feed your kid and wipe their nose, unable to get a word in.

Sounds like you’re not great at parenting if you spend an entire lunch feeding and wiping. I’ve always been able both hold a conversation and monitor my kids. I guess some people’s brains aren’t good at multitasking.

We don’t want to watch you do it, dear. That’s the point. I made arrangements for my kids, i don’t care to watch you multitask with yours.

Very strange you’re unable to hold a conversation with a child present. It’s not that difficult. Have you had your cognitive decline checked out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overestimating how easy it is to find a sitter for a weekday lunch. If the mom stays home, I’d say she and child are a package deal until the child starts preschool and the mom can meet for coffee. Most SAHMs don’t want to pay a sitter to meet a friend for lunch. If mom works, obviously the child is in daycare or has another caregiver. If lunch is on the weekend, then mom goes solo while dad watches the child.

I don’t think this is necessarily true. When I was a SAHM when our kids were small and I had a rare opportunity to have lunch with one of my friends, I absolutely relished the adult time. I would trade off with other SAHM friends for doctors appointments or lunch outings so we had childcare without hiring babysitters. It wasn’t often that I had plans during the day during the week but for me, it was definitely meant to be adult time.

It’s expensive to get a sitter for just lunch. I have no issue with kids coming even if mine don’t.

Then don’t go to lunch. Find another time so it’s not just your friend watching you feed your kid and wipe their nose, unable to get a word in.

You bring things to entertain the kid with. I always bring mine when little, and now friends with younger kids bring theirs. I have no issue with it. Its sad you do. I'm happy to help the kids and entertain them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 12 months old and in the last couple months I’m finally feeling like I have a handle on getting out of the house and doing things with her. I have been getting lunch with friends (most of whom don’t have kids yet) and typically bring her along. We obviously don’t go to any fancy spots. Is this annoying?

But the time to do things “with” a 12 month old is not lunch with other adults who did not bring babies. Doing things with her is like going to the park, library story time, music classes, etc.

12 months is the best time before they get too active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overestimating how easy it is to find a sitter for a weekday lunch. If the mom stays home, I’d say she and child are a package deal until the child starts preschool and the mom can meet for coffee. Most SAHMs don’t want to pay a sitter to meet a friend for lunch. If mom works, obviously the child is in daycare or has another caregiver. If lunch is on the weekend, then mom goes solo while dad watches the child.

That's your choice then. My choice is to spend time with you when you actually GAF about spending time with me. So, kind of goes both ways.

Meh. Would you demand a friend use annual leave to meet you for lunch? A SAHM’s job is to care for her child during the work day. If you are rigid enough to demand a SAHM’s undivided attention during a midweek lunch and are unavailable on evenings or weekends (when the father could watch the child), then yeah, the friendship is over.

This is an excellent analogy. And yes, anyone who demands their friend with an infant/young child hire a sitter because they will only meet at 12pm on Tuesdays - is a very bad friend. If you don’t understand that people go through different life stages and that they sometimes can’t be exactly who they were before, you’re a very bad friend. Nobody needs that drama in their life.

[Anonymous]

Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is well behaved, I would love it. If you have a kid who is allowed to do anything they want because they are a toddler, I would not want to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 12 months old and in the last couple months I’m finally feeling like I have a handle on getting out of the house and doing things with her. I have been getting lunch with friends (most of whom don’t have kids yet) and typically bring her along. We obviously don’t go to any fancy spots. Is this annoying?

But the time to do things “with” a 12 month old is not lunch with other adults who did not bring babies. Doing things with her is like going to the park, library story time, music classes, etc.

12 months is the best time before they get too active.

My oldest walked at 9 months. And he wasn’t a joy to bring to a women’s lunch. It was about eating as fast as we could to get out of there before he got restless. He was always done eating long before everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overestimating how easy it is to find a sitter for a weekday lunch. If the mom stays home, I’d say she and child are a package deal until the child starts preschool and the mom can meet for coffee. Most SAHMs don’t want to pay a sitter to meet a friend for lunch. If mom works, obviously the child is in daycare or has another caregiver. If lunch is on the weekend, then mom goes solo while dad watches the child.

That's your choice then. My choice is to spend time with you when you actually GAF about spending time with me. So, kind of goes both ways.

Meh. Would you demand a friend use annual leave to meet you for lunch? A SAHM’s job is to care for her child during the work day. If you are rigid enough to demand a SAHM’s undivided attention during a midweek lunch and are unavailable on evenings or weekends (when the father could watch the child), then yeah, the friendship is over.

This is an excellent analogy. And yes, anyone who demands their friend with an infant/young child hire a sitter because they will only meet at 12pm on Tuesdays - is a very bad friend. If you don’t understand that people go through different life stages and that they sometimes can’t be exactly who they were before, you’re a very bad friend. Nobody needs that drama in their life.

Nobody is demanding anything. Your presence is not that important. OP is talking about meeting childless friends for lunch and because of FOMO she wants to drag a toddler along, changing the dynamic of lunch. Most people agree that’s not ok. Your new life stage means you miss the lunch, not turn it into toddler time. Just say no instead of lecturing people on the circle of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Well-said 👏🏻

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overestimating how easy it is to find a sitter for a weekday lunch. If the mom stays home, I’d say she and child are a package deal until the child starts preschool and the mom can meet for coffee. Most SAHMs don’t want to pay a sitter to meet a friend for lunch. If mom works, obviously the child is in daycare or has another caregiver. If lunch is on the weekend, then mom goes solo while dad watches the child.

That's your choice then. My choice is to spend time with you when you actually GAF about spending time with me. So, kind of goes both ways.

Meh. Would you demand a friend use annual leave to meet you for lunch? A SAHM’s job is to care for her child during the work day. If you are rigid enough to demand a SAHM’s undivided attention during a midweek lunch and are unavailable on evenings or weekends (when the father could watch the child), then yeah, the friendship is over.

This is an excellent analogy. And yes, anyone who demands their friend with an infant/young child hire a sitter because they will only meet at 12pm on Tuesdays - is a very bad friend. If you don’t understand that people go through different life stages and that they sometimes can’t be exactly who they were before, you’re a very bad friend. Nobody needs that drama in their life.

Nobody is demanding anything. Your presence is not that important. OP is talking about meeting childless friends for lunch and because of FOMO she wants to drag a toddler along, changing the dynamic of lunch. Most people agree that’s not ok. Your new life stage means you miss the lunch, not turn it into toddler time. Just say no instead of lecturing people on the circle of life.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring her. Even if they say they don't mind, they honestly don't want her there.

Agreed. Also, if your friends that you are meeting are childless, only talk about your daughter for five minutes or so. Hearing about kids is mind-numbing to non-parents. They don’t want to hear about her, they want to hear about what YOU have been up to.