Country Club Invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

No one wants to charge their friends. Some people, as evidenced on this thread, think (incorrectly) that the members need to spend that money anyhow so its NBD. Thats not how most clubs work now. There aren't minimums. It would be like going to your friends beach home and not offering to buy groceries, bring them a gift, etc because they already own it. No one is that obtuse.

If the PP hosts the family at their club and the other family never hosts them somewhere whether it be their house or their own club then that seems like a uneven friendship and that's a friendship problem, not a money problem. Playing tit for tat when you later go to a restaurant together is not the solution to this friendship problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I am the PP in the scenario. We would have NEVER asked for them to pay since we invited them. We thought their invite for us to dinner the next weekend was sort of a thank you. As I mentioned we spent over $200 on their entrance fee and food at the pool. I was fine with that but wanted to set expectations for the future. My whole point was don't ASSUME all club members have a minimum to spend. We go to a well known club in VA and there is no min. We pay what we consume in addition to a monthly fee. Hosting guests is not trying to meet a "sunk cost".

Yes PP, you hosted them. It was expensive. They invited you and you thought they would graciously reciprocate. They are tacky and you should dump them. But you were tacky TIMES TWO by saying "hey next time, it's $25 for the pool". There should be no next time. You've seen who they are, you stay quiet, and you never invite them again. It's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I am the PP in the scenario. We would have NEVER asked for them to pay since we invited them. We thought their invite for us to dinner the next weekend was sort of a thank you. As I mentioned we spent over $200 on their entrance fee and food at the pool. I was fine with that but wanted to set expectations for the future. My whole point was don't ASSUME all club members have a minimum to spend. We go to a well known club in VA and there is no min. We pay what we consume in addition to a monthly fee. Hosting guests is not trying to meet a "sunk cost".

Do you hear yourself? You would have NEVER asked for them to pay...but you did expect them to reciprocate. Why is that any different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Country club people don't mention how much it was and accept venmo. The response is always "it's our pleasure to treat you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Country club people don't mention how much it was and accept venmo. The response is always "it's our pleasure to treat you."

+1 we hosted some friends yesterday at our club and they did offer to pay. I would not have dreamed of telling them the cost. It was nice of them to offer but totally unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

And by the way if you are expecting them to treat you to a restaurant because you treated them at your club then nobody is hosting anybody, you're just people who hang out together in different places. I love hosting people at the club because I don't have to do all the work of hosting people at my home but it's a relaxed and comfortable environment in a way that is different from a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Question for OP: Do you mean to tell me that you & your DH plunked down a 100k+ initiation fee for a club you've never visited, or, wait for it... did you first go as someone's guest to "check it out"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP: Do you mean to tell me that you & your DH plunked down a 100k+ initiation fee for a club you've never visited, or, wait for it... did you first go as someone's guest to "check it out"?

haha touché

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Country club people don't mention how much it was and accept venmo. The response is always "it's our pleasure to treat you."

PP here who mentioned awkwardness. This was my point. I don't do the whole figure out who owes what thing and Venmo or pass cash back & forth at restaurant or when I have guests. I don't even get a check/bill at my clubs. You do your thing and role out. You can ask for one if you want but no one really does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

NP. The CC PP didn’t ask their guest to invite them! There is no need to reciprocate dollar for dollar. I would just not want someone taking advantage. I have a number of ride or die friends from childhood who are much less well off than I am, and they all generously contribute to our 40+ year friendship through whatever means they can. And I don’t think twice to fly them around the world, pay for hotels they could never afford, etc. But they would NEVER ever pull something like this family that came to the PP’s club and then suggested a dinner where they didn’t pick up the check. That’s just taking advantage. I don’t belong to a CC but I don’t need to in order to tell you the CC PP is right to feel slighted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

NP. The CC PP didn’t ask their guest to invite them! There is no need to reciprocate dollar for dollar. I would just not want someone taking advantage. I have a number of ride or die friends from childhood who are much less well off than I am, and they all generously contribute to our 40+ year friendship through whatever means they can. And I don’t think twice to fly them around the world, pay for hotels they could never afford, etc. But they would NEVER ever pull something like this family that came to the PP’s club and then suggested a dinner where they didn’t pick up the check. That’s just taking advantage. I don’t belong to a CC but I don’t need to in order to tell you the CC PP is right to feel slighted.

She can feel slighted because these people were not thoughtful back to her. But what do you do with takers? You just dump them really. If you get nothing from the relationship, then you just need to back out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

NP. The CC PP didn’t ask their guest to invite them! There is no need to reciprocate dollar for dollar. I would just not want someone taking advantage. I have a number of ride or die friends from childhood who are much less well off than I am, and they all generously contribute to our 40+ year friendship through whatever means they can. And I don’t think twice to fly them around the world, pay for hotels they could never afford, etc. But they would NEVER ever pull something like this family that came to the PP’s club and then suggested a dinner where they didn’t pick up the check. That’s just taking advantage. I don’t belong to a CC but I don’t need to in order to tell you the CC PP is right to feel slighted.

Thanks for understanding. I didn’t want to write a novel in my original PP to explain the ins and outs of the relationship with this family. We have hosted them many times. Other than at our CC, we’ve always split meals and outings out at different venues. I would never in a million years ask someone to Pay for something when we’ve invited them as our guest. However, when they invited us out so soon after we took their entire family out and paid for their meals that day, then wanted to split that check I realize they weren’t understanding the costs We incur every time we invite them to the club. If it was a one time thing I would’ve never said anything, but it happens more than that And they’ve never invited us to do other things where they are hosting us. It just felt like an imbalance in the relationship.

Then someone on this very thread talked about how people always want to invite guest because they have to meet their minimums anyhow. That’s just not true and I can see how that thought process can lead to misunderstandings.