Country Club Invite

[Anonymous]

Troll post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we joined our CC, my neighborhood/ school parent friends had a weird reaction. I never told them outright, but if it came up (e.g. we were selling our old pool membership and people said "oh, what pool are you joining instead"?). They would say things like "Oh, the fancy pool!". or "Oh you've GOT to let me see what its like!". It felt very uncomfortable as we never comment on finances with others like that.

My DH and I are both millionaires. Country clubs are sooooo boring and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

What a weird weird friendship. Users.

If PP is keeping a ledger and losing sleep over $200 she probably shouldn’t belong to a country club. How pathetic to live your life like a striver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

WTF? You and your friends are a bunch of cheap aholes. I would NEVER offer a host of that type of party money for the pizza. Nor would I host a freaking pizza party ( can you get any cheaper) and expect people to Venmo me money. Are you serious? Let me guess you are part of the “north” Bethesda CC scene?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Man you must be having 60-80 person super bowl parties and a dozen tv's or you and all your friends are fat AF eating 20 pizzas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we joined our CC, my neighborhood/ school parent friends had a weird reaction. I never told them outright, but if it came up (e.g. we were selling our old pool membership and people said "oh, what pool are you joining instead"?). They would say things like "Oh, the fancy pool!". or "Oh you've GOT to let me see what its like!". It felt very uncomfortable as we never comment on finances with others like that.

My DH and I are both millionaires. Country clubs are sooooo boring and stupid.

Some are some aren't. Ours is in our neighborhood and convenient. We don't participate in any of the "entertainment", social options/functions. I agree that stuff is boring and I don't get the appeal. Being able to partake in a multitude of impromptu activities is nice. Having the benefit of a pro or trainer readily available is great. Definitely makes being active easy. Also, we have 3 restaurants at our fingertips.

[Anonymous]

Now that you are a “social member” of a country club, you are annoyed that the lowlife from the hoi polloi who used to be your friend has dared to presume to rise above her station and think that you might invite her at some point in the future to your country club?

Really, OP? Be best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if it is social, how do you enjoy the golf?

Same thought there. OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her:

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

NP. The CC PP didn’t ask their guest to invite them! There is no need to reciprocate dollar for dollar. I would just not want someone taking advantage. I have a number of ride or die friends from childhood who are much less well off than I am, and they all generously contribute to our 40+ year friendship through whatever means they can. And I don’t think twice to fly them around the world, pay for hotels they could never afford, etc. But they would NEVER ever pull something like this family that came to the PP’s club and then suggested a dinner where they didn’t pick up the check. That’s just taking advantage. I don’t belong to a CC but I don’t need to in order to tell you the CC PP is right to feel slighted.

Thanks for understanding. I didn’t want to write a novel in my original PP to explain the ins and outs of the relationship with this family. We have hosted them many times. Other than at our CC, we’ve always split meals and outings out at different venues. I would never in a million years ask someone to Pay for something when we’ve invited them as our guest. However, when they invited us out so soon after we took their entire family out and paid for their meals that day, then wanted to split that check I realize they weren’t understanding the costs We incur every time we invite them to the club. If it was a one time thing I would’ve never said anything, but it happens more than that And they’ve never invited us to do other things where they are hosting us. It just felt like an imbalance in the relationship.

Then someone on this very thread talked about how people always want to invite guest because they have to meet their minimums anyhow. That’s just not true and I can see how that thought process can lead to misunderstandings.

I am flabbergasted that you think either their or your behavior is okay regardless of whether they think you are trying to meet a minimum. It's not okay to let friends host you repeatedly and not host them ever. Even if they are meeting a minimum they are still paying for it. It is also bizarre if you can afford a country club membership to say (and I quote from you): "hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.". Just don't host them there again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the EXECUTIVE wife troll. One of my favorites.

Yeah, this is totally a troll.

I can’t imagine being offended over this. It’s too silly to be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we joined our CC, my neighborhood/ school parent friends had a weird reaction. I never told them outright, but if it came up (e.g. we were selling our old pool membership and people said "oh, what pool are you joining instead"?). They would say things like "Oh, the fancy pool!". or "Oh you've GOT to let me see what its like!". It felt very uncomfortable as we never comment on finances with others like that.

My DH and I are both millionaires. Country clubs are sooooo boring and stupid.

Well we are NOT millionaires and belong to a club. We both play tennis, pickle-ball and DH plays golf. Our kids do all of those and use the pool. We also have access to a gym. How is any of that boring? We'd have to go to 5 different places to do all that outside of a club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her:

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

NP. The CC PP didn’t ask their guest to invite them! There is no need to reciprocate dollar for dollar. I would just not want someone taking advantage. I have a number of ride or die friends from childhood who are much less well off than I am, and they all generously contribute to our 40+ year friendship through whatever means they can. And I don’t think twice to fly them around the world, pay for hotels they could never afford, etc. But they would NEVER ever pull something like this family that came to the PP’s club and then suggested a dinner where they didn’t pick up the check. That’s just taking advantage. I don’t belong to a CC but I don’t need to in order to tell you the CC PP is right to feel slighted.

Thanks for understanding. I didn’t want to write a novel in my original PP to explain the ins and outs of the relationship with this family. We have hosted them many times. Other than at our CC, we’ve always split meals and outings out at different venues. I would never in a million years ask someone to Pay for something when we’ve invited them as our guest. However, when they invited us out so soon after we took their entire family out and paid for their meals that day, then wanted to split that check I realize they weren’t understanding the costs We incur every time we invite them to the club. If it was a one time thing I would’ve never said anything, but it happens more than that And they’ve never invited us to do other things where they are hosting us. It just felt like an imbalance in the relationship.

Then someone on this very thread talked about how people always want to invite guest because they have to meet their minimums anyhow. That’s just not true and I can see how that thought process can lead to misunderstandings.

I am flabbergasted that you think either their or your behavior is okay regardless of whether they think you are trying to meet a minimum. It's not okay to let friends host you repeatedly and not host them ever. Even if they are meeting a minimum they are still paying for it. It is also bizarre if you can afford a country club membership to say (and I quote from you): "hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.". Just don't host them there again!

Just because someone can afford a CC membership doesn't mean they need to float the costs for those who can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we joined our CC, my neighborhood/ school parent friends had a weird reaction. I never told them outright, but if it came up (e.g. we were selling our old pool membership and people said "oh, what pool are you joining instead"?). They would say things like "Oh, the fancy pool!". or "Oh you've GOT to let me see what its like!". It felt very uncomfortable as we never comment on finances with others like that.

My DH and I are both millionaires. Country clubs are sooooo boring and stupid.

Both of you? Separately? What a weird statement. As a human (my husband and I are both definitely human), you are defending something weird.

[Anonymous]

That's not so bad. I wouldn't suggest it that way but I would definitely say something like, "would love to check it out if you ever need a plus one." But I wouldn't push it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP: Do you mean to tell me that you & your DH plunked down a 100k+ initiation fee for a club you've never visited, or, wait for it... did you first go as someone's guest to "check it out"?

I don’t think it’s that kind of club. This sounds like they dined at the snack bar of the YMCA. You just sign up at the front desk and you’re a “member”.