Country Club Invite

[Anonymous]

We had something similar happen. Casual friends of ours found out from someone else in our friend group the neighborhood our vacation home is in. The next time we ran into them at a social event they told us “The Jones”s said you have a vacation home in xyz neighborhood, we vacation near there, maybe next we are down there we can meet up and you can show us what you get for those outrageous homeowners fees.” My husband flabbergasted. DH quickly said “we don’t planning on being down there anytime soon Enjoy the rest of your evening.” And we walked away.

We don’t engage with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must have very thin skin if you found that to be rude.

Now that OP has made it to The Country Club Set she feels it gives her license to look down on The Poors over imaginary slights.

[Anonymous]

If this is a close or long-term friend of yours, then I don’t think this should be taken rudely.
I can see myself saying this to a good friend of mine.

Yet if this is someone that you do not know very well then yes, it would be very rude.
And presumptuous too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We belong to a country club and I can totally see myself saying that if a friend joined a club I haven’t seen. I love events at the different clubs to check them out. I don’t see how this was rude of your friend. Your elitism over a non member needing to stay out of yours is pretty rude, IMO.

+1.

[Anonymous]

You are going to fit it really well at your new club, OP. Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Why would you make your guests pay? Tacky!

Np - it is more tacky for the guests to not reciprocate by treating the family the next time they were together (of course this does not apply if the family cannot afford to treat).

[Anonymous]

How is this any different from a friend excited to see your new home/car/pool/dress/whatever? Isn’t this just how friends talk?

That poor lady probably thinks OP is her friend, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is a close or long-term friend of yours, then I don’t think this should be taken rudely.
I can see myself saying this to a good friend of mine.

Yet if this is someone that you do not know very well then yes, it would be very rude.
And presumptuous too.

+1

Our good friend bought the new BMW XM (electric) and I had been wanting that car for a bit (I have an X5). When I found out it had been delivered I said I wanted a ride in it.

Our neighbor two streets over whose house I drive by to get to mine but have never spoken to, just got a new Bentley. I would love to take a ride in it but I would never say that to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I am the PP in the scenario. We would have NEVER asked for them to pay since we invited them. We thought their invite for us to dinner the next weekend was sort of a thank you. As I mentioned we spent over $200 on their entrance fee and food at the pool. I was fine with that but wanted to set expectations for the future. My whole point was don't ASSUME all club members have a minimum to spend. We go to a well known club in VA and there is no min. We pay what we consume in addition to a monthly fee. Hosting guests is not trying to meet a "sunk cost".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

What a weird weird friendship. Users.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

No one wants to charge their friends. Some people, as evidenced on this thread, think (incorrectly) that the members need to spend that money anyhow so its NBD. Thats not how most clubs work now. There aren't minimums. It would be like going to your friends beach home and not offering to buy groceries, bring them a gift, etc because they already own it. No one is that obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.