Country Club Invite

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her:

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

NP. The CC PP didn’t ask their guest to invite them! There is no need to reciprocate dollar for dollar. I would just not want someone taking advantage. I have a number of ride or die friends from childhood who are much less well off than I am, and they all generously contribute to our 40+ year friendship through whatever means they can. And I don’t think twice to fly them around the world, pay for hotels they could never afford, etc. But they would NEVER ever pull something like this family that came to the PP’s club and then suggested a dinner where they didn’t pick up the check. That’s just taking advantage. I don’t belong to a CC but I don’t need to in order to tell you the CC PP is right to feel slighted.

Thanks for understanding. I didn’t want to write a novel in my original PP to explain the ins and outs of the relationship with this family. We have hosted them many times. Other than at our CC, we’ve always split meals and outings out at different venues. I would never in a million years ask someone to Pay for something when we’ve invited them as our guest. However, when they invited us out so soon after we took their entire family out and paid for their meals that day, then wanted to split that check I realize they weren’t understanding the costs We incur every time we invite them to the club. If it was a one time thing I would’ve never said anything, but it happens more than that And they’ve never invited us to do other things where they are hosting us. It just felt like an imbalance in the relationship.

Then someone on this very thread talked about how people always want to invite guest because they have to meet their minimums anyhow. That’s just not true and I can see how that thought process can lead to misunderstandings.

I am flabbergasted that you think either their or your behavior is okay regardless of whether they think you are trying to meet a minimum. It's not okay to let friends host you repeatedly and not host them ever. Even if they are meeting a minimum they are still paying for it. It is also bizarre if you can afford a country club membership to say (and I quote from you): "hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.". Just don't host them there again!

Just because someone can afford a CC membership doesn't mean they need to float the costs for those who can't.

They do if they choose to invite them to the club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we joined our CC, my neighborhood/ school parent friends had a weird reaction. I never told them outright, but if it came up (e.g. we were selling our old pool membership and people said "oh, what pool are you joining instead"?). They would say things like "Oh, the fancy pool!". or "Oh you've GOT to let me see what its like!". It felt very uncomfortable as we never comment on finances with others like that.

My DH and I are both millionaires. Country clubs are sooooo boring and stupid.

What does being a millionaire have to do with it? Who GAF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband has always said if he made it to Director at his company he will join the country club near us.

He just got promoted and joined the country club-just a social membership but we can enjoy the club-golf, pool, tennis, pub.

One of my friends found out and said to me “well you will need to take me there so I can see it-it will be fun.”

I’m appalled at her rudeness.

You sound snooty AF. I'm floored that anyone would want you to invite them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we joined our CC, my neighborhood/ school parent friends had a weird reaction. I never told them outright, but if it came up (e.g. we were selling our old pool membership and people said "oh, what pool are you joining instead"?). They would say things like "Oh, the fancy pool!". or "Oh you've GOT to let me see what its like!". It felt very uncomfortable as we never comment on finances with others like that.

You are so full of yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

You're gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

PP here and I agree with you. My point was even if you wanted to be cheap it is not as conducive as a typical dining establishment. You aren't pulling out money or a card. That moment where one would typically offer to pay a portion is removed in the CC equation.

[Anonymous]

To properly advise you, OP, we need to know which club…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Wtf. Of course it costs money but you invited them! Unbelievable to charge them for it. You are incredibly tacky and don’t belong in a club if you did this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To properly advise you, OP, we need to know which club…

It’s got to be Lakewood or Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Jesus, how old are you people? I understand doing this in our 20’s when we were all just starting out. But I can’t imagine doing this in 30s/40’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Country club people don't mention how much it was and accept venmo. The response is always "it's our pleasure to treat you."

Sigh. I would decline if someone offered to pay for their meal at our club, but the offer is still nice. If you want to keep moving the goalposts in order to try to make a point, go ahead. The rest of us will move forward with our normal friendships and not have these issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

That's every club. How is that awkward? That's the whole point, to keep it from being awkward. Are you to cheap to pay for your friends and want to figure out how to charge them? Some of you are unbelievable.

+1 I can't fathom being wealthy enough to afford a country club membership and then stressing about spending $200 on hosting friends. Isn't that the cost of a bottle of wine at your level? Either you are very greedy and rude or you need to manage your finances better.

I think country clubs are a different scenario than going out to a restaurant or hosting someone in your house. You could argue that they are more like going to a restaurant because each item has its own clear price and everyone can order whatever they want to eat and drink. You could argue that they are more like hosting someone in your house because someone is clearly the guest (as opposed to at a restaurant where you are all guests) and someone had to do the inviting so it seems like you are offering to cover the cost of the meal. People can have different opinions about which side they fall on and that's ok. I wouldn't ask someone to pay if I invited them to join us at our club but I would offer to pay if someone invited us to theirs. Seems like all the bases are covered that way.

I hear you but it strikes me as incredibly tacky and off putting for someone to ask their guest at their country club to invite them to a restaurant meal because they invited them to their country club. Presumably you chose to invite them to your club and you can afford it. It's just very off brand for the wealthy to pinch pennies or be this transactional in social situations.

I would never expect someone to treat me if I treated them. I treated them because I wanted to, not because I expected anything in return. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay when we take them to the club. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay when I host them at my house. I would expect if we met out for dinner somewhere that we would split the bill but I don't care if it's just in half, regardless of what everybody ordered, or if it's done by the items each party had. I agree that if you have a country club membership you should not be concerned about covering a $200 guest fee and meal. I would not have expected anything in return for doing that. Sounds like the PP did, so hopefully now they know most people disagree with them. I will still offer to contribute, however, if someone invites me to their club. That's what my circle does - offer and then decline the offer. Somehow we have never had problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Country club people don't mention how much it was and accept venmo. The response is always "it's our pleasure to treat you."

PP here who mentioned awkwardness. This was my point. I don't do the whole figure out who owes what thing and Venmo or pass cash back & forth at restaurant or when I have guests. I don't even get a check/bill at my clubs. You do your thing and role out. You can ask for one if you want but no one really does.

Yes, I completely believe that you just "role" in and out of your country clubS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

WTF? You and your friends are a bunch of cheap aholes. I would NEVER offer a host of that type of party money for the pizza. Nor would I host a freaking pizza party ( can you get any cheaper) and expect people to Venmo me money. Are you serious? Let me guess you are part of the “north” Bethesda CC scene?

FFS it was an example. I've never actually hosted a pizza party at my house unless we were making pizza in our brick oven out back. But your point is that you would never offer to contribute to the cost of hosting a party, got it. You keep doing that. And I live in Virginia, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s not like she whipped out a calendar. Many of my friends with club memberships are desperate to take others because they have minimums, or want friends to join so everyone can hang out together in the club.

Many clubs do not have minimums. Please do not assume when you go with a friend. We recently had guests with us and spent over $200 on their family. The following weekend we all went out to a casual dinner and they asked us to split the check. We did so but later I casually told her: hey when we go to the pool, there’s a guest fee of 25 per person and we pay for the food at the restaurant. Let’s be sure to split that next time.

Yikes. For me, it’s a pleasure to host and treat guests at my club. I’d be embarrassed if any of them thought I might be keeping a ledger — but you ended the mystery and just told them outright that you were!

I do think hosting someone at a club is similar to hosting them at your house (where I would never ask anyone to chip in for the cost of the food or drinks) but it's also different because the cost of the dinner is out of the host's hands because people can order whatever they want and there is also a tip.

I would be inclined to treat people at our club because it does feel like hosting, but if someone offered to split the bill I would let them. If we then went to a restaurant with the same people, I would expect to split the bill there, since that's customary in those situations.

Overall, I'd say given the tip and that everyone is ordering what they want, I would always err on the side of offering to pay for a meal at a club.

It does get a little awkward though, at out club everything goes on your account. There is no cash or card exchanged.

I understand, I'm a member of a country club. But if I'm hosting people at my house and we order 20 pizzas to watch the Super Bowl, people can most certainly ask me how much the pizzas cost/what their share is and then Venmo it to me. I'm not saying they have to pay you, I'm saying your example doesn't make any sense.

Man you must be having 60-80 person super bowl parties and a dozen tv's or you and all your friends are fat AF eating 20 pizzas

I actually catered our Super Bowl party with much better food, the pizza was an example, and yes, we can host that many people between our indoor and outdoor spaces. We built our house for the purpose of hosting parties so we are well set up for it.