Best friend divorcing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here . . .I think she had some doubts going into the marriage but she didn’t trust herself to know what love was supposed to feel like. She loved her DH like a friend, but that was it, but she didn’t know better.

She was immature when she got married and I suspect she's immature now. She doesn't know what she wants other than not to come second to the job. I get the last part, but why change now?

[Anonymous]

I would have a hard time supporting a friend who is so incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . . .I think she had some doubts going into the marriage but she didn’t trust herself to know what love was supposed to feel like. She loved her DH like a friend, but that was it, but she didn’t know better.

She was immature when she got married and I suspect she's immature now. She doesn't know what she wants other than not to come second to the job. I get the last part, but why change now?

Maybe because she’s not dead yet and still wants to live some of her life the way SHE wants? Jfc there’s a lot of people telling a very unhappy person to stay with the person making them unhappy. I don’t get it. We get one life. If she’s sick of being treated like an indentured servant she should take her half and go live her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . . .I think she had some doubts going into the marriage but she didn’t trust herself to know what love was supposed to feel like. She loved her DH like a friend, but that was it, but she didn’t know better.

She was immature when she got married and I suspect she's immature now. She doesn't know what she wants other than not to come second to the job. I get the last part, but why change now?

Because she's getting old. Ops friend wants to blow up her kids' lives because she's a selfish idiot. She didn't marry for love, had kids without being in love, and now that the kids are getting older and she can't make her life about them, she's crying "poor me. I'm unhappy with the decisions I knowingly made in my life and I want romance and love now that I'm getting old and looking at my future!".

Honestly I would have a hard time being friends with someone like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . . .I think she had some doubts going into the marriage but she didn’t trust herself to know what love was supposed to feel like. She loved her DH like a friend, but that was it, but she didn’t know better.

She was immature when she got married and I suspect she's immature now. She doesn't know what she wants other than not to come second to the job. I get the last part, but why change now?

Maybe because she’s not dead yet and still wants to live some of her life the way SHE wants? Jfc there’s a lot of people telling a very unhappy person to stay with the person making them unhappy. I don’t get it. We get one life. If she’s sick of being treated like an indentured servant she should take her half and go live her life.

Oh please. She chose to marry someone she wasn't in love with and then have kids with him. This life isn't a surprise to her, she's just regretting her own choices. So she should completely disrupt her kids lives because "My b! I should have married for LOVE. I only have one life to live!!!!".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . . .I think she had some doubts going into the marriage but she didn’t trust herself to know what love was supposed to feel like. She loved her DH like a friend, but that was it, but she didn’t know better.

She was immature when she got married and I suspect she's immature now. She doesn't know what she wants other than not to come second to the job. I get the last part, but why change now?

Maybe because she’s not dead yet and still wants to live some of her life the way SHE wants? Jfc there’s a lot of people telling a very unhappy person to stay with the person making them unhappy. I don’t get it. We get one life. If she’s sick of being treated like an indentured servant she should take her half and go live her life.

DP.

How is he making her unhappy?

You get one life, yes. And PP is advising OP not to help her friend screw that life up over a fantasy. It's okay if her friend divorces. It will probably be a mistake, but she will be fine ( or as fine as possible for her given that she is does not seem to be all there).

Imagine explaining to your kids that you are dragging them from. One house to another every week because you were not in love.

She is probably not going to find " true love". And even if she does find "true love", it will not overcome the drag from dating down financially, step parenting, resentment from her children, resentment from her friend ( her current DH), and resentment from her family,

What she needs is a gang of girlfriends to have fun with. If DH is too busy, enjoy life with other people. Take the kids on grand vacations. Take friends too.

Now if her DH is an ahole other than being a boring friend who does not give her enough attention, then she might be happier leaving. Otherwise, she is probably better off staying put and finding some hobbies and wealthy friends who have time to enjoy life with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a hard time supporting a friend who is so incredibly selfish.

Joke will be on her. The DH is wealthy and will have no problem attracting a much younger woman if he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a hard time supporting a friend who is so incredibly selfish.

Joke will be on her. The DH is wealthy and will have no problem attracting a much younger woman if he wants.

Joke will be on the entire family. Don't encourage her by insisting that her DH will be happier without her. Divorce with minor kids is very messy. All the headache from the divorce will probably not be outweighed by marrying a much younger woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a hard time supporting a friend who is so incredibly selfish.

Some people have interesting friendships ( giving OP the side eye here). As a friend, I would tell her that it's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a hard time supporting a friend who is so incredibly selfish.

Some people have interesting friendships ( giving OP the side eye here). As a friend, I would tell her that it's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Lol

Right! If this were my best friend of 35 years I'd tell her to stop being an idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all for the advice. Her DH is not at all abusive and I think she had some doubts going into the marriage but she didn’t trust herself to know what love was supposed to feel like. She loved her DH like a friend, but that was it, but she didn’t know better. And no affair, I don’t think she would cross that line, but I do feel like she’s felt connections when chatting with people which maybe opened up to her the idea that love should feel different than it does.

Don't be stupid. She's having an affair. And her idea of love is immature. You both need to grow the hell up

[Anonymous]

I would press pretty hard on talking to a doctor about medication. I happened to go on cymbalta during perimenopause for pain reasons, but I very quickly noticed that I hated everyone less — LOL.

Heading into menopause is a beast and women/doctor’s don’t know enough about it. But you don’t get divorced while you are depressed. You fix the depression or you try everything to fix it and confirm that it is situational depression due to a lousy marriage.

She also needs some tonight talk that chatting up the hot dad isn’t the same as “knowing that love should be different than what she has.” Friendship plus sex is what many good marriages land on by your 50s. You aren’t racing to the door to jump into your husband’s arms.

I also think her husband can likely do better. I worked with the C suite of a Fortune 100 company for years, and I’m now in the C suite of a small company (in the 500k range like a previous poster’s husband). All the C suite women (even the ones that travel a lot) are plenty involved in the home front. We can all press the men to do better. She should figure out very specifically what she needs from her husband and match that to the reality of his schedule — I bet there are some places where they could connect better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it. Not your business. She will do well financially. He won't be able to "make her life difficult." She has a reason to go to court. They have money. And he knows it. She will get 50/50 of martial assets.

The only thing I would tell her is this: do not count on meeting someone else. That is not a reason to divorce. If she would rather be single permanently vs. stay in a situation that makes her sad, then she should divorce. But have eyes wide open that "love" is not likely to be found. That ship has sailed.

Sounds to me like she already has and that is why she is crying about what it would look like to leave.

[Anonymous]

Wow, lotta unhappy women in here trying to keep other women unhappy. Sad for OPs friend, she can't even trust the person who claims to be her bff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a hard time supporting a friend who is so incredibly selfish.

Joke will be on her. The DH is wealthy and will have no problem attracting a much younger woman if he wants.

She will be wealthy if she leaves, and clearly doesn't care what her DH does after she leaves.

How is "he will find someone else!" a reason to stay?! You guys are f***ing crazy.