Best friend divorcing

[Anonymous]

I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

[Anonymous]

Just listen. Call her. Let her know you are thinking of her. But just let her talk for now.

My childhood BFF went through an ugly divorce. There were some periods when she was unrecognizably a mess. I tried to call her most days, and I listened a lot...sometimes to her saying things that didn't make a lot of sense. A few times I did intervene with advice and perspective, letting her know I was concerned about a decision she was making. But I didn't do it often, and I reserved it for big issues where it was clear she was going to go through with a decision.

This sounds like a very painful situation in which your friend is already judging herself a lot. So just be her friend right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

So did she cheat? Or how did she realize what love felt like? Stop enabling this nonsense fantasy. She is done with her marriage. OK, and so are many many people. All this crap about love this and love that when she has no idea what love is sounds childish. As you encourage her childishness, be ready to keep being the one she will keep whining to when she is divorced and realizes that the grass is not greener on the other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

So did she cheat? Or how did she realize what love felt like? Stop enabling this nonsense fantasy. She is done with her marriage. OK, and so are many many people. All this crap about love this and love that when she has no idea what love is sounds childish. As you encourage her childishness, be ready to keep being the one she will keep whining to when she is divorced and realizes that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Spoken like a man that wants to keep women trapped in unhappy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

So did she cheat? Or how did she realize what love felt like? Stop enabling this nonsense fantasy. She is done with her marriage. OK, and so are many many people. All this crap about love this and love that when she has no idea what love is sounds childish. As you encourage her childishness, be ready to keep being the one she will keep whining to when she is divorced and realizes that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Spoken like a man that wants to keep women trapped in unhappy relationships.

Spoken like a woman who sucks the life out of everyone by whining and always being the victim.

Hooray to her husband! He will find an adult to grow old with Let the whiny cry baby join you and OP and keep playing " Woe is me"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she may be depressed. She has lots of money to address quality of life issues.

Many people never fall in love like you see in the movies and a lot of that is hormonal and fades anyway. I think she's a bit old/the marriage is so long-term that it's not wise to divorce unless she really wants to date or otherwise really shake things up.

This divorce will affect grandparenting. That may be quite saddening.

This should be literally the last thing on her mind when divorcing

Oh really? You don't think it affects other family members? Somebody who stayed married maybe 30 years longer than they needed to for the kids, throwing in the towel?

It doesn't sound like an abusive or toxic marriage and these people are not far from retirement at C-Suite levels.

Split holidays, acrimony between adult kids, new partners, all sorts of stuff can flow from this decision.

I dont care if it "affects" other family members. Grandparents can F right off. Sounds like you're a real Karen interfering with other peoples relationships.

Actually I don't give advice to anybody in real life. I just listen to people complain about the fallout from their stalling and fractured families. I save my true thoughts for DCUM where there are zero interpersonal consequences except being called a Karen by outraged randos.

[Anonymous]

DH will likely end up with some cute young thing in her late 30s and start working on Family #2.

Your friend needs to think carefully about her options.

Why no couples counseling?

[Anonymous]

Also she needs to get a J-O-B. Just to get a little perspective about the real world. Being a SAHW and ruminating all day just doesn’t work for some people.

[Anonymous]

Do not any circumstances reach out to her!!!! Omg! You could destroy her entire life and financial security. What’s wrong with you?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not any circumstances reach out to her!!!! Omg! You could destroy her entire life and financial security. What’s wrong with you?!

Meant to say “do not reach out to HIM.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... but you don't want to help her.

You want to rat her out to the potentially abusive partner she wants to leave. You insult her intelligence and clearly care more about her financial status than her mental health.

With friends like these...

OP here. I have no words for you. Find a different thread to bully please.

To be fair OP you asked if you should go to her husband. That is dangerous for your friend! Anyone who would do that to me is not looking out for her friend at all!

[Anonymous]

Do NOT reach out to him.

wtf is that a joke?

She told you high level serious conclusions, she probably has hundred of examples of why she’s done.

Shut up and stay out of it. Listen and validate to her and her only. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I just meant tell her DH that she was unhappy so he could try a little harder. I feel like he is a brother to me so I feel badly for him in this too. I wouldn’t mention that she wants to leave. But I won’t do it.

No.
Shut up.

This dude will lawyer up so fast your tiny little head will spin off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I just meant tell her DH that she was unhappy so he could try a little harder. I feel like he is a brother to me so I feel badly for him in this too. I wouldn’t mention that she wants to leave. But I won’t do it.

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors of anyone’s marriage. Neglect, abandonment, narcissism, misogyny, threats, emotional abuse.

Stay out of out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she may be depressed. She has lots of money to address quality of life issues.

Many people never fall in love like you see in the movies and a lot of that is hormonal and fades anyway. I think she's a bit old/the marriage is so long-term that it's not wise to divorce unless she really wants to date or otherwise really shake things up.

This divorce will affect grandparenting. That may be quite saddening.

This is ridiculous. No guarantee they will have grandkids. I don't think grandparenting together is even a thing. It was not when I was a kid. I had distinct relationships with each grandparent... and I am almost 50.

Agree. Most grandfathers just “tag along” with a woman wife/mom figure or hang out with the guys anyhow.