What first made you suspicious that your spouse was having an affair?

[Anonymous]

^isn’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wasn't able to have erections. I thought he just reached that time and needed Viagra. Instead he was just having regular sex with his AP often on the same days we would attempt to have sex together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First clue was Find my showed him at an apartment when he was supposed to be somewhere else but he proceeded to gaslight me and I believed him. Then came the STD and looking back many of the things already described (always putting phone face down, suddenly angry over nothing, improved dressing, working out, focusing on looks).

I saw my ex on Find My at his AP's apartment at 11 pm, only 2 days before I gave birth. He claimed he was helping her move furniture. It takes a certain kind of sociopath to leave an 8-month pregnant wife for an AP. A week after I got home from the hospital, police stopped by looking for him at 7 pm because someone had reported him for harassment, and he wasn't home. The cop didn't believe me when I said he wasn't home - what kind of man isn't home with his wife and newborn at 7 pm? It still took me another 6 months to get enough conviction to start talking about what was going on with a therapist and my parents, and then another 6 months to file.

Mine begged me to have a second baby a year earlier than we had planned/than I wanted to. We had a long deep convo about it and he seemed so genuinely excited for another that I thought about it and agreed. Turns out his affair started 2 months before he came to me begging for another baby, lasted all of my pregnancy, postpartum, and I found out when my little one was 1 year old.

Uggh. I think this is the worst story I've heard. How utterly broken some people are.

I do think a lot of men and some women are performative to others and maybe to themselves as well. More men I think because they have more interest in power seeking and dont have the same need for honesty with the vulnerable such as the elderly and children. I think men are performative as a way of seeking power. I've known so many people like this, men and women. Even happily married ones. I don't know why some people are able to accept themselves amd others in full and be truthful and others it seems like an impossible task and they'd rather just play act to get what they want and never stand for anything. Someone once wrote a book called People of the Lie. What makes one person truthful and forthright and another dishonest and manipulative? It's still a mystery to me.

Yep. My ex got a thrill getting another guy’s wife who he actually gave 2 sh@ts about tell him that she loved him. It was a power/validation thing. He was cruel when he dumped her. A lot of fkd up childhoods and act out in their secret lives. But as another pp said- nobody who is a cheater in a marriage is a mentally healthy person.

I don’t think it is necessarily mental illness but there is definitely a lack of coping skills that starts people down the path of doing these behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First clue was Find my showed him at an apartment when he was supposed to be somewhere else but he proceeded to gaslight me and I believed him. Then came the STD and looking back many of the things already described (always putting phone face down, suddenly angry over nothing, improved dressing, working out, focusing on looks).

I saw my ex on Find My at his AP's apartment at 11 pm, only 2 days before I gave birth. He claimed he was helping her move furniture. It takes a certain kind of sociopath to leave an 8-month pregnant wife for an AP. A week after I got home from the hospital, police stopped by looking for him at 7 pm because someone had reported him for harassment, and he wasn't home. The cop didn't believe me when I said he wasn't home - what kind of man isn't home with his wife and newborn at 7 pm? It still took me another 6 months to get enough conviction to start talking about what was going on with a therapist and my parents, and then another 6 months to file.

Mine begged me to have a second baby a year earlier than we had planned/than I wanted to. We had a long deep convo about it and he seemed so genuinely excited for another that I thought about it and agreed. Turns out his affair started 2 months before he came to me begging for another baby, lasted all of my pregnancy, postpartum, and I found out when my little one was 1 year old.

Uggh. I think this is the worst story I've heard. How utterly broken some people are.

I do think a lot of men and some women are performative to others and maybe to themselves as well. More men I think because they have more interest in power seeking and dont have the same need for honesty with the vulnerable such as the elderly and children. I think men are performative as a way of seeking power. I've known so many people like this, men and women. Even happily married ones. I don't know why some people are able to accept themselves amd others in full and be truthful and others it seems like an impossible task and they'd rather just play act to get what they want and never stand for anything. Someone once wrote a book called People of the Lie. What makes one person truthful and forthright and another dishonest and manipulative? It's still a mystery to me.

Yep. My ex got a thrill getting another guy’s wife who he actually gave 2 sh@ts about tell him that she loved him. It was a power/validation thing. He was cruel when he dumped her. A lot of fkd up childhoods and act out in their secret lives. But as another pp said- nobody who is a cheater in a marriage is a mentally healthy person.

I don’t think it is necessarily mental illness but there is definitely a lack of coping skills that starts people down the path of doing these behaviors.

So,sooooooo many come from families with cheating, alcoholism and neglect or emotional abuse. They continue the cycle eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And many of these women chose to stay with these men.....I never cheated, never financially answer my ex wife, was a full 50% partner throughout our marriage and get she divorced me. My crime was that I was mostly working and was not emotionally supportive enough. Yet when I was around we still had sex, went on dates etc...

Some of the sh***t that these men put their wives through and still get second chances to me just show that it's very hard to know exactly what makes a woman finally leave.

One of the worst thing a man can do in a marriage is being nice and a equal partner and not be assertive.

[Anonymous]

To all the women complaining about their cheating husbands - if you got fat or were not having frequent sex with your husbands then you are part of the problem. While cheating is primarily the cheater’s fault, if you are fat or not having sex with your husband, then you contributed to the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the women complaining about their cheating husbands - if you got fat or were not having frequent sex with your husbands then you are part of the problem. While cheating is primarily the cheater’s fault, if you are fat or not having sex with your husband, then you contributed to the problem.

What if the cheating husband got fat? Still excused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the women complaining about their cheating husbands - if you got fat or were not having frequent sex with your husbands then you are part of the problem. While cheating is primarily the cheater’s fault, if you are fat or not having sex with your husband, then you contributed to the problem.

Also Venus Willendorf and Peter Paul Rubens would like a word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the women complaining about their cheating husbands - if you got fat or were not having frequent sex with your husbands then you are part of the problem. While cheating is primarily the cheater’s fault, if you are fat or not having sex with your husband, then you contributed to the problem.

I think you'll find that many good looking women that have sex with their husbands get cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feed the “she got fat” troll 😈 you guys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the women complaining about their cheating husbands - if you got fat or were not having frequent sex with your husbands then you are part of the problem. While cheating is primarily the cheater’s fault, if you are fat or not having sex with your husband, then you contributed to the problem.

What if the cheating husband got fat? Still excused?

No its not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the women complaining about their cheating husbands - if you got fat or were not having frequent sex with your husbands then you are part of the problem. While cheating is primarily the cheater’s fault, if you are fat or not having sex with your husband, then you contributed to the problem.

Nope. The cheater is always welcome to exit the relationship before dipping their wick, or having a wick dipped in them. If you don’t want what you have, then let someone else have it.

But that’s the pathology of cheaters isn’t it? They think they should be able to and are somehow entitled have it all, despite the pain of the other person. All without even seeing that perhaps they’re part of the cause of their partner “getting fat”. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the women complaining about their cheating husbands - if you got fat or were not having frequent sex with your husbands then you are part of the problem. While cheating is primarily the cheater’s fault, if you are fat or not having sex with your husband, then you contributed to the problem.

I think you'll find that many good looking women that have sex with their husbands get cheated on.

That’s true and it’s a character flaw in husband. but still its not okay for other women to get fat or not have sex with their hubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First clue was Find my showed him at an apartment when he was supposed to be somewhere else but he proceeded to gaslight me and I believed him. Then came the STD and looking back many of the things already described (always putting phone face down, suddenly angry over nothing, improved dressing, working out, focusing on looks).

I saw my ex on Find My at his AP's apartment at 11 pm, only 2 days before I gave birth. He claimed he was helping her move furniture. It takes a certain kind of sociopath to leave an 8-month pregnant wife for an AP. A week after I got home from the hospital, police stopped by looking for him at 7 pm because someone had reported him for harassment, and he wasn't home. The cop didn't believe me when I said he wasn't home - what kind of man isn't home with his wife and newborn at 7 pm? It still took me another 6 months to get enough conviction to start talking about what was going on with a therapist and my parents, and then another 6 months to file.

Mine begged me to have a second baby a year earlier than we had planned/than I wanted to. We had a long deep convo about it and he seemed so genuinely excited for another that I thought about it and agreed. Turns out his affair started 2 months before he came to me begging for another baby, lasted all of my pregnancy, postpartum, and I found out when my little one was 1 year old.

Uggh. I think this is the worst story I've heard. How utterly broken some people are.

I do think a lot of men and some women are performative to others and maybe to themselves as well. More men I think because they have more interest in power seeking and dont have the same need for honesty with the vulnerable such as the elderly and children. I think men are performative as a way of seeking power. I've known so many people like this, men and women. Even happily married ones. I don't know why some people are able to accept themselves amd others in full and be truthful and others it seems like an impossible task and they'd rather just play act to get what they want and never stand for anything. Someone once wrote a book called People of the Lie. What makes one person truthful and forthright and another dishonest and manipulative? It's still a mystery to me.

Yep. My ex got a thrill getting another guy’s wife who he actually gave 2 sh@ts about tell him that she loved him. It was a power/validation thing. He was cruel when he dumped her. A lot of fkd up childhoods and act out in their secret lives. But as another pp said- nobody who is a cheater in a marriage is a mentally healthy person.

I don’t think it is necessarily mental illness but there is definitely a lack of coping skills that starts people down the path of doing these behaviors.

So,sooooooo many come from families with cheating, alcoholism and neglect or emotional abuse. They continue the cycle eventually.

And yet, it doesn’t HAVE to be a cycle. People can and do heal and refuse to repeat those patterns. But it takes a lot of courage and therapy, which the guys in this thread didn’t do. And a lot of them will be repeat offenders, because there is no healing, only performance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t feed the “she got fat” troll 😈 you guys

I m not a troll. Just wanted to state some facts.