What first made you suspicious that your spouse was having an affair?
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Anonymous
| For me it was when he started ordering Espresso Martinis. I thought "Christ, what next, Cosmos?" They were so so out of character for him. And then there were a million other little signs and I was correct about the affair but the Espresso Martini really gave me pause. I've read that narcissists (which he likely is) often mirror the person they are fixated on. His AP is definitely an Espresso Martini girl. |
Anonymous
| He cleaned his car. |
Anonymous
Yep this. I suddenly felt like I was hanging out with a girl with limited life experience around my Ex. He got into Pilates. LOL. |
Anonymous
Lol so true |
Anonymous
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I was innocently checking FindMy as my DC walked home from school. Spouse was supposed to be driving home from work but was instead at a park. This happened a few times and when I confronted him, he said he was “decompressing” after work. Yeah, I bet. I stupidly believed him and he brazenly got more bold, but smarter, leaving his phone behind while having his dalliances.
Other signs: • Couldn’t perform well or finish on occasion • Would go to the gym after work (in his office building) but wasn’t getting in shape • Weird phone behavior right before he’d proclaim he needed to run an errand But most of all, • This feeling I couldn’t shake that something was off. Don’t ignore this. |
Anonymous
| She bought new underwear but I never saw her wearing them |
Anonymous
| She started getting angry with me over things that made no sense |
Anonymous
+1 Meticulous about car. Drinking different wines from regions he previously disliked. Forever on his phone at odd hours “for work”. Always putting his phone face down and something on top of his iPad when he left the room. Weird work hours. Being sketchy about details. “Visiting his parents” more often. Having more executive visits at work so he’d have to work days off. Generally cranky and disengaged at home. Taking no pride in the house we had just moved into - it needed paint, etc. but he didn’t care. Not wanting friends to come over. Being mean and snappy and contemptuous towards me out of the blue. Taking pictures of things our DD had done (like painted his toes) that he never would have before, presumed to share with his AP. So many things. He literally was a walking “AFFAIR!!” Neon sign. |
Anonymous
Oh and also - better grooming (he was never bad but it stepped up), all new underwear and undershirts, not putting laundry in the basket - assuming he was either washing at her house or he didn’t want me to see that he was wearing things I hadn’t seen him in. |
Anonymous
| A number of little out of character things. More attention to appearance. Car washing increased. No longer wanted car seat left in the car. "working" more |
Anonymous
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Insane body grooming and usually the night before his WAH day where he would inevitably have to run into the office for a few hours. Find my iPhone always showed him at the office during those times since he learned how to hack his location.
One time I checked when it wasn’t synced and he was halfway around the beltway- but it quickly went back and he gaslit me by making a joke. Actually would joke about having a mistress when he actually had one. Taking on her interests which were so different from his own. Like seriously- wtf? You assume it’s a midlife crisis. Would also take photos of our calendar I now see was to make sure we didn’t have something during the data he was going to schedule meet up. As it progressed, drinking more and more and being hypercritical and would explode over inconsequential/small things. All of it is so gradual though that only looking back so you go—yeah, obviously. But during it with your own work, kids, busy schedules, etc. you don’t see it all. Also- with no “unaccounted time” or trips or “boys trips” or late at the office- you right it off as a possibility because when would it be happening? |
Anonymous
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Secretive about his phone/electronics, highly critical of every little thing I did, a lot more "work dinners" and functions, getting out of bed at odd hours (presumably to text with AP), and the general feeling that he was disengaged from family life, picking arguments, walking out instead of trying to resolve issues, etc.
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Anonymous
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-Texting 'work colleagues' at 6 am
-Spur of the moment overnight work trips to places she had never been like Cleveland or Rochester. I think she thought the randomness of the town she claimed gave cover when all it really did was raise suspicion. - New clothes that were pretty much only worn on 'work trips' -Anger over simple questions like 'what did you do for lunch today?' -Her Iphone never left her possession. It was literally with her everywhere she went all the time. - Lack of interest in intimacy - And of course just a gut feeling. |
Anonymous
same, and for my DH bought new underwear more personal grooming, including trimming hiding in house, bathrooms. with "stomach problems", no to text AP for hours irritable with me and kids stopped going out to eat with me and kids- said it stressed him out. claiming stress and depression, as a cover and distraction and to make people feel sorry for him |
Anonymous
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and walking behind me or in front of me.
wouldn't hold hands anymore setting me up to fail and being unappreciative stopping eating what I made for dinner he felt empty when I gave him a hug |