DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t want to listen to our advice. Instead of standing up for herself and leave that lazy man, she decided to do nothing. She wasted our time.
Come back when you are ready to solve the problem.

Thisssss!!! 😴😴😴😴

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense, but what's your plan? You're obviously resentful and irritated which is completely understandable. But are you going to do anything about it or just continue to live this way?

I can’t do anything about him. He’s shown that he doesn’t give a s—t. I guess it leaves me with the choice of do everything and not complain, or make the choice to leave.

It’s hard to entertain the latter because I’d be disrupting my kids’ lives and my financial future for what would appear to be no good reason. I’d never go around telling people I left DH because he was lazy and selfish about his time. Wish I could.

Why not? I'd never be married to someone like that. He has zero respect for you.

I get not wanting to blow up your kids' lives, and that's valid, so I would hire out what you can, plan like he won't be a participant in your life, and see how that goes.

I agree with this. I would meet with a divorce attorney on Monday. It will never get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call him out. Tell him you see the pattern that he is conveniently sick whenever he has an adult responsibility to handle and you're not accommodating it any longer. And he needs to cancel his mom's visit because you're not carrying the water for that.

His response was “I can’t help it if I’m sick. You act like it’s my fault.”

It feels like he is using this as an ironclad get-out-of-jail-free card because if I ask a sick person to step up then I’m an inconsiderate jerk.

He is right that he can't help it if he is sick. But that means that things need to be adapted to the current situation. So, his mom doesn't come and the you hire someone to do the yard work since you can't handle his inability to do it when it needs to be done.

He seems to be well enough to do what he wants. I call shenanigans.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re over functioning and need to drop the rope. I’ve learned this lesson over the past 15 years of marriage, I’m so much better now and we are equal partners.

For instance, my husbands sister recently came to stay for the weekend for a family celebration. I knew that the guest room needed cleaned up and prepped, but because it wasn’t my invited guest (I didn’t even know her pickup time) I just ignored it. He asked me where some bedding was and I helped him find it; not angry.

When she was here I had to go in the room to look for something and noticed that DH did not clean it well or get some random totes of junk out or there. If it was a guest I invited, I would have prepared the room much better. But again, I literally thought “oh well” and just went on with my life. Not angry at all just focused on my own stuff and responsibilities and needs with the kids.

Try to get to this point. It’s so much easier and healthier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.

+1

+1000. Don't do any more than you absolutely have to. Let his mom deal. She may not mind as much as you think anyway.

I think she’ll mind. We moved a couple of months ago and all of the guest room furniture is still wrapped in moving blankets in a corner of the room and there is protective paper and plastic everywhere where DH was going to start a project in that room. So it’s not accessible or usable even for just sleeping.

Yeah, he needs to call his mom and cancel or book her a hotel until he feels up to getting stuff done.

[Anonymous]

Say, I trust you’ll prepare for your mom.
Then don’t lift a finger. Seriously
And be gone when she gets there