DH always gets “sick” when there’s work to do

[Anonymous]

I’ll start by saying that like a lot of women, I frequently feel like low-grade crap, whether it’s cramps, a hormonal headache, allergies, soreness, bad sleep, whatever. But I just keep going because I don’t have a choice.

DH travels about 4 days a month for work. He got back from a trip Thursday at lunchtime and this morning while we were going through the weekend errands and schedule, he announced that he’s feeling under the weather and his stomach hurts and he can commit to anything.

His mom comes for a visit on Tuesday. We have a guest room to set up, groceries to buy, kids to take places, yard work that got started last weekend and never finished, and so on. But instead he’s slunk away and says he isn’t sure if he feels well enough to run errands or work outside.

This is ridiculous, right? I was doing everything from Sunday when he left to Thursday afternoon, 6 am-midnight each day, including all of the kid stuff and pet stuff and meals and house stuff plus my own job. I am tired. I felt off and gross 24 hours into his trip, but I didn’t have the luxury of a wife doing everything while I chilled on the couch waiting to feel better.

Give me the words to call him out on this without setting up a stupid confrontation that I don’t have time for.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Leave it for him. He can get everything ready when he feels better. Don't fill the gap. Leave it for him to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.

+1

+1000. Don't do any more than you absolutely have to. Let his mom deal. She may not mind as much as you think anyway.

[Anonymous]

Is this a frequent thing?

[Anonymous]

You need to stop bailing him out when he pulls this stuff. So this time either leave stuff for him to do tomorrow or tell him if he isn't feeling well he needs to cancel his mom. And if he's feeling well enough not to cancel her, then he can do the errands today or tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my husband used to pull this too. Every time there was something to be done around the house he got "sick."

We had to paint an apartment before moving out and all of a sudden he had a headache and couldn't do any work. Thank goodness for my friends who stepped up and helped out or I would have had to do it all myself.

When we moved in our new place, it needed carpet and some friends (again) came over to help cut it/lay it down. He conveniently was sick AGAIN and didn't lift a finger.

This was but one of many behaviors he exhibited which pointed to complete self--absorption and laziness.

Divorced him a couple of years later. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my husband used to pull this too. Every time there was something to be done around the house he got "sick."

We had to paint an apartment before moving out and all of a sudden he had a headache and couldn't do any work. Thank goodness for my friends who stepped up and helped out or I would have had to do it all myself.

When we moved in our new place, it needed carpet and some friends (again) came over to help cut it/lay it down. He conveniently was sick AGAIN and didn't lift a finger.

This was but one of many behaviors he exhibited which pointed to complete self--absorption and laziness.

Divorced him a couple of years later. No regrets.

You made your friends install carpet for you? Geez. I mean that is something normal people pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll start by saying that like a lot of women, I frequently feel like low-grade crap, whether it’s cramps, a hormonal headache, allergies, soreness, bad sleep, whatever. But I just keep going because I don’t have a choice.

DH travels about 4 days a month for work. He got back from a trip Thursday at lunchtime and this morning while we were going through the weekend errands and schedule, he announced that he’s feeling under the weather and his stomach hurts and he can commit to anything.

His mom comes for a visit on Tuesday. We have a guest room to set up, groceries to buy, kids to take places, yard work that got started last weekend and never finished, and so on. But instead he’s slunk away and says he isn’t sure if he feels well enough to run errands or work outside.

This is ridiculous, right? I was doing everything from Sunday when he left to Thursday afternoon, 6 am-midnight each day, including all of the kid stuff and pet stuff and meals and house stuff plus my own job. I am tired. I felt off and gross 24 hours into his trip, but I didn’t have the luxury of a wife doing everything while I chilled on the couch waiting to feel better.

Give me the words to call him out on this without setting up a stupid confrontation that I don’t have time for.

He is telling you that he doesn’t think that stuff needs to be done. If you’re not okay with his mom coming and the yard is half done and the guest room isn’t ready, you have to do it yourself or leave.

[Anonymous]

I’m so glad my dh isn’t a baby like this. I don’t think I would find that attractive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll start by saying that like a lot of women, I frequently feel like low-grade crap, whether it’s cramps, a hormonal headache, allergies, soreness, bad sleep, whatever. But I just keep going because I don’t have a choice.

DH travels about 4 days a month for work. He got back from a trip Thursday at lunchtime and this morning while we were going through the weekend errands and schedule, he announced that he’s feeling under the weather and his stomach hurts and he can commit to anything.

His mom comes for a visit on Tuesday. We have a guest room to set up, groceries to buy, kids to take places, yard work that got started last weekend and never finished, and so on. But instead he’s slunk away and says he isn’t sure if he feels well enough to run errands or work outside.

This is ridiculous, right? I was doing everything from Sunday when he left to Thursday afternoon, 6 am-midnight each day, including all of the kid stuff and pet stuff and meals and house stuff plus my own job. I am tired. I felt off and gross 24 hours into his trip, but I didn’t have the luxury of a wife doing everything while I chilled on the couch waiting to feel better.

Give me the words to call him out on this without setting up a stupid confrontation that I don’t have time for.

No? I mean ... you know your DH. Does he fake illness? If he literally fakes illness all the time to avoid you and/or chores, then yeah, I guess you could "call him out" -- but if that is the case you have bigger problems than today's errands. But otherwise, respect the fact that he doesn't feel well and leave him alone. Put the "set up" guest room for MIL chore at the bottom of the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my husband used to pull this too. Every time there was something to be done around the house he got "sick."

We had to paint an apartment before moving out and all of a sudden he had a headache and couldn't do any work. Thank goodness for my friends who stepped up and helped out or I would have had to do it all myself.

When we moved in our new place, it needed carpet and some friends (again) came over to help cut it/lay it down. He conveniently was sick AGAIN and didn't lift a finger.

This was but one of many behaviors he exhibited which pointed to complete self--absorption and laziness.

Divorced him a couple of years later. No regrets.

You made your friends install carpet for you? Geez. I mean that is something normal people pay for.

+1

I think I'd get "sick" too if my DH insisted that I cut and install carpet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he isn't well, you need to cancel his mom coming.

+2000 and don’t do anything additional