Changed my mind about wanting a pet

[Anonymous]

You suck. I'd go get my cat and you could leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because it's his pet. Not an old piece of furniture you don't like. You don't just decide to get rid of your pet. You knew he had the cat when you married him and you agreed to it. That cat was around before you were and I hope he keeps the cat longer than he keeps you.

[Anonymous]

You’re not being unreasonable at all. A pet IS a lot of commitment. Some people get very kooky about animals (the people in this thread, for example) but at the end of the day, your DH chose a human to forsake all others for when he married you. Your feelings are more important. And like you say, the cat is safe in a loving home where you can visit already. It will be fine. Just tell him how you feel and go from there. A good husband will try to make you happy in this respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not being unreasonable at all. A pet IS a lot of commitment. Some people get very kooky about animals (the people in this thread, for example) but at the end of the day, your DH chose a human to forsake all others for when he married you. Your feelings are more important. And like you say, the cat is safe in a loving home where you can visit already. It will be fine. Just tell him how you feel and go from there. A good husband will try to make you happy in this respect.

Are you OP sock puppeting? It's absolutely unreasonable to lie to your partner to get them to marry you. A good spouse would never do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not being unreasonable at all. A pet IS a lot of commitment. Some people get very kooky about animals (the people in this thread, for example) but at the end of the day, your DH chose a human to forsake all others for when he married you. Your feelings are more important. And like you say, the cat is safe in a loving home where you can visit already. It will be fine. Just tell him how you feel and go from there. A good husband will try to make you happy in this respect.

Are you OP sock puppeting? It's absolutely unreasonable to lie to your partner to get them to marry you. A good spouse would never do that.

Changing your mind is not lying. You’re being hysterical.

[Anonymous]

I don’t like cats either but if the person I loved was emotionally attached to it and I had said yes then I would stick to my word. You should write down what you hate about cats and make sure DH cares for the cat so those issues are mitigated.

DH cleans the litter box every day. If the cat starts peeing anywhere other than the litter-box it goes back to mom’s house. DH buys a roomba and vacuums/ dusts frequently. You get a hepa air filter, to keep cat dander at bay. Closet door stays shut and cat is not allowed in to keep fur off clothes. DH budgets for vet expenses and has a plan so you can travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not being unreasonable at all. A pet IS a lot of commitment. Some people get very kooky about animals (the people in this thread, for example) but at the end of the day, your DH chose a human to forsake all others for when he married you. Your feelings are more important. And like you say, the cat is safe in a loving home where you can visit already. It will be fine. Just tell him how you feel and go from there. A good husband will try to make you happy in this respect.

Are you OP? Otherwise, this is not an opinion most people have.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone else that you need to allow the cat since you promised your husband. I do think it's OK for you to outline some conditions: your husband cleans the liter box 100% of the time, does all the vet appointments, buys the food and feeds the cat/makes sure it has water, and vacuums once a week (assuming the cat sheds).

I really wanted a dog. My husband likes dogs, but didn't want one because of the extra work. I agreed to be 100% responsible for the dog abd my husbandagreed to get one. Unlike OP, my husband loves dogs, he just didn't want the work. I probably do 99% of the dog care. On rare occasions when I have a conflict, my husband will take the dog for a walk but the dog is my responsibility and for me, that was a compromise I was willing to make. Bonus is that I'm my dog's favorite person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a cat owner my whole life and a cat lover. I have three currently. OP should never have a pet and definitely sholdn't have pulled a bait and switch on her DH. That's despicable behavior.

However, having a cat is not nothing. Yes, it's definitely easier than having a dog. They are much more independent. BUT, they are hard on my carpet (bald spots from scratching, stains from puking). Some of it is my fault, not enough scratching posts some of it just having a cat. My furniture also took a hit. There is also cat hair everywhere. And if you have a cat who is not fully litter box trained or happy they will pee on stuff and that smell is HORRIBLE. They also climb on everything so people who think their cats aren't on counters are naive.

All of those things I'm perfectly willing to live with because I love cats. But I don't fault people who don't want to live with them. However, lying to your fiance is pretty horrible. OP didn't JUST change her mind. She knew all along.

You are talking about having 3 cats - that's why there's hair everywhere. You need to vaccuum more often than if you just have 1.
And the scratching - that stuff needs to stop pronto or else the claws get yanked. If they're puking, figure out why and adjust.
But when we get to the peeing on things, sorry but kitty is going to spca over that. The smell pervades your house and whatever they peed on needs to be thrown away. I've never caught any of our cats on a counter or dining room table.

I've had 4 cats during my marriage. And OP is TA in this situation.

Please do not have any more cats if you plan to declaw them. It's absolutely despicable to do that to a cat. Also, any and every cat will puke at some point. There is nothing wrong. They groom themselves and need to expel the hairball. I also love how you think you can stop the puking but would send the cat to SPCA for peing on something. You're a horrible person and should never ever have a car or any pet.

And OP is also TA is this situation. but I think you might a bigger A.

I've had lots of cars and they've lasted a long time. So have my cats, declawed ones and all.
You do you. I'll do me.

No, you need to stop declawing cats. Or stop owning them. It's incredibly selfish and cruel. And I hope to god that if you declaw another one (lot of vets refuse to do this for a reason) that you NEVER EVER let the cat go outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not being unreasonable at all. A pet IS a lot of commitment. Some people get very kooky about animals (the people in this thread, for example) but at the end of the day, your DH chose a human to forsake all others for when he married you. Your feelings are more important. And like you say, the cat is safe in a loving home where you can visit already. It will be fine. Just tell him how you feel and go from there. A good husband will try to make you happy in this respect.

Are you OP sock puppeting? It's absolutely unreasonable to lie to your partner to get them to marry you. A good spouse would never do that.

Changing your mind is not lying. You’re being hysterical.

Oh she didn't change her mind. She knew all along but didn't want to admit before the wedding took place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not being unreasonable at all. A pet IS a lot of commitment. Some people get very kooky about animals (the people in this thread, for example) but at the end of the day, your DH chose a human to forsake all others for when he married you. Your feelings are more important. And like you say, the cat is safe in a loving home where you can visit already. It will be fine. Just tell him how you feel and go from there. A good husband will try to make you happy in this respect.

Are you OP? Otherwise, this is not an opinion most people have.

Does the opinion of most people matter between one husband and one wife?

Which would make a happier household—100 rules around DH servicing the cat strictly by himself, and 101 other ways for resentment to potentially arise when those rules aren’t met. Or simply not rehoming the cat? Do you not see how you’re putting some imagined duty towards the cat above peace inside the home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because a cat isn’t like a possession. It’s a living creature with physical and emotional needs, and the discussion of its future was made during your engagement. Just like a relationship can end if you change your mind about whether you want kids, this can end it as well. You are in the wrong completely.

OP- So what is the solution? Should I sacrifice my comfort and just agree to the cat?

Yes.

Welcome to marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else that you need to allow the cat since you promised your husband. I do think it's OK for you to outline some conditions: your husband cleans the liter box 100% of the time, does all the vet appointments, buys the food and feeds the cat/makes sure it has water, and vacuums once a week (assuming the cat sheds).

I really wanted a dog. My husband likes dogs, but didn't want one because of the extra work. I agreed to be 100% responsible for the dog abd my husbandagreed to get one. Unlike OP, my husband loves dogs, he just didn't want the work. I probably do 99% of the dog care. On rare occasions when I have a conflict, my husband will take the dog for a walk but the dog is my responsibility and for me, that was a compromise I was willing to make. Bonus is that I'm my dog's favorite person!

OK but he had this cat before he met his now-wife which means he was long caring for this cat's needs. It doesn't sound like OP took on any of that so what is it, exactly, she anticipates being the "responsibility" that she needs to take on when the cat comes home? No, OP is being a bit** and bait and switched this man over his beloved pet. What a piece of trash.

[Anonymous]

OP, careful how you handle this. There will be fallout with your new in-laws who you are trying to stick with their son's cat when they were told it was temporary until you got past the wedding. Wonder if they already suspect that you are selfish and have weak character. If so, you are on your way to paving a really crappy relationship with your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, careful how you handle this. There will be fallout with your new in-laws who you are trying to stick with their son's cat when they were told it was temporary until you got past the wedding. Wonder if they already suspect that you are selfish and have weak character. If so, you are on your way to paving a really crappy relationship with your in-laws.

Yep.