Changed my mind about wanting a pet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, careful how you handle this. There will be fallout with your new in-laws who you are trying to stick with their son's cat when they were told it was temporary until you got past the wedding. Wonder if they already suspect that you are selfish and have weak character. If so, you are on your way to paving a really crappy relationship with your in-laws.

OP didn't get the answers she liked so she left the thread a long time ago in order to preserve her already-formed opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are being unreasonable? Why should your husband trust your word? You kind of tricked him. Have some integrity.

I agree with this poster. You did a bait and switch. Obviously you wanted the man and he said one thing. You got the man and now your true self is coming out.

[Anonymous]

I'd be fkn furious if my spouse did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a cat owner my whole life and a cat lover. I have three currently. OP should never have a pet and definitely sholdn't have pulled a bait and switch on her DH. That's despicable behavior.

However, having a cat is not nothing. Yes, it's definitely easier than having a dog. They are much more independent. BUT, they are hard on my carpet (bald spots from scratching, stains from puking). Some of it is my fault, not enough scratching posts some of it just having a cat. My furniture also took a hit. There is also cat hair everywhere. And if you have a cat who is not fully litter box trained or happy they will pee on stuff and that smell is HORRIBLE. They also climb on everything so people who think their cats aren't on counters are naive.

All of those things I'm perfectly willing to live with because I love cats. But I don't fault people who don't want to live with them. However, lying to your fiance is pretty horrible. OP didn't JUST change her mind. She knew all along.

I really dislike cats for the reasons bolded and would not enjoy the idea of living with one, but I still think OP is trash and needs to just accept that they are going to have a cat. Her husband and that cat are a packaged deal which she knew and is now backtracking on. People are bonded to their animals and asking him to cast it aside is cruel, to the cat but I think even moreso to the husband! The time to bring this up was loooong before the "I do." If I were DH I would never look at OP the same way again.

[Anonymous]

Cats are nice. Dogs are nice. They add love to a home. OP is a crappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Your dh already made the commitment. He already has a pet. You don’t have to take care of the cat — as long as he can — but the cat is already a done deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because a cat isn’t like a possession. It’s a living creature with physical and emotional needs, and the discussion of its future was made during your engagement. Just like a relationship can end if you change your mind about whether you want kids, this can end it as well. You are in the wrong completely.

OP- So what is the solution? Should I sacrifice my comfort and just agree to the cat?

You aren't compatible right now. Break up. Share this with him and be honest. If a person loves their pet they aren't going to simply walk away from their responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because a cat isn’t like a possession. It’s a living creature with physical and emotional needs, and the discussion of its future was made during your engagement. Just like a relationship can end if you change your mind about whether you want kids, this can end it as well. You are in the wrong completely.

+10000x

I couldn’t agree more.
It is SO wrong to tell your husband that you will accept his cat - then change your mind.

Not a great way to start off a marriage.
You are just going to show him that your words carry zero weight & that you feel that it is perfectly acceptable to just change your mind on a whim.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I know OP has bailed, but I just can’t believe anyone could be so dense and narcissistic. Her poor DH. And his poor beloved cat!

[Anonymous]

I won’t live with a pet. OP: you should not have said you would. Honestly, I think you should not have gotten married. You either live with the cat or you should get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

If my spouse tricked me like this, I would divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should divorce him so he can be with his cat

If I were your husband, I d divorce you now. You ve just made a detrimental lie. I can’t trust you anymore.

OP is probably trolling, but yes to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Even if OP agreed to having the cat in their house, I would not trust her not to abuse the cat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll. If you previously agreed to it, I am not sure why he is still asking for your consent.

+Bad attempt at trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you actually lived with a cat? They're pretty low maintenance and I'm sure your DH could handle like 90% of the work pretty easily.

Unless you're allergic, I'm not sure why in the world you're so worried about it.

This. We have a cat and half of the people in this house have a total interaction time of 30 seconds per day with her, when they seek her out to pet her. The most low maintenance pet we've had, including fish.