Changed my mind about wanting a pet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because a cat isn’t like a possession. It’s a living creature with physical and emotional needs, and the discussion of its future was made during your engagement. Just like a relationship can end if you change your mind about whether you want kids, this can end it as well. You are in the wrong completely.

OP- So what is the solution? Should I sacrifice my comfort and just agree to the cat?

How is a cat infringing on your comfort? Cats are sweet and easy to care for. This is

like a child to your partner. You need to tell partner how you feel.

OP doesn’t have a problem with cats! The IDEA of a cat makes her uncomfortable.

It's not that cat. OP is a pretty princess who needs all the attention centered on her, her comfort, etc. And she needs to know her husband would do anything to please her, including jettisoning his pets (and maybe later, his friend/family and anything else that makes OP "uncomfortable").

You know that thread about red flags for future abuse? THIS IS ONE. Breaking promises over major commitments and acting like not only is it no big deal, but that you're in the right and your take should be given priority with no basis for your changed position beyond "I just don't wanna"? MASSIVE red flag.

[Anonymous]

Major red flag to bait and switch after getting married. What a POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is a troll (follow-up posts sound very troll-y) but my xH did this to me. Promised my cat could come then told me no after we got married and move in together.

We didn’t divorce over the cat, but eventually did divorce years later because that was his attitude towards relationships - things had to be his way. Eventually the other partner has enough and leaves.

Yep. They start when it's "just" a pet (meaningful enough, but not life-threatening) to see what you'll do, and then they escalate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are being unreasonable? Why should your husband trust your word? You kind of tricked him. Have some integrity.

This - also cat's are low maintenance, especially if you aren't the one changing the litterbox! I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your fiance should dump you, take the cat.

+1. Major red fkag.
I'd be gone in a (cats) heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

What are you committing to? Living with a cat? He was caring for the cat before he met you, why all of a sudden would you have some big burden of responsibility with this cat? This is a terrible way to start off your marriage and I wouldn't be surprised if this rift wasn't the beginning of the end.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a big commitment. How can OP have been ready for that? If DH gets sick or injured I bet she leaves. He should dump her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

IT'S A CAT! It's not a dog! Cats can live indoors and sleep 50-70% of the day. Their litter box are easy to clean and they have automatic ones now. There are feeding machines as well. Are you kidding me? As someone who's had both cats and dogs, cats are 1000x easier to have. You don't have to walk a cat. You don't have to wake up early to feed a cat. You don't have to make sure a cat pees and poops before bedtime.

Also, you "changed your mind". Okay, later on when your husband changes his mind don't go all crazy over it. I feel bad for your husband.

[Anonymous]

I am a cat owner my whole life and a cat lover. I have three currently. OP should never have a pet and definitely sholdn't have pulled a bait and switch on her DH. That's despicable behavior.

However, having a cat is not nothing. Yes, it's definitely easier than having a dog. They are much more independent. BUT, they are hard on my carpet (bald spots from scratching, stains from puking). Some of it is my fault, not enough scratching posts some of it just having a cat. My furniture also took a hit. There is also cat hair everywhere. And if you have a cat who is not fully litter box trained or happy they will pee on stuff and that smell is HORRIBLE. They also climb on everything so people who think their cats aren't on counters are naive.

All of those things I'm perfectly willing to live with because I love cats. But I don't fault people who don't want to live with them. However, lying to your fiance is pretty horrible. OP didn't JUST change her mind. She knew all along.

[Anonymous]

You may or may not like cats, but WHY did you promise to your now DH that you're taking his cat in? The bigger issue for me is your manipulative nature, inability to compromise and essentially lying about what you really want. You used the lie about the cat to lock your DH in. It's the same as agreeing to have kids and then "changing mind" a few years in. Add in that you don't see it as a big deal -- yes, I'd totally divorce you over this, because it's not the first and last time you're going to lie to get what you want and play stupid after. A huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a cat owner my whole life and a cat lover. I have three currently. OP should never have a pet and definitely sholdn't have pulled a bait and switch on her DH. That's despicable behavior.

However, having a cat is not nothing. Yes, it's definitely easier than having a dog. They are much more independent. BUT, they are hard on my carpet (bald spots from scratching, stains from puking). Some of it is my fault, not enough scratching posts some of it just having a cat. My furniture also took a hit. There is also cat hair everywhere. And if you have a cat who is not fully litter box trained or happy they will pee on stuff and that smell is HORRIBLE. They also climb on everything so people who think their cats aren't on counters are naive.

All of those things I'm perfectly willing to live with because I love cats. But I don't fault people who don't want to live with them. However, lying to your fiance is pretty horrible. OP didn't JUST change her mind. She knew all along.

You are talking about having 3 cats - that's why there's hair everywhere. You need to vaccuum more often than if you just have 1.
And the scratching - that stuff needs to stop pronto or else the claws get yanked. If they're puking, figure out why and adjust.
But when we get to the peeing on things, sorry but kitty is going to spca over that. The smell pervades your house and whatever they peed on needs to be thrown away. I've never caught any of our cats on a counter or dining room table.

I've had 4 cats during my marriage. And OP is TA in this situation.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your husband. He trusted you when placed his cat with his parents. The issue is your dishonesty, not the cat.

[Anonymous]

Having a cat is not a huge commitment. The cat being at the parents is not an acceptable substitute for the cat coming to live with you. If I was your husband, I’d ask for a divorce, because you are putting your needs above his and you tricked him.

This must be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a cat owner my whole life and a cat lover. I have three currently. OP should never have a pet and definitely sholdn't have pulled a bait and switch on her DH. That's despicable behavior.

However, having a cat is not nothing. Yes, it's definitely easier than having a dog. They are much more independent. BUT, they are hard on my carpet (bald spots from scratching, stains from puking). Some of it is my fault, not enough scratching posts some of it just having a cat. My furniture also took a hit. There is also cat hair everywhere. And if you have a cat who is not fully litter box trained or happy they will pee on stuff and that smell is HORRIBLE. They also climb on everything so people who think their cats aren't on counters are naive.

All of those things I'm perfectly willing to live with because I love cats. But I don't fault people who don't want to live with them. However, lying to your fiance is pretty horrible. OP didn't JUST change her mind. She knew all along.

You are talking about having 3 cats - that's why there's hair everywhere. You need to vaccuum more often than if you just have 1.
And the scratching - that stuff needs to stop pronto or else the claws get yanked. If they're puking, figure out why and adjust.
But when we get to the peeing on things, sorry but kitty is going to spca over that. The smell pervades your house and whatever they peed on needs to be thrown away. I've never caught any of our cats on a counter or dining room table.

I've had 4 cats during my marriage. And OP is TA in this situation.

Please do not have any more cats if you plan to declaw them. It's absolutely despicable to do that to a cat. Also, any and every cat will puke at some point. There is nothing wrong. They groom themselves and need to expel the hairball. I also love how you think you can stop the puking but would send the cat to SPCA for peing on something. You're a horrible person and should never ever have a car or any pet.

And OP is also TA is this situation. but I think you might a bigger A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a cat owner my whole life and a cat lover. I have three currently. OP should never have a pet and definitely sholdn't have pulled a bait and switch on her DH. That's despicable behavior.

However, having a cat is not nothing. Yes, it's definitely easier than having a dog. They are much more independent. BUT, they are hard on my carpet (bald spots from scratching, stains from puking). Some of it is my fault, not enough scratching posts some of it just having a cat. My furniture also took a hit. There is also cat hair everywhere. And if you have a cat who is not fully litter box trained or happy they will pee on stuff and that smell is HORRIBLE. They also climb on everything so people who think their cats aren't on counters are naive.

All of those things I'm perfectly willing to live with because I love cats. But I don't fault people who don't want to live with them. However, lying to your fiance is pretty horrible. OP didn't JUST change her mind. She knew all along.

You are talking about having 3 cats - that's why there's hair everywhere. You need to vaccuum more often than if you just have 1.
And the scratching - that stuff needs to stop pronto or else the claws get yanked. If they're puking, figure out why and adjust.
But when we get to the peeing on things, sorry but kitty is going to spca over that. The smell pervades your house and whatever they peed on needs to be thrown away. I've never caught any of our cats on a counter or dining room table.

I've had 4 cats during my marriage. And OP is TA in this situation.

Please do not have any more cats if you plan to declaw them. It's absolutely despicable to do that to a cat. Also, any and every cat will puke at some point. There is nothing wrong. They groom themselves and need to expel the hairball. I also love how you think you can stop the puking but would send the cat to SPCA for peing on something. You're a horrible person and should never ever have a car or any pet.

And OP is also TA is this situation. but I think you might a bigger A.

I've had lots of cars and they've lasted a long time. So have my cats, declawed ones and all.
You do you. I'll do me.